Don't let "pay for work" ruin your kids!

I don't know when an educational method was generated in the wind - paid according to work, and many people also formulated a series of "strict" systems for this purpose: "Help your mother brush the bowl - 1 yuan, help your father take slippers - 1 yuan, help your grandmother carry a vegetable basket - 1 yuan, help grandpa hang a bird cage - 1 yuan ... The top 3 awards for the exam are 100 yuan, and the top 10 awards are 50 yuan..." Many parents are proud of this educational method, children have become active in order to earn pocket money, parents have a lot less tongue, and the family is like a small society, in a balanced and stable state.

But this method of education with material, monetary rewards is worth thinking about. It does improve the enthusiasm of children, and it is also conducive to the cultivation of children's sense of achievement. However, there are many hidden dangers buried in this, which is worth using this method to educate parents of children. From a psychological point of view, there are two sources of human motivation, one is external motivation and the other is internal motivation. "Pay by work" is a training method for external motivation, and if the child's external motivation is stimulated for a long time, the internal motivation will gradually disappear. Just like we train a tiger in a reflexive way, drilling a fire ring and giving it a piece of meat, if one day, it finishes drilling the fire ring and does not get meat, it will roar and even bite the trainer.

In the process of children's growth, every time they achieve success, they are very eager to get the affirmation of others. But many parents turn this affirmation into a reward, so the reward becomes an inducement, and the child has become accustomed to it. From the point of view of logical thinking, a concept has been formed in the child's mind, that achievement is a condition, and when it is established, the reward will be triggered; if the condition is true, and there is no reward, there is no point in doing or not doing.

Therefore, too many material rewards can only make children become more and more utilitarian and lose their original motivation. Henry, the 33rd president of the United States, Truman met a teacher when he was a child, and perhaps without this teacher there would be no future president. The teacher was very gentle and the children loved it wherever they went. Every child likes to talk to the teacher, because the teacher's voice is also very gentle. The most special thing is that this teacher is very good at communicating with the child, never skimping on praise, if the child is doing well, she will gently hug and then kiss the child's cute little face as a reward.

Once, there was a little boy in the class named Rose, who was very good at school and very disciplined. When Rose and they entered the new grade, the teacher arranged for Rose to speak on stage and kissed Rose's little cheek affectionately. Henry envied Rose, and he was eager for the teacher to pat his head and kiss his little face. So, he began to work hard to do his best in all aspects, and he wanted to use his grades to attract the attention of his teachers. Sure enough, it wasn't long before Henry's grades improved a lot, and the teacher praised him in front of his classmates and patted his little head. After that, Henry worked harder, and his academic performance skyrocketed, and he soon finished at the top of the class. When he graduated, his wish to enjoy profit came true, and he did come on stage to deliver his graduation speech and get a kind kiss from the teacher.

For children, the material reward of parents is initially exchanged for excitement, and then there will be a tilt of thought, and the idea of "money first, material second" will soon occupy the child's small head, and the child will form wrong values. Then in the future, they will measure the people around them by conditions such as money and material things, and whoever has good things will move closer to whomever they want, and whoever can give them a superior life will be able to follow whomever they want. What a terrible reality! If parents can throw the reward aside and use the spirit as a reward like the teacher, they will definitely get unexpected surprises. Material rewards are like a bottomless pit, once caught in a vicious circle, it is difficult to pull the child back on track, and it is easy to cause some other adolescent growth problems.

When the child finishes cleaning the bowl for you, you hug the child and tell him: "Thank you baby, you have worked hard, and your mother is so touched." When the child comes home with a hundred points of the paper, you kiss the child and say, "You are so wonderful, you must have studied hard, right?" What a good boy. "Don't be stingy with praise, because that will become the driving force for the child to move forward, and if you let go of the temptations of material and money, the child will be more sober and better."