I fell in love with my wife at first sight, I will always remember the first time I met, she stood on the side of the road with long hair fluttering, especially beautiful, I think she is full of gentle and intellectual light, she is my ideal wife's appearance, so I violently pursued her, fortunately she felt good about me, we were in love for more than three months.
But after getting married, I found that she was particularly fond of complaining, the whole person was particularly sad, no matter what I told her, no matter what she encountered, in short, it was not good for her.
She is a primary school Chinese teacher, so what I listen to her most every day is disobedient children and unreasonable parents, as well as the unreasonable system of the school and the scheming colleagues, as if there is no good person around her.
That's it, sometimes when I take her out to play, she finds a lot of unhappiness.
When she went out and stuck in traffic, she said, "These people don't know how to do the subway", but we ourselves are driving and not taking the subway;
She said that "these parks know to make black money", but she has a teacher's license to enter that park for free;
Eat a meal she has to complain that a certain dish is not delicious, in fact, ordered four or five dishes are the same to her taste, then she does not eat it on the line, has been saying how difficult to eat, said that this restaurant is rubbish, so that I myself am not in the mood to eat.
When I came home one night before, I saw her lying on the couch in a very sad state, so I asked her what was wrong, she said that the children in her class were too stupid, the midterm exams were the worst in their class, and even if the grades were poor, she didn't know how to get these little devils.
I helped her analyze and give her advice, but I found that she didn't listen to it at all, and kept nagging at that person, and it felt as if she just wanted someone to complain about.
In the past, I could resist my impatience to listen to her, she usually talked about emotions for an hour or two, but now I can't stand it more and more, especially many of her thoughts are very dark, and I myself am a contented person, every time I hear her say that this society is not saved, everyone is a bad person, I want to refute her and correct her, but she will quarrel with me.
Recently I became afraid to go home, because as soon as I came home, I had to listen to her negative energy bursting complaints, which affected my mood too much, but it was definitely not right to avoid it, she was my wife, I should make her happy, but I didn't know how to make her happy, and I didn't know how to change her mind, I wanted to ask the teacher if there was a way.
Xiao Xiang believes that the perspective of people with more negative energy to see the world may be more negative, one of a hundred things is not good, she will not pay attention to the 99 good things, she will only stare at the bad thing, and will infinitely enlarge the bad thing, and finally crush her emotions, because she is powerless to change the status quo.
To our onlookers, you have a problem and solve it directly, but for them, any one thing can make them feel frustrated and deeply powerless, and complaining is just a way for her to shift her responsibility to the outside world.
She subjectively believes that she can't do anything, or that what she does is useless, then naturally she can't listen to your advice.
There's another big reason: she wants to be recognized by others.
If you can, you can usually praise her more in small things, so that she can slowly enhance her self-confidence. She feels that she is accepted and tolerated, and her emotions will slowly tend to calm down.
Of course, the process of change is very long, because she will become what she is now, and it certainly did not happen overnight, we need more patience, give her time, let her become full of positive under your influence.