"I know I'm actually a happy and lucky person, but the early family wars have caused me so much that if any of these remnants reappear, it will plunge me into the doom of the past." My own mother threw me into hell, which exhausted and hurt me so much that I was dying or never being born into such a family when I was about to go to bed. ”
This is Lin Huiyin's description of his childhood life, summed up in one sentence: sadness.
Compared with Lin Huiyin's talent in architecture and literary achievements, what is more interesting is her emotional experience, and several of her emotional experiences are well known to the world. The world knows that she is rational and decisive in her emotional choices, that she is wise and transparent, kind and forbearing. Her choice of feelings has a lot to do with her childhood experiences and her mother's personality.
First, the mother was snubbed, and the forest huiyin was angry
Lin Huiyin's mother was the father's second wife, the first wife was married by her parents, and she had no feelings for Lin Huiyin's father, and died prematurely due to illness, leaving no son and half daughter.
Lin Huiyin's mother was born in a small workshop family, and her family was well-off. In the old family, it is inevitable that there will be some willfulness, the personality is still a little impatient, not good at running the family, do not like female red, do not love to read, do not fine calligraphy and painting.
In the Lin family of Shuxiang Mendi, Lin Huiyin's grandmother is everyone's bridesmaid, female red, calligraphy and painting are proficient, and Lin Huiyin's aunt is also a progressive woman who is full of poetry and insights, which just reflects Lin Huiyin's mother's clumsiness and oldness.
Lin Huiyin's mother married into the Lin family, and the Lin family's main hope is that she can start a business for the Lin family. Lin Huiyin's mother was also angry, giving birth to a man and two girls, but the fate was not good, only Lin Huiyin survived. The only boy was because Lin Hui was tripped by the threshold of his mother's foot, and after he threw him out of the way, the child was gone.
Perhaps because Lin Huiyin's mother fell to her own son, Lin Huiyin, who pays attention to heirs, was angry with her father because of her father, and Lin Huiyin's mother, who was not good at liking, was even more unpopular in this family. Some people say that Lin Huiyin's novel "Embroidery" describes her childhood life state.
Lin Huiyin wrote in the short story "Embroidery": There is a girl named Embroidery 11 years old, Embroidery's father is very rich, he has another female dependent, living elsewhere. Embroidery's mother gave birth to 6 children, and only Embroidery survived. The mother and daughter were placed by their fathers in two huts of relatives, as if forgotten. This is quite similar to Lin Huiyin's family situation.
The book describes such a detail, embroidery was sent to the father by the mother to ask for some money, embroidery is leaving, the father opened the drawer and asked the aunt, what fun to play for embroidery? The aunt did not talk, and the embroidery was afraid that the aunt would not be happy, so she quickly said that she did not want anything. Xiuxiu's father was very angry when he heard this, and his father handed the money to Xiuxiu and asked Xiuxiu to tell his mother that if he was sick, he would go to the doctor, take medicine himself, and eat himself tomorrow.
In just a few short sentences, the helplessness and sadness of embroidery are vividly described, embroidery wants to hate his father's ruthlessness but can't hate it, wants to hate his mother's uselessness, and can't hate it. This is very similar to the childhood of Lin Huiyin, Lin Huiyin's saddest childhood is not sandwiched between the parents of the embarrassment, but in the face of the mother who is full of grievances and has nowhere to talk, always vents her resentment on her. Later, Lin Huiyin said:
"I'd rather my mother never gave birth to me!"
Second, abandon Xu Zhimo
Lin Huiyin's mother was ignorant and conservative, while Lin Huiyin's father, Lin Juemin, was recognized as a "capable minister of ruling the world" and had great achievements in his career. Lin Juemin discovered Lin Huiyin's talent, and in order to enrich her knowledge and broaden her horizons, he took Lin Huiyin with him when he went to Europe to carry out foreign affairs.
It was at this time that Lin Huiyin met Xu Zhimo in England. Lin Hui is desperate for love, and Xu Zhimo insists on divorcing the original partner Zhang Youyi. When Lin Huiyin saw Zhang Youyi, who was helpless with a second child, she seemed to see herself and her mother in childhood, saw that her father who was occupied by her aunt would no longer look at her mother squarely, and also saw that because of her own appearance, Zhang Youyi would become the second woman like her mother, and Zhang Youyi's child was her childhood self.
The bitterness of childhood made Lin Huiyin feel pain, and it also awakened her conscience. She left Xu Zhimo and returned home from England. Later, Xu Zhimo was divorced, which also made Lin Huiyin feel guilty for Zhang Youyi for life, on the one hand, Lin Huiyin's kindness, on the other hand, Lin Huiyin's lifelong failure to come out of the gloom of childhood.
Third, until death, worry about the mother
After the death of his father, Lin Huiyin's mother has been living with Lin Huiyin. Lin Huiyin entrusted his mother to Liang Sicheng before his death, and also worried about Liang Sicheng, afraid that his mother's personality would cause him trouble.
Lin Huiyin's mother was snubbed by her husband in the family, her mentality was distorted, and she was incompetent in performing her mother's duties, which also created Lin Huiyin's precocious puberty, resulting in psychological dislocation, and Lin Huiyin took on the responsibility of taking care of her mother because she bore the negative energy of her mother.
Psychologist Baylor says:
"A person develops negative emotions, and if they are not released outwards, then the negative energy will turn around and attack themselves."
Lin Huiyin's wounds in the family will never be healed, the existence of her mother is equivalent to constantly reminding her of the unpleasantness of childhood, and the struggle of childhood family has become a nightmare for Lin Huiyin's life. Between love and hate, the most painful is.