Have you often asked your child "Dad and Mom, who do you prefer?" ”
Do you remember what your child answered?
Now imagine if your child's answer was you, would you feel very happy and satisfied, and feel that you were asking the right question?
If the child's answer is that you like both, then will you not have any reaction, and even feel a little dissatisfied with the child's answer, feel unsatisfied, and only want the child to choose you?
If your child's answer isn't you, are you angry and want your child to change his or her perspective?
Lemon found that many parents like to use this question to test their children, but it is not difficult to think about it, no matter who the child's answer is, it will always hurt one side, and the child can not really get happy, what is the meaning of this question? Not only parents, but also for children, it may also be a kind of harm.
Huang Lei's daughter Duoduo showed great rejection of this issue, a few years ago, Huang Lei and his daughter jointly on a variety show, on the stage host asked Duoduo: "Do you prefer mom or dad"? Duoduo's answer made Huang Lei cry on the spot, she replied like this: "Mom and Dad have to love, if you like Dad more, Mom will be very sad, and Mom worked so hard to give birth to me; if you like Mom, then Dad will also be very sad, because Dad has been earning money to support the family, all for me!" ”
An eight-year-old child understands the truth, but many adults do not understand.
Asking children to answer "who does Dad and Mom love more" is actually a battle for children.
I remember hearing two parents talk like this:
The two mothers talked about some of their children's situations, and the two shared their parenting experience with each other; a mother began to talk about the problem of her children sleeping late, and then chatted about one of the mothers suddenly said: "In this regard, my child is still very sensible, I never look for his father when I want to sleep, as long as I, I sleep fast with him, and I usually have to wait until I come home to say that I want to sleep" The words cannot be concealed.
Have you ever heard something similar? Such words are only the current parents' show-off, but they do not help the children and life, and even affect the harmony of the family. This is because the parent of the child, if he always says in front of the child that the other party is not good, will eventually make the child unable to identify with himself:
Half of the child's genes come from the father, half from the mother, and no matter which side is belittled, it is degrading the child, making the child feel that half of it is very bad.
And if parents encourage their children to hate the other party, it is even more wrong.
Because the party who does this, he hopes that the child will not be close to the other party and only belong to himself, so as to achieve the purpose of isolating the other party and retaliating against the other party.
I don't know what kind of torture the child endures in the hatred between the parents, he will be overwhelmed, and on the surface he will be close to the party who raised him, but in fact, in his heart, he has long since lost how to distinguish these views.
Therefore, Lemon hopes that parents can be more mature when educating their children, and try to avoid such meaningless questions to their children and provoke the relationship between them and adults. Do not involve the contradictions of parents to the child, so that the child can grow up easily and happily.