Reject emotional expression and learn to express emotions

Just read an insight into an article "The Key to Family Education: Learning to Express Emotions, Not Emotional Expressions", which has benefited a lot and shared it with everyone.

"There is a scene in "The Lion King": Simba the lion, disobeying his father's orders, sneaks to the elephant cemetery, is besieged by hyena icons, and almost loses his life, but fortunately his father Mufasa saves him.

Afterwards, the father and son talked alone in the twilight of the grassland.

It is said that Simba has caused such a big disaster, and his father must teach him a good lesson and let him have a long memory, so as to ensure that he will not commit it again in the future.

Unexpectedly, my father told Simba that he was very scared today because he was very afraid of losing Simba.

Simba also revealed his thoughts to his father: he went to the elephant cemetery because he wanted to prove that he was as brave as his father.

He didn't know that his father would be afraid too, that he would be so worried about him.

Mufasa told Simba:

Courage is true only when necessary, when there is no other choice, or risky.

The conversation ended here, and the father and son after the release of their nostalgia frolicked and chased affectionately in the night of the grassland.

And most of us parents are more accustomed to wearing the armor of anger, using yelling to make children submit and make children obedient.

I'm going to punish him, make him afraid, make him feel bad, so that next time he won't dare to make the same "mistake" again.

Unfortunately, anger and punishment only inspire fear.

The child may indeed become obedient, but the motivation behind obedience is fear, because of the fear of punishment, the fear of being abandoned and the fear of doing it.

Once the punishment is gone, he is likely to become more intense to compensate for past repression.

Or, he will become more clever, trying to exploit loopholes to punish and become a "slippery" child.

Or, he will become a non-committal, very sensitive child, accustomed to looking at other people's faces and acting.

Or maybe he's no longer afraid of punishment.

What do you do when punishment loses its power? ”

The lion father's approach to education in The Lion King is the textbook correct way.

More of our parents are yelling and scolding angrily, creating fear to make their children submit.

When the height of the child is lower than the parent, out of the existential crisis and the disparity in the value of force, the child has no choice but to suppress anger and humiliation, observe the color, throw in his favor, and violate the yin and yang.

When one day, the child can finally look down or look down on the parents, the angry little universe has a full outbreak, no longer afraid, and begins to break free of all shackles and release the self.

I have seen feng shui taking turns in many families. Parents who used to be high and said one thing and one thing without another suddenly had no choice but to play the role of their former children, only to promise, to observe the color, and to be afraid of the tail. Not all of these children are mentally ill.

Therefore, parents should set a good example, say NO to "emotional expression", and learn to express emotions.

I've put together a set of good ways that work and are already enjoying dividends:

First, try to have fun on your own and take care of your children less. "Smile, shut up, let go, live yourself.".

Second, try to talk only about happy and relaxed topics. I know that it will lead to unpleasant and confrontational topics, and I will never mention it.

Regarding what to learn, children are willing not to be reminded by their parents. Children are unwilling, and parents mention it thousands of times in vain.

Third, the export must be good, if there is no good word, shut up, do not export in anger and hurt people.

Sometimes parents will be angry and tell their children that they are angry and want to stay alone.

Some things, once angry, feel that it is just a small thing, do not have to be angry.

Even if it is a big thing, calm down, more rational response.

Fourth, when speaking, say less "how do you do it", say more "I feel...", express all kinds of true feelings in your heart, and avoid accusing and criticizing children.

The human heart is made of flesh, and everyone has a conscience. When parents do not accuse and criticize their children, their children will not enter a state of attack and confrontation, and they will be more calm, empathize with parents, and negotiate friendly.

Fifth, a good parent-child relationship is more important than everything else.

Let the child like you and be willing to be you when they grow up. That's the best education.

Good relationships are more important than right and wrong.

Don't worry about your child's cognitive errors. "Stress affects emotions, and emotions determine cognition." When the child's mood is better, the cognition will slowly change.