【Beauty play story】, light up the future of children with dreams!
Hello everyone, I'm Maco.
Today we're going to talk about the effect of the "suggestive effect" on children.
Psychology explains the "suggestive effect" as follows:
Under the condition of no confrontation, the indirect method of implicit and abstract induction has an impact on people's psychology and behavior, so as to induce people to act in a certain way or accept certain opinions, so that their thoughts and behaviors are consistent with the desired goals of the suggester.
The most typical example of the "suggestive effect" is "Wangmei quenching thirst", Cao Cao led his soldiers to a place without water, and the soldiers were very thirsty.
Cao Cao told the soldiers that there was a plum tree in front of them, and the plums were sweet and sour; when the soldiers listened, they drooled and did not feel thirsty, which was the result of the suggestive effect.
There is a causal cycle between human ideas and behaviors. There is a causal cycle between human ideas and behaviors.
So, how does the suggestive effect affect children in everyday life?
The way of influencing is mainly the parents' evaluation of the child, the impact on the child is good or bad, the root is hidden in the mouth of the parents.
The harm that a parent's "negative cues" can do to a child is devastating
There have been news reports that Fan Jincheng, a 33-year-old female college student, has been eaten for 10 years after graduation, not that she did not work hard, but that her life was ruined by the cold words of her parents.
From childhood to adulthood, she was "what not to do" in the eyes of her parents.
The first time she cooked, her mother said disgustedly, "It's really hard to eat." ”
She loved carving and costume design, and her mother said, "What's the use of you, go read your book." ”
After graduating from college, she wanted to start her own business, and her mother said, "You can't achieve anything, you're going to do something, I'll kneel for you." ”
Under the long-term blow and denial of her parents, she began to become inferior, denied her own value, and even suffered from social phobia, afraid of communicating with people, and could only hide at home for a long time.
The negative hints of parents, like a dose of poison, can always inadvertently destroy the child's self-confidence and ruin the child's future. More seriously, such psychological cues can keep the child moving closer to the negative image described by the parents.
There have been news reports before that there was a 16-year-old boy who set fires 8 times in a day, and after setting the fire, he deliberately stayed where he was and waited for the police to arrest him.
The reason for his arson was also very simple, because when his father scolded and reprimanded him every day, he always said that he had to go to jail sooner or later.
In these negative hints from his father, he became more and more disobedient and even embarked on the road of no return for sin.
Adele Farber, an international parent-child communication expert, said:
Never underestimate the impact of your words on a child's life.
Children will believe and accept their parents' evaluation of themselves. If parents always evaluate their children there for not being good enough, the children will really form bad habits there and "sit" on the parents' bad reviews.
Give your child any hints and he will grow up the way you say. If the above two parents could give their children more encouragement and give them some positive hints, the result may not be so regrettable.
Unfortunately, growth cannot be repeated, and there are no ifs in life.
Give the child positive hints, he will develop in the direction of excellence
American psychologist Rosenthal once conducted a "future development trend test" on students in 18 classes of a primary school.
After the test, he handed the teacher a list of "most promising" students, implying that these students were promising.
After 8 months, he found that the students on the list had made great progress in their grades and their personalities had become more cheerful and confident.
In fact, the list was just handwritten by him and had nothing to do with the test itself.
The students on the list have become more hard to move closer to the image of "I have a future" because they are hinted at "I have a future for development", thus stimulating the potential of all aspects.
Psychology refers to this phenomenon as "self-evident prophecy":
That is, people will unconsciously act according to prophecies and eventually make them come true.
When Edison was in elementary school, he came home from school one day and handed a small note to his mother and said:
"Mom, the teacher handed me this note and said only you can see it, what did he say?"
Edison's mother read it, held back tears, and read aloud to the child: "Your child is a genius, this school is too small for him, there is no good teacher to train him, please teach him yourself." ”
Years after Edison's mother passed away, Edison stumbled upon a letter in the closet that the teacher had asked him to give to his mother, which read:
"Your child has a mental disability, we can't let him stay in school, he's dropped out."
When Edison saw the letter, he was very excited. He wrote in his diary: "Thomas. Edinson was a mentally handicapped child, but his mother transformed him into the genius of the century. ”
If a parent often says that his child is excellent, even if the child encounters setbacks, he can work hard to overcome them and not let himself fail to live up to his parents' expectations.
Positive cues are like a "lion" that awakens the child's potential energy.
The parent's mouth hides the child's future
My son didn't wear his socks, and I immediately criticized him, "On such a cold day, the socks are not well worn." ”
The son raised his head and said to me with grievance, "Mom, you have criticized me 10 times today, and you have not praised me..."
I softened my tone and asked, "Is there any?" Has your mother criticized you so many times? ”
The son broke his fingers and counted: "You think I am slow to dress, criticized 1 time; you think I eat breakfast slowly, criticized 1 time; you think I touched the mask with my hand, criticized 1 time..."
These are originally the trivial things in life, but I didn't expect the child to remember it.
Put yourself in the shoes of a child who wants to spend a day in criticism. Later, I changed my previous criticism and gently reminded: "Remember to wear socks when the weather is cold." She quickly put on her socks.
Sometimes she reminds me in turn: "Mom, it's cold, remember to wear socks." ”
After this incident, I seemed to have spied the secret of the child's psychological growth: words of praise have more power to influence and urge; and the words of criticism are too much, and the child listens to numbness, and will not use his heart to reflect and correct.
The direction of praising children can be divided into three categories: learning, playing, and life, and targeted praise for children.
Of course, praising children is not touting them recklessly, but to praise them truthfully and with heart.
The famous educator Suzuki Zhen said: "The encouragement and praise of children is not unprincipled, but the use of scientific and appropriate methods to make children truly inspired by the hearts of the people." ”
The content of our praise is that the child really did a good job, and it is worth affirming, and such praise is sincere.
The form of praising children is not limited to verbal praise, but can also take a richer form. For example, giving a thumbs up to the child and giving the child a hug can not only bring pleasure to the child, but also increase the child's self-confidence in growth.
Remind yourself to praise your child every day. With the praise and encouragement of parents, you will be pleased to find that the child has really become what we expect.