Most Chinese mention their father and mother, and most of them will think of the impression of "strict father and mother".
Just like in "Dream of the Red Chamber", When Jia Baoyu heard his father summon him, he "didn't feel like a thunderbolt", but he could "carry Madame Wang's neck and talk about gossip".
In fact, parents love their children deeply, but the mother's love is like water, and the father's love is like a mountain.
For example, a child gets scratched while moving things together. Mothers tend to help bandage; fathers, on the other hand, tend to look at them and say, "Or I'll come."
Probably the Chinese father is always not good at words, just like Zhu Ziqing's "Back Shadow", through the example of buying oranges, we can see the strong father's love.
But there is such a father who has written a book about his love for his daughter - "I want to meet your life".
Some people say that this is a love letter for children.
The book records the daily life of the father and daughter, describes how the father pays attention to every step of his daughter's life, and shares what life experiences, hoping to make every step of the child's life more solid.
The author of this book, Yang Zhao, whose real name is Li Mingjun, is a writer, editor, adjunct lecturer at Taipei University of the Arts, and radio program host.
At first he just wanted his daughter to write 12 long letters for her to read when she grew up.
Until my daughter was in the third grade, she entered a period of questioning. Asked a lot by her, Yang Zhao wanted to record those touching things and show them to her.
It was recorded for three years, and the year her daughter graduated from elementary school, the book became.
Now, let's take a look at what is said in "I Want to Meet Your Life".
Always insist on getting things right
Yang Zhao's daughter is very good at musical instruments.
At a Christmas party, she collaborated with four other students on a quintet. Yang Zhao felt that the overall result was not bad after listening, but it was a little abrupt at the end.
Later, after communicating with my daughter, I learned that my daughter could not play the last piano solo.
The reason was that the other four classmates said that their performance was over, but finally they had to listen to her solo piano on the stage, which was not good.
Although Yang Zhao's daughter was a little aggrieved, she also felt that it was strange to stop so abruptly, but considering the feelings of her cooperative classmates, she chose not to play.
But Yang Zhao believes that her daughter only considered the feelings of her cooperative classmates, but did not take into account the feelings of the audience. From the perspective of musical expression, it is more important to care about the feelings of the listeners.
In the book, he wrote that he hoped that his daughter would be a little more insistent on what she thought was right, and not so easily compromised.
No matter how much consideration there is, no matter how many obstacles there are, it is always time to insist on doing things right. If one method doesn't work, change it.
I would like to say that sometimes, if you really insist on doing the right thing, you can get it done.
Just like the late Qing Dynasty famous minister Zeng Guofan.
Some people say that Zeng Guofan is not clever, because he did not listen to the advice of others, insisted on writing to the emperor, and almost lost his life several times.
He also insisted on reading history every day, insisting on writing a diary...
Just because he feels these things are right and should insist on doing them.
The final result is also obvious, Zeng Guofan insisted on doing the right thing, and indeed had a good result.
Please believe that what you are doing may not see results for a while, but do not be discouraged or anxious, one day you will be fruitful.
The process of striving for perfection is more important than the result
One night, Yang Zhao was cooking in the kitchen and heard her daughter repeatedly practicing a short passage from Chopin's Narrative Song No. 1 in the piano room.
While cooking, he unconsciously counted the number of times his daughter practiced.
From the beginning of the practice, until she was able to play fluently, she practiced at least 139 times in a row.
Yang Zhao admired her daughter's seriousness, but she couldn't help but be a little worried.
He thought of a "three-Michelin" chef named Lovaso. The celebrity chef wanted to make the side dish of white cauliflower flavor. After trying many methods, he finally introduced a white cauliflower that he had carefully concocted.
I didn't expect the first food critic to taste, gave a bad evaluation.
Lorvasso was so frustrated that he committed suicide.
The chef's perfectionism made him unable to accept his failure.
After listening to her daughter play the same paragraph 139 times, Yang Zhao told her daughter that the pursuit of perfection is not impossible, but we should pay more attention to the process of pursuing perfection. After all, the sense of accomplishment obtained in the process is actually higher than the final result.
At the same time, perfection should not be based on the evaluation and opinion of others, but should measure the distance between oneself and perfection according to one's own standards.
I deeply agree with this.
After all, in recent years, I have seen too many tragedies in which children despise life because of their pursuit of perfection.
