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When people live, they are socialized one after another.
Many of the troubles in our lives actually stem from interpersonal interactions, and interpersonal relationships usually have a great impact on an individual's emotional and mental state.
As the philosopher Hegel said, "There is no love for no reason, and there is no hate for no reason." "All the emotional mindset shifts between people usually have a cause, but sometimes we ignore it because of the trivialities of life.
And the most frightening thing is that in daily social life, some people obviously have dissatisfaction or anger with you, but they will not tell you directly, but behind your back, they will make the plot calculate you.
This kind of person is sometimes overwhelmed and meets a person who is enough to turn his life upside down. Even the psychologist Tomas Moore said in The Night of the Soul:
"It's best to only be friends with people who can express anger, because in complex relationships, being able to express your anger directly shows that you can resolve conflicts in the moment."
Being able to resolve the conflict in the moment shows that he will not make a bad behind his back.
Those who have conflicts that are not resolved properly are often prepared to calculate you later in life, because negative emotions do not disappear for no reason, they are bound to be released.
If a person often gives you these three things in life, you have to be wary of the other party's possible calculation of you.
First, cold violence
Cold violence is an extremely stealthy retaliatory operation that is often imperceptible.
If the person who used to get along with you normally one day suddenly became extremely indifferent, contemptuous, and distant to you, you felt that it was difficult to suffer and could not say, go to the person to communicate, but the other party said lightly, "You think too much."
At this time, you must not drill the tip of the bull's horn, the other party may really be cold and violent to you, if too real, the ultimate pain must be you.
At the same time, you must also seriously reflect on whether there is anything that caused the misunderstanding between the two in the past, the reconciliation that can be reconciled, and the case of non-reconciliation, you must know how to protect your mental health, and do not be deliberately used by the other party to affect your life.
Mary Frans irigoyan, in her book Cold Violence, argues that the best way to address cold violence is to cut off and initiate cold violence as much as possible.
No matter how close your relationship was, when he made the means cold and violent you, this relationship is not worth lingering, please simply leave cleanly.
Second, kill
Killing is the other extreme of calculating others. Don't think that those who deny you and suppress you must be the ones who really calculate you, compared to this kind of positive attack, those who kill you are really terrible, and the way they calculate you to destroy you usually makes you invincible.
If someone inexplicably starts to praise you and put a top hat on you, don't be in a hurry to be happy, first think about whether you have offended him recently.
People who praise you may not really appreciate you, they may just want to destroy you by the strength of the crowd, Zhu Bailu has a cloud in the "Zhu Zi Family Training": "Lun is always obedient, and he will die out immediately; if he is not worthy of the position, there will be disasters." ”
If a man's praise is far from his true strength, how long do you think he can stand on high?
It won't be long. And he must have fallen badly. And the day you fall is when the tricks of those who have put you on the altar have succeeded.
Therefore, when walking the rivers and lakes, we must be clear about how many pounds we have, and if we have a clear self-awareness, we will not be easily exaggerated by others, and we will not know who we are.
Third, small troubles
As a social species, human beings are bound to be unable to escape frequent social interactions.
If you used to be in your own social relationships, but suddenly one day there is a sudden increase in small troubles around you, such as a colleague who used to print documents for you suddenly refused to help you print documents; colleagues who often left work with you refused to be like you; some daily small things were often rejected.
At this time, if there is no real problem in yourself, you must be wary of perhaps someone around you maliciously ruining your reputation and spreading rumors that will discredit you.
Because in order to prove their noble sentiments in social activities, people will definitely choose the team, if someone is revealed to have moral problems, then people will invariably isolate and alienate him to prove their position and moral standards.
This means is the most disgraceful and the most difficult to solve, so in work and life, in addition to improving our own ability and the ability to deal with the world, we must guard against those hidden "little people", sometimes their casual words may affect your social image and affect your future.
Most things in this world are essentially human affairs, do not psychologically reject the handling of interpersonal relationships, but learn to handle various interpersonal relationships decently in the big dye vat of social activities.
If you can smooth out your relationships, you will find that many things in life will become relatively easy.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351.