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The Analects says, "One word rejuvenates the state, and the other word mourns the state." "The importance of language in our actual lives is self-evident, how a person speaks to a certain extent determines what kind of life he will have, and cultivating his ability to speak is to accumulate luck for himself."
Man is a social species, it is impossible to exist independently of others, we need to cooperate with others to achieve the final result, and what really determines the fate of your life is this body part - the mouth.
People who have the ability to not speak are easily excluded, and those who do not have the ability to speak are mostly not out of the ordinary.
The first rule is to learn to be silent
Really powerful people know how to shut up when they should shut up when they should be in the process of interacting with people. You may feel that you are just expressing your true thoughts, and in private you can say whatever you want, but in social situations where many people exist, your casual words may offend others.
Zhu Bailu said: "We should not say much in the world, and if we say more, we will lose." Some people catch the opportunity to play treasure, regardless of the occasion of the gushing, this kind of people usually have no sense of proportion to people and things, thinking that they are true temperament, in fact, in the eyes of others is a "brainless two hundred and five."
People are multifaceted and have different experiences, and you never know which of your words will sting whom, and when that person will have an interest in you.
Taking a step back, even if there is no stake, how can it not be a kind of goodwill to deliberate before opening the mouth? From the perspective of the law of conservation of energy, every good you do now will be rewarded to yourself in another form in the future, and kindness to others is also to accumulate luck for yourself.
Second, don't complain
Zhang Defen said: "Complaining is the most energy-consuming unintentional move. "But there will always be people in life who like to complain, and if they are discouraged, they may cause visible losses to themselves, but they will always make people uncomfortable, and even affect the mood of the day."
Although emotions are a very personal thing, emotions are fluid, and we are easily affected by the emotions of the people around us.
Zeng Guofan once said: "The success or failure of a lifetime is related to the merits of friends." "The instinct of human beings to seek advantage and avoid harm drives people to prefer to be with people with positive energy, and not to love to have deep friendships with people who like to complain is almost every adult's self-consciousness."
And if a person is keen to complain, it is naturally difficult for him to have friends around him who can support each other and move forward.
At the same time, the life of such people is also doomed to be difficult to make great achievements, and the body is prone to problems. There is a term in psychology called "cancer personality", that is, a person who habitually has negative emotions for a long time is 15 times more likely to develop cancer than the average person. Therefore, managing a good mouth and a good mentality should be an essential skill for positive adults.
Of course, there are no absolutes in everything, Sanmao once said: "Occasionally complaining about life may be a certain emotional catharsis, and it is not indispensable." ”
But if you form a habit, be vigilant, because every word you say has the potential to have the opposite effect on your brain, which in turn affects your true behavior.
Finally, don't talk about people behind your back
Harvey McKay once said, "The greatest distance between people in the world is six people." When you say something behind someone's back, you think he's not there and can't hear him, but eventually he'll know that every demeaning thing we say has the potential to reach his ears.
However, talking about people behind the scenes is a common phenomenon, and starting from human behavior, talking about other people's gossip or bad things is the fastest way to establish social relationships.
Psychologists also believe that "hating someone together can forge a stronger relationship than sharing positive information." ”
Once two people who were not familiar with each other say bad things about someone together, they will feel close to each other, and their relationship will take a qualitative leap.
But this is only the appearance, and the friendship that everyone behind it has quickly established is quite fragile and completely untested.
And once the bad news comes out, not only will the person you're talking about disgusted with you, but your social reputation will also be affected, and from then on, no one will really trust you in interpersonal interactions, because you have been labeled "hypocritical".
People have to go a long way in life, we must know how to plan for ourselves in the process of starting and moving forward, networking is a strong support for our achievements in this world, and the way you speak and your ability determine how much you can build a circle of contacts
Xi Yin once said: "People who can talk can always express their ideas skillfully, and they are happy, they are welcomed in the social circle, and life is always accompanied by good luck." ”
People are limited, although we all know that some words may not come from the heart, but who is born who does not like to listen to good words and get along with people who make people feel like a spring breeze? Who wants to be rude to people who export every day?
Therefore, managing your mouth well is actually managing your own life.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351.