Even if these children who pursue perfect results grow up, they will inevitably be paranoid.
In 2019, a man was investigated for illegal parking on the highway, but refused to show his driver's license, and even tried to threaten, bribe, and pull the traffic police, and finally ran to the middle of the highway to stop the car and threatened to commit suicide.
He said: "I want to keep 12 years without deducting a point, I strive for perfection, deduction can but can not deduct points. ”
Smith, a personality psychologist at Weston University in Canada, said, "Obsessing over flawless perfection is itself a psychopathy." ”
Maybe true perfection is never perfect.
Learn to look at the world without fear
Yang Zhao's friend's family traveled to Turkey for three weeks.
This is a walk-and-go trip, dragging the family with the mouth, self-help throughout the whole process, and encountering many difficulties.
After learning the story of this trip, Yang Zhao admired his friend's adventurous spirit and the strange experience he would encounter on such a trip, because he only wanted to take his daughter to a safe and controllable place. For example, Japan, Germany, Beijing...
In the Goethe House in Frankfurt, Yang Zhao's daughter listened intently to the audio guide, looking at every room and every piece of furniture, quite interested; in the Beethoven House in Bonn, she was interested in everything as soon as she entered; in the Forbidden City in Beijing, although she felt that each palace was too far away, she also looked at the red walls and green tiles there...
Yang Zhao believes that Paris has the story of Paris, New York has the story of New York, and Beijing has the story of Beijing.
He hopes that his daughter can go to more places in the future, treat strange places and strange things calmly and with ease, constantly explore and increase the stories that she can feel, and always observe, experience and absorb with interest.
Looking at the world is really the only magic weapon to accelerate growth.
I am reminded of the documentary I saw before, "The Adventures of Simba", which tells the story of the father Lao Ji and his child Simba traveling around the world.
When Simba was 3 years old, LaoJi took him through 12 countries and traveled around for 185 days; when Simba was 5 years old, they crossed South America for 146 days to go to Antarctica to see penguins; when Simba was 8 years old, LaoJi took him to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau.
In the process of looking at the world, Simba learned to respect other beings and understand his responsibility to protect them.
Because I have seen the world, I know how to put the world in my heart.
As cartoonist Zhu Deyong said: Seeing the world clearly does not make the world a better place. But it may make you better after seeing clearly what the world is.
Being able to make people remember is the skill
Yang Zhao's daughter's name has a strange word.
Once, Yang Zhao entrusted people to make promotional leaflets and posters for the joint music box that her daughter was going to open. Almost every friend who got the leaflet noticed Yang Zhao's daughter's name.
Because there are words in the name that are difficult to pronounce.
Yang Zhao admitted that this is a selfish heart of his parents.
Yang Zhao's generation's names are usually popular, and his parents are not so concerned about their upbringing. Sometimes, he inevitably feels that he has missed the opportunity to become a unique person, and according to the expectations of his parents and society, he has become an ordinary person.
Therefore, when naming children, we do not want children to have too popular and popular names. As soon as a child is born, he bothers to give them a unique name.
But Yang Zhao also thought that a good name cannot guarantee that the child can truly become a good person in the future.
Therefore, he wants to tell his daughter that if he wants to stand out, he also needs to establish his own personality in the process of growing up, have his own opinions, have the courage to make his own judgments, and devote himself wholeheartedly to his pursuit.
Just like a musician with a personality and ideas, no matter how popular his name is, others will still stick to his music and engrave that name firmly in his mind.
I thought of the famous writer Lin Qingxuan.
Lin Qingxuan only looks at his appearance, absolutely not outstanding, and even a reader wrote to him, saying, "You actually look the same as the clown 'Fire Cloud Evil God' in Zhou Xingchi's movie, it is really better to see each other than to miss it!" ”
But such a humble, dry and thin man has been firmly remembered by countless readers.
The name is not great, the important thing is that the individual stands out and is remembered.
The love of parents for their children is probably the most selfless love in the world.
Every child, no matter how old they are, feels that they are still living under the wings of their parents.
In the face of setbacks and injuries, as long as one looks back, you can see that your parents are still there.
As a parent, all I want is for my child to grow up healthy, safe, happy, and positive.
As a child, what you can do is probably to understand your parents, care for your parents, and remember to leave a copy of the tenderness of this life.