Would you be confused?
Teach children to be sincere, but find that children are bullied outside after being sincere.
Teach children to be kind, but find that kind children are not recognized by society.
Then you start to reflect, should you teach your children to be opportunistic, should you teach your children to be more fierce? In your wandering and hesitation, unconsciously some bad things will affect the growth of children!
So, how should children be educated? What kind of education can make children love learning, love life, and become a better person? Let's hear how Yu Minhong raised his daughter.
There is an old Chinese saying: 3 years old looks big, 7 years old looks old. Now Chinese society is in a period of great transformation, from an agricultural society to a commercial society. Chinese in a commercial society, how should we educate our children in such an environment? Some of the things we adults do, sometimes unconsciously show children bad things, have a major impact on the formation of children's own values, world outlook, and outlook on life. As a result, our approach to educating our children has gone wrong.
First, the top priority of family education
Character building comes from the power of example
My daughter's level of study is now in the middle, but I never use this as a criterion for whether my daughter will work hard. My wife's educational philosophy is the opposite. My wife is a daughter who is not in the top 5 will be angry, and I just the opposite, my daughter 15th place I am very happy, I will say to my daughter every time: "Look at the 40 classmates in your class, you are 15, there are 25 people in the back, how good are you!" ”
From the perspective of a child's life, there is no essential difference between whether your child's score is good or bad, and whether you enter Peking University or ordinary university. What can really widen the distance between a child's life is the character problem that has something to do with his behavior. The establishment of character comes from the power of example, and parents as children's role models cannot be escaped. What we ask our children doesn't work because the parents don't do it.
For example, while playing mahjong, parents scold their children to learn, and children are of course unwilling to learn. When the father said, "Lao Tzu didn't show up, do you want to be like Lao Tzu?" "The child will think, you said you didn't show up, then when playing mahjong, I saw that you were very happy, you were very happy that you didn't go to college, why do you have to go to college?"
Parents are the best role models for their children. As long as my daughter studies, I take a book to read next to my daughter, so that there is a sense of rules in it, and the role model plays a very important role.
In front of your child, don't say bad things about others
To do anything, you have to think about whether I have hurt anyone else. For example, we adults sometimes like to say bad things about neighbors and colleagues behind our backs, and we don't shy away from children when we say it. My wife and I have had such a situation, we talk about the east and the west are short, which one is good, which person is not good, which person is stingy, which person is not stingy.
As a result, once my daughter came back from school and told me which classmate was good, which classmate was not good, which classmate was stingy, and which classmate was snobbish. I told my daughter that you can't say bad things about your classmates, classmates are with you every day, if they have shortcomings that you think, you put them in your heart, and more importantly, you have to learn the advantages of your classmates. My daughter immediately asked, "When you were with your mother, didn't you talk a lot about your uncles and aunts?" Why can't I say bad things about my classmates? One sentence left me speechless. Since then, I have set a rule with my wife, I can't talk about the shortcomings of others in front of my children, and I must say good things about each other.
Second, cultivate children's love for life
Let the child feel that it is wonderful to live in the world
We will find that in a class, some children are always the first or second, and he has a really high IQ. And our children are in the middle, even in the back, no matter how hard they try. In such a situation, what should parents do?
Children are different, but as long as your child is not at the level of an idiot, as long as the child can walk into the classroom normally, he can do important things. For example, Hu Xueyan only went to school for two months, but finally became the most powerful businessman, and he also had great ambitions, which is a good example. We parents must have a skill, in any case, to both supervise the child's progress and keep the child's self-esteem unharmed.
You want to ensure that the child gets the first place is happy, the last one is also happy, so that the child feels that it is very beautiful to live in the world, and cultivating the child's love for life is one of the most important tasks for parents.
Teach children: True happiness is earned by oneself
Today's parents are very spoiled by their children, and they give what their children want. For example, if a child looks at a toy, the parents will not leave if they do not buy him, and finally the parents have no choice but to buy it. So the child has such a mentality, as long as he insists that the parents will give in.
Before I buy something for my child, I will analyze whether what he wants is reasonable, if it is unreasonable, I will resolutely not buy it, if it is reasonable, I cannot easily buy it for him, I must let the child complete a task before buying it for him. For example, when my daughter went to school abroad, each of the children in the class had a laptop. Although I have a desktop computer at home, it will be more convenient to use a laptop, and there is no shortage of money at home, and it is not right not to buy it for her. I told her that Dad must buy it for you, but you must know that there is nothing in this world that comes in vain, and that you are now a big child and need to work hard to get what you want. If she can recite 30 inspirational articles in English from New Oriental, buy them for her.
In less than two weeks, she was so well on her back that I bought her a laptop. This kind of education allows children to learn the truth that they can only get by giving, and also turns the way children like into a motivation for her to do another thing.
