Whether it is studying, or work or other reasons, most of the wanderers who are wandering outside from all directions return to their hometowns, return to their homes, and return to the arms of their relatives.
However, for some unsatisfactory, undesirable, frustrated wanderers, some of them "dare not go home"
I received a case like this —
On December 24, 2019, two days after the graduate exam (December 22), a mother walked into the clinic. She said that on the morning of the first day of the exam, she received a message from her child
"Mom, I'm sorry, I have to go to graduate school for 2 battles."
At that time, as a mother, I could only give encouragement to my children
Worried that she would abandon the exam, he encouraged her to finish the subject first, continue the afternoon exam, and do not give up lightly until the end. Fortunately, I successfully completed the exam. ”
But on December 23, the child left a message to his mother saying—
Mom, I don't want to go home during the winter vacation...
This mother's heart suddenly panicked.
Through further conversations with this mother, I learned that this child is currently enrolled in the top 10 domestic first-class universities in the country, and the target school for graduate school is also a step forward, hoping that he can go to a higher level.
The pressure that today's college students need to face is indeed great, especially in famous schools, and children feel that they have not done well in the exam, which is supposed to be the most common feeling after the exam.
At first, I suggested that she visit her children, but because the winter vacation was coming, the unit was busy at the end of the year, and the colleges and universities were far away from home, so she couldn't go to school to visit her children at the first time.
Therefore, I suggest that this mother get in touch with the child's class counselor, you can contact the child at the first time, but also understand the child's current situation, you can have a good communication with the child, and let the child learn to ask for help when encountering problems, trust classmates, friends, teachers, etc.
Again, after letting the child be quiet, communicate with the child again, so that the child can feel the understanding, tolerance and love of the parents. If necessary, then ask the school's psychological counseling station for help.
Through the above cases, in fact, parents and children must make efforts, and finally make the children come out of the depression caused by the failure of the examination as soon as possible, so that they can set sail again.
As a parent
First of all, let the child know and understand, no matter the success or failure, whether it is homecoming, academic success, or depressed, no name on the list, home is the warmest embrace, the warmest harbor, father, mother will be your strongest backing, will be the safest fortress, home is not only to share the joy and happiness of children, but also to share the child's sorrow and pain, is the best choice for healing.
Secondly, let the child feel that no matter what choice the child makes, the parents will give everything they have, full support and help.
As a child
First of all, we must analyze the reasons for not doing well in the examination, there are subjective and artificial factors, the ways and methods of revision, the arrangement of time, etc., the grasp of the review rhythm, etc., find the crux of the problem, actively find ways to solve it, and then fight for examination and research to be meaningful;
For objective irresistible factors, there is only face and acceptance. It is said that in 2020, the number of postgraduate students in the country reached a new high, the number of national postgraduate students reached 3.4 million, an increase of 500,000 over 2019, nearly 1 times more than in 2016, and the number of students accepted by famous universities has increased year by year, and the proportion of "double first-class" colleges and universities that have been exempted from students is much higher than that of "non-double first-class", which increases the difficulty of examination and research, so to accept the fact that it is difficult to take the examination, then go all out to fight, even if the examination is not another sense of the harvest.
Feel that the exam is not good, in addition to considering whether it is "World War II", you can re-examine your interests, hobbies, abilities, set a future plan, do some things that you want to do before you have no time and energy, such as finding a job first, graduation thesis second, etc.; feel that the test is not ideal, do not want to take the exam again, and do not want to be employed, there is a way to study abroad, what you need to prepare next, actively pay attention to and prepare, and so on.
In fact, the characteristics of the autumn and winter seasons themselves are easy to make people depressed, and then encounter some difficulties or setbacks, it is easier to produce depression, which is also a normal emotional response, and it is not normal to have it.
The key point of the problem is how to adjust to this emotion, how to think about the problem, how to solve the problem.
With the popularization of mental health knowledge, people are not unfamiliar with the term "depression" for mental illness, when the small partners around them are in a bad mood, the first reaction is "are you depressed, get depression."
Simply put, the degree and duration of depression are indispensable for diagnosing depression. In fact, it is indeed good to have the above awareness, whether it is or not, it is recommended that he go to a professional mental health institution.
Obviously, the above college students are bad emotions caused by the stress factor of poor examination and research, or a manifestation of negative emotions. The child feels that the examination is not good, feel sorry for the parents, this sense of guilt makes him dare not go home, dare not face the parents who are full of expectations and expectations, accept the child's emotional expression at the same time, parents and children must make positive efforts to alleviate and adjust this negative emotion.
In the above case, the child's mother later called me and happily told me that "the child has arrived home smoothly and is working hard for the 2nd Battle Examination", and the excitement and joy are overflowing. And said that after communicating with the counselor teacher, the teacher talked to the child, helped him analyze the current form and difficulty of the examination, coupled with the difficulty of each subject, etc., and exchanged with good friends to share the process of the examination and research, and scattered together, etc., the child came out of guilt, sorry for the depression of the parents.
In fact, depressed mood is a manifestation of negative emotion enhancement, and by actively managing depressed emotions, the occurrence of depression can be reduced, as in the above case.
Even if you suffer from depression, early detection, early treatment, and standardized treatment of the whole course of the disease to improve prognosis and prevent recurrence are of great significance.
He graduated from Shenyang Medical College in 1995 majoring in mental health and in 2005 graduated from Liaoning College of Traditional Chinese Medicine with a major in traditional Chinese medicine. He has been engaged in the frontline work of psychiatry and psychology for more than 20 years, and has unique insights and rich clinical experience in the diagnosis and treatment of psychiatric and psychological diseases.
Main direction of attack: the combination of traditional Chinese medicine and western medicine to treat various mental and psychological disorders. He is good at the diagnosis and treatment of various complex and difficult mental and psychological disorders, especially the comprehensive treatment of drugs, psychology, behavior, and integrated traditional Chinese and Western medicine, and has achieved good results.