It is the nature of every mother to love her children. The sincerity and persistence of that love are incomparable to any emotion. But controlling love is unacceptable to children.
In the movie "囧Mom", the mother played by Huang Meiying has endless excessive love and broken thoughts about Xu Zheng's son Xu Yiwan. On their journey to Moscow, their tortured son asked his mother, "Why are you so determined to reform me?" Haven't you noticed? I'm not the son you imagined! ”
My mother responded, "I know you're annoying me, but my mother is just for your own good." ”
I don't know how many parents often impose their own ideas on their children out of the good of their children, but they do not understand the real needs and preferences of their children. We believe that this mother's original intention is good, but she does not know: the premise of love is respect.
Mr. Shen Shixi's "Dream of the Wolf King" portrays the image of a loving and arrogant she-wolf, and through the disillusionment of the "Wolf King Dream" of the she-wolf again and again, tells parents: Love children begins with respect. "Love" without respect is a kind of harm.
01 Fairness is a prerequisite for respect
Every child is born with the same innocence, the same kindness. And the words and deeds and education of parents are like a seed planted in the hearts of children. Maybe when the child is very young, we can't see it, but this seed will gradually take root and sprout deep in the child's heart.
The she-wolf In the book, Zi Lan, is extremely partial to him because the black boy looks too much like the dead male wolf, Black Mulberry. Every time she nursed, Zi Lan first gave all three full breasts to the black boy and let him enjoy it alone, while leaving the remaining three breasts that were not full for the remaining three wolf cubs- Lan Mei'er, Double Hair, and Charming.
In the face of this extreme unfairness, Lan Mei'er showed strong resistance. Whenever she saw the black boy alone, she acted extremely unconvinced, and her angry eyes were full of jealousy. And the seeds of this jealousy were also quietly planted in her heart.
And double hair and flattery, gradually accustomed to this unfairness. Every time he was breastfeeding, he always squatted obediently to the side, waiting for the black boy to eat enough before going under the womb of the she-wolf to suck the milk. And this kind of inferiority seed that tacitly believes that they are "second-class wolves" has also quietly sprouted in their hearts.
As for the extremely eccentric black boy of the she-wolf Zilan, because of the sense of superiority given by "privilege", it makes it feel that it is excellent in everything, and it becomes more and more arrogant.
The arrogant Zi Lan will never know that it is precisely because of her unfair treatment that these problems have occurred in her children's hearts.
In the "Strange Story" program, Cai Kangyong asked a female guest: "What was your biggest wish when you were a child?" ”
The female guest said: "I am the youngest child in the family, and my biggest wish when I was a child was that my mother could buy clothes for me once, instead of picking up what my brother and sister wore. ”
Therefore, when a child is very young, the psychological health needs to be cared for by parents. Fairness is the premise of respect, and only when parents treat each child fairly will children feel respected by their parents.
02 Only by respecting him can we understand him
Everyone wants to be respected by others. A man who does not respect us, we must not be willing to open up to him, and he cannot really understand us.
Many parents cannot understand many things that their children do, and think that their children are unreasonable and rebellious. Ask parents, if we don't even respect our children, how can we understand them?
Just like the she-wolf Zilan, she didn't understand why the black boy would walk out of the cave without fear when she was not at home, and eventually became the bag of the golden eagle.
That's because of excessive favoritism, so that the arrogant black boy forgets the danger.
She also didn't understand why many adult wolves didn't dare to do things, but Lan Mei'er was not afraid at all, and finally died tragically under the hunter's trap because of a small mistake.
That's because, on the surface, she is rebellious, too eager to be praised by her mother, and her inner desire makes her lack the accuracy of judgment.
She would never understand that the strong double hair was about to win the old wolf king and become the new wolf king, but at the last moment, because of a furious scolding, the courage was all gone, and the wolf was killed.
That's because a strong body can never overcome the inferiority of the heart.
And the reason for all this is because Zi Lan did not respect them, and their mother would never know what she had done wrong.
Song Qian in the TV series "Little Joy" said to her daughter Yingzi, who complained that she was too tired of studying: "You eat well, drink well, dress well every day, and shout tired every day as soon as you study. Can you please understand the hardships of others? ”
A parent who does not know how to respect his child will certainly not understand his child's distress and will not get his child's understanding.
Therefore, only when a parent respects his child will he open the door of his heart in front of us. Only in this way can parents truly understand their children.
03 Without respect, there is no love
Parents love their children again, and if they don't know how to respect him, then they can't get his love.
When the black boy died prematurely, Lan Mei'er died tragically, and the double hair died in the wolf's mouth, leaving only the weak and charming, the arrogant Zi Lan actually bit the male wolf that the charming liked to hang in order to let the charming breed "high-quality" offspring.
All this in exchange for a charming and unforgettable hatred. She not only refused her mother's approach, but even bit the homeless Zi Lan. She looked at her mother, but there was only hatred in her eyes.
Although Zi Lan used her life to end up with the golden eagle in order to protect the charming child, the voice of "child, mother loves you" will never be heard by the charming.
If Zi Lan had been willing to accept the hanging, maybe they could become a happy family. This mother loves her children, and sadly, she does not respect the wishes of her children, so that she never gets the love of her children.
Weibo video broadcast a "super mom" who prepared ten sets of rolls for her children as homework during the eleventh holiday. In the face of the crying and helpless child, she said: "My mother is all for your own good, and she will be admitted to a good university in the future to have a good job." ”
We will not question the mother's original intention is for the good of the child, but her love for the child is not based on respect for the child. If she could first ask the child's opinion and choose some homework with the child that he can accept, it may be better.
Therefore, this kind of "love" that parents do not base on respecting their children may be a kind of harm to their children. We love our children, and we start with respect. Respect is the magic weapon for us to close the distance with the child, and it is a key for us to open the child's heart.
Write at the end
At the end of the movie "囧Mom", Xu Yiwan realized: everyone is an independent individual, every individual should be complete, love is not control and take, love is acceptance and respect.
Children are the best gift God has ever given to their parents. Then, parents, love their children but do not control them, and respect their children's ideas, needs and choices. Give your children trust, support, and praise, and they will surely become our pride.
Parents are the most faithful guardians of their children. Then, please ask the children to return to their parents with respect, and give their parents love, understanding and warmth, they will surely be your eternal harbor.
May all parents be able to fulfill their "wolf king dream", and may all children become the "wolf king" in their dreams. #育儿 #
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The author | Maoyuan, the mother of a thirteen-year-old boy, who usually likes poetry and prose and hopes to grow up with his children.
Image | Originating from the Internet, if there is infringement, please inform and delete it.
This article is original by @ Big Fish With Baby, welcome to pay attention, take you along with long knowledge!