A while ago, because my son was sick and had to be hospitalized, I stayed with him in the hospital for a full 10 days, and coincidentally, the three children in the ward were boys, and they were all about the same age, so you could take the opportunity to observe the difference between your child and other children of the same age.
Supposedly, several of the children in the ward were about the same age and should be easy to play with, but it was obvious to me and another mom that our children didn't like to play with another boy.
But I don't think I can blame the child, because these days I see his mother's way of educating, and I know that there is a reason why his son is not popular.
First, let's talk about what problems this nearly 4-year-old boy has, during the hospitalization, he is not very talkative, and every time he speaks, he either loses his temper or yells.
Secondly, every time he wants the toys of the other two children, he directly takes them and never asks "can you borrow them to play", so the other two children do not like to play with him, let alone exchange toys with him.
In addition, he is a 4-year-old child, these days in the hospital, I did not once see him eat by himself, every day is the mother to feed, and is while looking at the mobile phone while eating, really perfect interpretation of what is clothes to reach out, food to open the mouth.
Finally, I think the more serious problem is that he has been looking at his phone or iPad since he got up, and basically his eyes have not left the screen except for sleeping and taking a shower.
This "problem child" who doesn't fit in, can't communicate, doesn't take care of himself, and in the end, the biggest problem is his mother. Because these bad habits were all helped by his mother step by step.
Quickly check his mother's behavior to see if you have "taken care" of your own children in this way
1, always play mobile phone
This mother is very afraid of the child getting out of bed, thinking that he is very dirty when he gets out of bed, and she is also afraid that the child will clash with other children, so basically every day when she gets out of bed, she will open the iPad to show the child.
4-year-old children, in fact, it is not recommended to look at mobile phones or other electronic products for more than 2 hours a day, obviously he has seriously exceeded this standard. But people's mothers don't mind, and we outsiders can't say anything.
However, every time he looks at the iPad, he will play a public voice, which will have a certain impact on other children and parents, and every time the children sleep, they will clamor and can't sleep.
But his mother also let it go, because in her eyes, as long as his son didn't make a fuss, he could ignore the feelings of others.
Such behavior, originally at home is actually indifferent, but to the hospital, after all, is a public place, their words and deeds will affect other people, if the parents do not do a good job of a guide, then the child will feel that in the public place can do what they like, do not need to take into account the feelings of others, in the future will become a self-centered person.
Whenever his mother wanted him to turn off his phone or iPad, he would lose his temper or express his dissatisfaction by kicking him, and his mother would initially scold him a few times, but soon she would not be able to resist the child's temperament and meet his requirements.
The more the parents are satisfied with him, the more serious the situation will be, and it will be more difficult to correct it in the future.
I think this parent needs to be aware that the child can not play electronic products for a long time, which not only has damage to the child's vision, but also has an impact on his physical development and intellectual development.
2, clothes to reach out, rice to open the mouth
Hospitalization these days, I basically did not see this child eating by himself, whether it is breakfast, lunch or dinner, is his mother in the feeding, at first I thought that the child was sick and uncomfortable and delicate, but then in fact, the child's mental state slowly improved, but also did not try to eat by himself.
The other two children in the room, basically three meals a day are eating by themselves, which is actually not a commendable thing, after all, it is already a 4-year-old child, which is a very basic living habit, the child can actually complete it independently, but the parents did not give him this opportunity.
Once the habit of being fed in this way is formed, it is difficult for the child to adapt after going to kindergarten, it may be that he will feel inferior if he is not skilled with a spoon, it may be that he will be unhappy when he eats slower than others, and even he wants the teacher to feed himself in kindergarten, so that there is no benefit to the child's psychological or physical development.
Kindergarten children, the main thing is to give them good behavior habits, such as their own clothes, eating, going to the toilet, etc., exercise these basic life skills, can make them have a certain sense of achievement, but also strengthen their hands-on ability, for the future reading and learning to lay a good foundation.
3, open mouth and shut mouth are scolding
I found that this child did not know how to express himself, and he did not speak very sharply, for example, if he wanted to eat or play with other people's toys, he never took the initiative to say it, but used a tantrum every time to express it.
But in fact, the reason behind this behavior is that his mother has never been well educated, and his mother has said to her child at every turn these days, "If you do this again, I will not want you." "If you don't obey any more, I'll call the doctor for an injection" "If you are naughty again, the police uncle will take you away."
The child listens to such words every day, never once, and the child is also very smart, and after listening to them more than a few times, he knows that these words are just lies, and then saying them again will not scare him at all.
When the child wants other people's toys, the mother will only say "you don't make other people's toys, obediently look at the phone" instead of saying "you can ask your brother, can you lend you to play", when he wants to participate in the child's activities, the mother will say "you don't want to go over, you look at the iPad" every time.
Every time the child wants to participate in group activities or wants to communicate, the mother will only stop or interrupt, how the child learns to communicate and get along with others, how can he learn to express his own ideas, so he can only express in his own way.
If this situation continues for a long time, the situation that the child will not express will become more and more serious, and when he goes to kindergarten in the future, other children naturally do not like to play with him, and his social skills will be more hindered and enter a vicious circle.
Kindergarten children, in fact, can already understand a lot of things, parents do not have to treat them as small babies, many things need to teach children to express, to do, even if once not, twice not, teach more, the child will naturally understand, but if you do not teach, he will never learn.
4, no interaction
During this time, I and another parent chatted with their children or did some games and interactions in their daily lives, but this pair of "problem mothers and children" never had these normal parent-child moments.
Every day, the child does more interaction is to look at the electronic screen, and during this time his mother is either on the public phone or talking to others about voice, she would rather spend this time chatting with others than interacting with the child well.
Lack of interactive parent-child relationship, can not better understand the child's personality, ideas, but also can not maintain the parent-child relationship well, so the communication between them every time into a violent quarrel, fight ends, long-term will seriously affect their relationship, as well as the child's personality development.
summary
In fact, I am not talking about how good my child is, he is just an ordinary kindergarten child, but at least I will reflect, communicate what the child has shortcomings or what I need to improve, and strive to become a better person with the child.
Once heard a saying: a child will not become what you want him to be, he will only become what you are. So it is really important to teach by example, if you want your child not to look at the mobile phone, first of all, you have to do it yourself, instead of holding the mobile phone every day to talk on the phone, you want the child to get along with other children happily, first of all, give him this opportunity and teach him how to get along with other children.
As the saying goes, there is a bear parent behind every bear child. If the parents are not aware of their own problems, the child will not feel that he has a problem, I hope that this mother will see the difference between his son and other children during this time, so that he can cause him to pay attention to and reflect, otherwise he will raise a child alive.