The pursuit should be the moment the trumpet of victory sounds, not the moment you start acting.
In the relationship, the love that comes by pursuit is often not so "satisfactory", and only the feelings of mutual attraction make people have a "sense of belonging".
The more you pursue, the easier it is to lose your "self-confidence" and become humble and flattering in front of the other party.
As this passage from The Charm of Boredom:
"One of the ironies of love, the more you dislike a person, the more confident and easy you can attract him; the strong desire makes people lose the inattentiveness that is indispensable in the game of love; if you always pursue, you will produce inferiority complex, because we always give the most perfect quality to the person we love deeply." 」
To meet someone you like, you rely on "mutual attraction" rather than your blind pursuit.
-01
What is "attraction" in love?
First understand, what is attraction?
The attraction in a relationship between the sexes is: your own strengths and shining points, attracting the other person close to you; your value, making up for the other person's flaws and desires.
Tell a little story:
Just after being paid, the girl went shopping to add a red down jacket to herself.
So she went in every store to look around, but rarely found that there was a red dress that suited her and attracted her at a glance.
Although the clerk was patient and enthusiastic in introducing her to the clothes, she still did not like them; they were young and beautiful to wear, but she did not like them or disliked them.
But in order to show her respect and courtesy, she still patiently listened to the introduction, and then said "thank you" and went to visit the next one.
This is true every time.
Finally, when she wanted to give up, she suddenly found the red clothes of the model in the store around a corner, and at that moment she had only one thought in her mind: Yes, this is it, no longer choose.
In the process of buying clothes for girls, red clothes are the "ideal partner" in her heart, the clerk is the person who pursues her, and every shop she walks in is the opposite sex she encounters on the road of life.
You see, doesn't this look like a love story?
The same is true of love.
When someone pursues you, you may not feel happy and happy, but instead feel stressed and irritable.
Pursued by people you don't like, you have to pretend to be polite and show your own cultivation and respect;
You have hinted at the other party many times "I don't like you, please give up", but he is still unmoved, cheekily pursuing you, and even bringing trouble to your life.
Don't like it, just don't like it, no matter how reluctant you can't attract you.
But when you meet someone you like, in that instant you make up your mind; because some shining point in him deeply touches a soft place in your heart and fascinates you.
Love is obtained by attraction, not by your hard pursuit.
-02
The pursuit of feelings may not be "smooth"
First: What you give is not what the other party wants
She likes to eat apples, but you bought her a cart of oranges to send over, she has not liked to eat oranges since she was a child, you don't know this.
But you gave her a cart of oranges and said to her, "Look how much I hurt you, how much I love you, how much I care about you; if you want fruit, I'll give you a cart of fruit." ”
But you know what? What you give is not what she wants.
Although you are good, you are excellent, but you are not the type she likes.
The more you pursue, the more trouble it will only cause her and even make her resent you.
Love is what it likes, not what it asks.
To do what she likes is to understand her, and to answer what is not asked is a wrong way.
Second: Even if they are together, they may not be suitable
You have been pursuing the person you like for a long time, but together you find that all this is not as beautiful as you think.
The longer you spend together, the more flaws the other person shows, and you suddenly find that you don't like him that much.
The reason why you pursued him so hard in the first place was precisely because of the "competitive spirit" in your heart.
Now that you have caught up, you will find that this feeling is not what you want it to be.
And for him, there are similar thoughts.
For the sake of face, respect, and constantly persuade yourself to fall in love with each other; eventually you will be wrong, cognitively dissonant, and mistaken for loving each other.
But only you know in your heart that the person you love is not the person in front of you.
-03
How do you attract the right people?
What kind of person you are, what kind of people will be attracted.
Whoever you want to be with, contact the people in whichever circle you want.
If you want to find someone who loves to read and has a mood, then go to the library and run to the library when you have nothing to do.
But if you go to the bar every day, you naturally don't meet the type of person you want.
The circles are different, and the people they come into contact with are naturally different.
Second, you have to be attractive enough yourself.
A person's attraction is not only internal, but most importantly, the external image.
If you're always untrimmed and too lazy to dress yourself up, no matter how interesting your soul is, the other person won't bother to approach you.
And not willing to approach you, how to explore your interesting soul?
Finally, with the opposite sex, learn to "appreciate" rather than like.
Appreciation allows you to discover more of the advantages of the other person.
Psychology believes that when we are recognized and concerned by others, we are more willing to show our good side.
The more you admire him, the more he can surprise you.
On the other hand, if you show strong affection from the very beginning of your contact, he will be frightened back by your initiative and enthusiasm.
The relationship between men and women is "progressive":
Acquaintance - understanding - appreciation - trust - good feeling - love.
Today's Topic:
Do you think "attraction" is important when men and women get along?
(Article with picture source network)