Wen/Lan Mama on parenting
On what kind of children are the best, I believe that there is nothing more resonant than the word "self-discipline", and self-discipline is too perfect, and it is easy to become a mirror, as a parent only hopes that their children can consciously self-discipline, because such children do not need too much reminder from parents, usually they can do their own things well, and self-disciplined children also know what kind of time to do what kind of things.
However, there are not many children who can have self-discipline, Jobs once said that "self-discipline is self-confidence, and self-confidence is freedom, life without self-management is difficult to become better", it is said that Jobs in the creation of a new era of Apple intelligence, every morning at four o'clock, before nine o'clock must complete the work, it is this tenacious self-discipline spirit to achieve their own business empire.
Why is the self-disciplined life like a hanging? In fact, it lies in the word self-awareness, children with self-consciousness ability often manage their lives very well, and in what state they know what kind of things to complete, but in real life, there are not many people who can maintain self-discipline very well, and even many adults cannot achieve the self-consciousness in the plan.
The biggest enemy of self-discipline is laziness, and the biggest enemy of laziness is parents
The other day, the cousin who planned to lose weight said full of vitality the night before, "I will get up at five o'clock tomorrow morning to run, and come back at six o'clock to bring you breakfast", as a result, when a ray of sunlight shone into the bedroom in the morning, the cousin slowly opened her eyes, and the mother had already begun to be busy in the kitchen, looked at the cousin of the mobile phone and said mischievously, "It seems that the plan has failed again", and the mother is not angry to say "lose any fat, a day of net blind tossing".
From this point of view, it may be in the perspective of many adults is "blind tossing", but in fact, behind the plan is a self-discipline attitude embodiment, self-discipline is not natural, not innate, it is necessary to enhance self-ability through continuous learning, like educators' self-discipline pursuit is needed to be achieved through strategies and methods, and children's self-discipline pursuit is reflected in many parents.
If the biggest enemy of self-discipline is laziness, then the biggest enemy of laziness is the parents, parents are encouraging, supporting, or "splashing cold water" for the child will directly affect the child's cognition, and parents, as the biggest enemy of laziness, usually in the child's self-discipline should never expect them to be born conscious.
Case:
Cousin Orange is a stronger career woman, as a single mother, she is not ambiguous in the education investment of her daughter Xinxin, Xinxin likes to dance, a flick is a few thousand bills to report for classes, Xinxin likes to travel, an arrangement is more than 10,000 travel groups, Xinxin likes to paint, in addition to the after-school arrangement of the painting class iPad is also said to buy.
On the growth and cultivation of children, the cousin's inspirational idea is multi-talented and versatile, but the fact is that Xinxin does everything half-heartedly and unconsciously, such as reporting for a dance class just when the playground is like a hi skin to go home, the complex movements of the dancing process are never willing to try to break through, it is the unwillingness to try to "give up and retreat when encountering difficulties", which also leads to a serious lack of self-awareness in this child.
In the face of the daughter's half-heartedness, the cousin orange is "talking about the mouth" kung fu can not change the child's laziness, especially as the child grows older, those preaching, urging, and nagging in exchange for more rebellious behavior, such as not wanting to listen to the door to shut themselves in the bedroom, put on headphones to listen to music, or run away from home and other extreme behaviors, have become the child's rebellious behavior in the most frustrating parents helpless.
analyse:
In fact, the reason why children grow up have a lot of extreme rebellious behavior is nothing more than a difference in thinking with parents, in which parents' arranged, urging, or idea replication limits the child's freedom in thought and behavior, and self-discipline is not something that can be waited for while sitting, and needs to be gradually improved and implemented through continuous practical behavior.
Therefore, behind every self-disciplined child stands a parent who understands distance and knows how to guide, and the best distance between parents and children is also the relationship between the driver and the co-pilot, and what the co-pilot parents can do as children is to see more, say less, advise and order less.
Of course, many things adult consciousness is not necessarily better than the child, parents in the cultivation of children's self-discipline ability when the first to restrain their own behavior, the so-called "no rules do not make a square circle", parents in the education of children not only to make rules for children, but also to make rules for themselves, of which the self-discipline ability of the 6 educational family rules are worth collecting by every parent.
Among them, the five major educators share:
House Rule 1: Ability is greater than grades
The essence of self-discipline lies in ability, a conscious child who knows how to "what time, what to do", is also accompanied by a self-discipline blessing, but in terms of self-discipline, parents must pay attention to the child's ability to show, especially in learning, performance does not represent everything, and the child's ability to show is also an immeasurable growth value.