Third, give appropriate encouragement to stimulate unlimited potential
The teacher's education method is very important, but the parent's education method is more important, because the child pays more attention to the parent's words and deeds.
There's nothing good about first place
Human growth is a lifelong thing, and it is definitely not determined by the scores you get in elementary school or college. Scores are important to children, but you can't think that your child is not out of the wood just because your child's score is low. Please be sure to change the criteria for judging success. A child's high score is one of the criteria for success, but don't take it as the only criterion. Otherwise your child will suffer countless injuries because there is only one first place in any exam.
So I have a self-deprecating statement: in fact, it is not easy to be the first place, because he walks very hard, looking at the front, there is no one to chase, looking at the back, the whole class is chasing themselves, chasing themselves half dead, so there is nothing good about the first place. When the last one is so happy, look forward, are half-dead people who are chased by themselves, and look back, there is no one who chases themselves, you think how dashing this life is!
Parents can't talk without counting
Of course, this point of view can not be said to the child, you must learn how to encourage the child. Next time I will encourage him to take the second to last, this time he will take the 20 points, next time I will encourage him to take the 30 points. Don't say that your child, this time the test is 60 points, you tell him not to enter the house next time if he does not score 90 points.
You say so, of course, some children will try to learn hard, but some children can't reach 90 points after desperate efforts, so what should he do? Didn't he really let him in? You must let him into the house, you let him into the door means that you don't count when you speak, the child will know later, my parents don't count when they speak, then I don't care after that, he won't let me enter the house anyway, and the parents will be stabbed by the child.
Encourage at the same time, but also set rules for children
While encouraging, parents should also set rules for their children. My son especially likes to eat ice cream, and my wife let him eat a lot every day, eating all his teeth. I saw that this was not the way to go, so I stipulated that he could only eat one ice cream a day, and he had to eat it after half an hour of dinner. My son was just over 4 years old and didn't know what half an hour was. I told him that the long needle had been going somewhere for half an hour. My son looked at the clock for a while and watched it more than 100 times in half an hour. I finally stayed up for half an hour and couldn't wait to eat ice cream.
On the second day, it became a dozen times, on the third day it became two or three times, and on the fourth day he knew that he could not eat for a while and a half anyway, so he played, and by the time he remembered to eat, half an hour had passed. As long as it is the right thing, parents should encourage their children and set rules for their children at the same time. After the rules are established, parents must not change them casually, and there will be problems in changing them.
Don't let vanity get in the way, let the child grow slowly
Finally, I would like to talk about another kind of problem that parents will make, called "talent syndrome.". Parents especially want to turn their children into little geniuses, in fact, this is the vanity of parents at work. Chinese parents will make two mistakes, the first is that they will let their children know anything they will not do, hoping that their children will achieve success in a certain field. Therefore, many parents force their children to learn this and that from primary school, which makes no sense. The most important thing for a child is to let him grow up slowly.
My daughter loved to play the piano, and since she was 5 years old, she has changed her taste when she plays it, and she has been admitted to the exam level by level, and as a result, my daughter's interest in playing the piano has been snuffed out. My daughter didn't want to learn anymore, and my wife forced her to learn. I asked my wife, your child passed the tenth grade of piano when she was 10 years old, will she learn to play the piano after the age of 10? If you don't want to raise your child to be a great pianist, then it doesn't make sense for you to let your child pass the level 10 exam at the age of 10.
Second, you let your child learn this way, so that she loses interest in the piano, she does not like to play the piano at all. I told my daughter that dad wouldn't force you to study or let you take the exam. The thing dad regrets in this life is that he can't play an instrument, and playing an instrument can relieve depression. In principle, learning piano is not to let you pass the exam, but to help you find a way to express your mood. In the future, you will definitely enter the social circle, and if you can accompany the piano while your friends are singing, you will be respected by others. If you don't want to learn, can you keep your current level?
My daughter actually likes the piano very much, and when she is tired of doing her homework, she will play the piano for half an hour. Since then, she has learned from her teacher once a week, and her interest in learning piano has become more and more intense.
In summary, the most important thing in family education is character education, followed by mood education, and the third is to encourage education. Finally, parents should let their children learn to suffer.
Finally, I would like to tell parents and friends that if you give everything, your life, wealth, and status to your children, your children will not necessarily be happy for life. Only by teaching your child how to be a successful person, teaching your child to learn to pursue his goals, and learning to enjoy the happiness and satisfaction after reaching his goals, will your children achieve true happiness.
【Statement】Source: China Education Online, the article only represents the author's own views, does not represent the views and positions of this platform. Reprinted for sharing purposes, the copyright belongs to the original author, if there is infringement, please inform, thank you for reading.