If the child itself lacks self-discipline, then parents must first pay attention to the child's psychological state, if self-discipline is self-confidence, then the child's self-confidence is indispensable to the embodiment and continuation of their own ability, especially when the child's academic performance is not ideal, parents should regard ability as more important than achievement.
Among them, in the self-disciplined family rules that strive harder than the grades, parents need to often say some positive encouragement words to the children, such as telling the children that "although the grades are very important, but the ability is the crystallization of the achievements, as long as you work harder, I believe that the grades will be better", if the parents usually learn to encourage, praise, and recognize the children, I believe that the parents who can pay attention to the ability to show, will definitely bring more positive spirit to the children, and a steady stream of self-confidence!
House Rule Two: Role Models, Influence by Example
On the best way to continue the child's self-discipline, there is nothing more representative than parents to do a good role model of self-discipline, the most representative of the influence of the body, if the child's self-discipline is not good enough, then what parents have to do is to bring self-discipline into the family, into education, so that the child's body and mind and surrounding are driven by self-discipline to emit more luster, in fact, this is the role model to bring the value of influence.
Among them, parents need to do a good job in the influence of self-discipline role models, and they need to do the following major educational family rules:
1) Don't promise easily, but promises to your child must be done
2) The plan made by the child, whether good or bad, only gives advice and does not have the right to decide
3) Support the child's arrangement, encourage the child to actively participate, keep the contract and keep faith on time
4) Make a life plan and complete the plan strictly according to the time order
5) Arrange a housework plan, the whole family acts according to the plan, and self-discipline is a habit
6) Allow children to do what they like, parents should distinguish between priorities and priorities, and do not participate too much
House Rule Three: Bitter before Sweet
Children who know self-discipline generally have a relatively tenacious perseverance to do things, and when they encounter difficulties, they will do their best to do things perfectly, even if they know that the process is very hard, they will not be afraid at all, in fact, such a tenacious spirit comes from the tempering of practice, if the child can't move to wipe tears, sobbing, behind the tofu heart it is difficult to have self-discipline in various difficult environments.
Therefore, to cultivate the spirit of self-discipline of children, parents must let children learn to be bitter and then sweet, all say "eat bitterly, be a good person", behind every achievement and glory is inseparable from the bitter and bitter state of affairs, and children with a spirit of hardship are more likely to maintain the original intention in various difficult scenes, and the results are better, if the child has a beginning and an end and is not afraid of suffering, is it afraid that the self-discipline ability is not strong enough?
Among them, the first bitter and then sweet house rules parents should keep the following in mind:
1) Don't meddle in what your child can do on his own
2) Encourage children to be innovative and try new discoveries
3) When the child encounters setbacks and failures, tell him to "try again, the result will be different"
4) Respect your child's subjective consciousness and don't meddle in their decisions
5) Take your child to participate in endurance things such as mountaineering, rock climbing, long-distance running, playing ball, planting trees or fishing
Family Rule Four: Rewards and punishments should be clear
Good family education includes self-discipline training, parents in addition to appreciating the child's personal ability, good example and cultivate the child's first bitter and then sweet perseverance, in the overall level of education also need to pay attention to the reward is reward, punishment is punishment, when the child performs well, do not skimp on praise and praise.
However, when the child is messing around, encountering unreasonable or knowingly committing a crime, when the child should be punished, do not be soft and weak, let the child understand that "the rules are for bondage, and the bondage is to make the thinking clearer", the child can better adapt to the various restraints in society, which is why the self-disciplined child can always be reflected in any time and any place.
House Rule Five: Respect is better than authority
Good family education and parent-child relationship must be reflected in the mutual understanding and appreciation of mutual respect, and families who know how to respect and tolerate children are often more likely to give birth to self-disciplined babies, this is because respect is always better than authority, being respected for children is more of a feeling of self-confidence, and a sense of existence, parents know how to respect children, children will also give back to you in the same way in the future.
But in reality, there are many parents in the education of children, are like to set up an authoritative package or substitute model for their children, but this comprehensive arrangement seems to be perfect, but it is not what the child wants, with the increase in the sense of independence of age, the hair-trigger rebellion war will sooner or later become the failure of authoritative education, and mutual respect education is different, it can be through communication or compassion to narrow the distance, bring more educational texture.
Education is actually a science, the need to grow up is not only the child, parents learn to work with the times to show the effect of near Zhu Zhichi, and educating children is also a "slow motion" embodiment, usually more advantages amplify, less shortcomings to complain, and children to work together and do a good role model believe that self-disciplined children can be easily born!
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I am Lan Ma, focusing on the analysis of the parenting field author, with personal examples, a variety of family education examples, to record the moment of parenting feelings, like friends, welcome to pay attention to @ Lan Mama talk about parenting together to learn and grow together!