According to data from the National Bureau of Statistics, in April this year, the urban unemployment rate of the 16-24 year old labor force was 20.4%!
Have you heard of "full-time sons and daughters"?
The first time Chang Dad heard this statement, he saw a picture when he was on the Internet——
Let's draw a few keywords together: living with a living in a sojourn parent, paying a certain amount of labor in exchange for financial support, gnawing the old, but not completely gnawing.
It probably means that because they can't find a job temporarily, or can't accept the social competition of involution, there is a group of young people at home who are not "eating and drinking at home, doing nothing" gnawing old people, but by providing services for parents (picking up mothers to dance square dances, running errands to buy vegetables and doing housework) or providing added value (such as teaching parents to play mobile phones, daily accompanying travel), improving the happiness of parents' lives, while changing their own stable life and income, and then waiting for the end of the involution or the opportunity to come, and then find a class.
The experience of full-time children can also be understood as working for their parents in exchange for living expenses.
The concept of "full-time children" originally originated from the discussion group of Douban's "full-time children's work exchange center" founded in 2022, where many people shared their experiences of being parents and children at home full-time. Some of these people are recent college graduates, have not yet found their ideal job, or want to continue to improve themselves, graduate / public examination, and choose to continue to rely on their parents; Some are for parents to voluntarily give up their work, choose to take care of their parents at home, and without economic income, they have to eat and drink and rely on their parents.
The concept of "full-time children" has been around for less than half a year. But in the context of low employment rates, waves of discussion and controversy have been set off on the Internet:
Full-time children, is it a new type of occupation, or is it a disguised gnawing at the old?
If you were a young person, would you choose to be a full-time son?
As a parent, can you accept your children as full-time children?
Almost every time at the topic selection meeting, as long as this topic is mentioned, everyone will say their own thing, and the discussion is extremely intense. Some think of the dilemma when they graduated and looked for a job, and some imagined the problems their children may face when they want to work in the future... So, Chang Dad simply solicited the views of fathers/mothers of different ages around him, and asked them to talk: Can you accept your children as full-time children? Let's hear what they have to say!
01
Full-time children? Don't even think about it
A cat named Wilde New Mom Creative Worker
The topic of "full-time children" has been popular for a while, as a netizen who pays special attention to contemporary college students/young people, every time I brush the post on this topic, I sympathize with the parties and feel that they are quite helpless.
When I was eating with my friends, they all talked about it, so I thought about it, what would my attitude be if my daughter told me when she became an adult that she would be a full-time child at home.
The answer is – don't even think about it.
Parents who are concerned about scientific parenting should agree with the statement that the growth of their children ultimately leads to separation from their parents. This independence begins around the age of two. The goal of each young individual is to grow into an independent, complete adult.
Today, we are facing a new social situation. After the child finishes school, he cannot find his ideal job and cannot support himself, so he has to retreat to the second place, return home to live with his parents, and at the same time provide some value to his parents, whether physical or emotional, so that his lying down can become more comfortable.
But this is not the life they want. Of course, as a parent, this is not the life I want to live. My daughter is now less than two years old and I can't wait to reclaim my personal time. The thought that I had to worry about her food, clothing, housing, food, drink, and schooling for more than ten years made me feel exhausted.
("In the Name of the Family" stills)
If she can't find a job after college and offers to move back in with me, I'm sure I'll be happy to accept it. However, I don't accept her giving up on the battle with this world, because this is not what a young person should be.
I am willing to provide her with free shelter and daily expenses, I am willing to share food with her, watch movies together, go shopping together... At the same time, I will encourage her to explore her strengths and use them to earn money to support herself.
For example, for the short videos that are very popular now, I will encourage her to learn video editing, and then take over the work herself (even if the money is not much, it is a positive attempt, she will have new experiences, new experiences, new accumulations). Or open a short video account herself, whether it's fitness, makeup, or any other area she is good at, even if it's just a record, it's a way for her to connect with the world.
Or try your hand at writing, visiting ten of your favorite authors; Participate in public welfare activities to help find children who have been trafficked or lost; Go to the course of psychological counseling, strengthen yourself first, and if possible, you can even try to provide free psychological guidance to injured young people and children... In short, I just feel that there are so many things worth doing in this world that full-time children are completely out of my mind.
Even if one day I do get to the stage where I need someone to take care of me full-time, I won't prioritize that possibility. Whether it's a caregiver or an aunt, I don't think of my daughter as the first choice.
I want her to use her limited life to try the possibilities of this world, and I am willing to use all my resources to pave her way.
My biggest fear is that she will treat her parents' home as her last retreat and will no longer dare to go out hunting alone.
Of course, if she only came back for a short time and wanted to recharge my batteries and rest for a while, I couldn't refuse.
But if you want to be a full-time child at home for a long time, you can't!
02
It is natural to give birth to him and raise him
The family should be watching over each other
Uncle Wang, 65 years old, entrepreneur
The stronger the parent, the easier it is for the child to be weak. Sometimes it's mean reversion, and sometimes it's nurture.
I was the first college student after the resumption of the college entrance examination, and later served as the leader of the project team in a construction company, with a strong personality and strong ability, plus having children late, catching up with family planning, just a son, so it should be more doting.
Later, after the reform and opening up, my lover and I went to the sea to do business, which belonged to the wave of getting rich first. The education of children is relatively advanced, and they are sent abroad to study very early. However, there is no consideration of whether the child can adapt to a foreign environment. When the child returns to China after five years, on the one hand, he has little to gain in terms of education, and on the other hand, he is a little out of place with the domestic environment.
Therefore, my lover and I did not force our children to go out to work, so we hung up a position in a relative's company and did business when we were in good condition.
Because I have a bit of a family background, there is no pressure in life, so every year, from Ben San to Ben 4. Later, he got married and had children. Now the general environment is not very good, raising children is more particular and meticulous than we were at that time, he is also good at home to take care of children, take care of us on holidays, but also count as a contribution to the family.
("In the Name of the Family" stills)
The family has a different division of labor, and it is good to have a good time if you have money to contribute, and if you have a strong contribution. The son cannot become a vessel in his career, and raising a grandson who has become a tool is also an achievement.
As parents, they must hope that their children will become dragons and daughters will become phoenixes, but this is just a good wish, and the chances of achieving it are, but they are very small. Therefore, before giving birth, you should put your mind right, whether the child is a dragon or a worm, you must accept it without complaint. Otherwise, it is better not to give birth.
03
Times are different
I want to be a safe haven for my children
Lantern Festival, 3-year-old male baby, mother, freelancer
If I had been asked ten years ago about "full-time children", I would have held high the banner of opposition. At that time, I particularly believed that "people will win the sky", and I felt that as long as I worked hard, I could achieve any goal, and if I couldn't achieve it, I didn't work hard enough. But it turns out that this is a completely idealistic slogan.
Working hard in society is not the same as studying on campus, hard work is only one of the small factors, and success and success often require luck, family, resources, connections and other factors. Especially in the three years of the epidemic, I deeply feel that in the face of the drastic changes of the times and nature, the power of individuals is small, and the trend of personal life is accidental and changeable.
If we do, so will the children. I can't ask my children to be financially independent as soon as they graduate, and earn 20,000 a month as soon as they work. I don't know what changes he will encounter in the future, where he will be in the torrent of the times, and what difficulties he will experience when he is not deeply involved in the world. Therefore, I can't say categorically, "You are just lazy to fail so much, you can do whatever you just need to go out."
I believe that a good state of life should be open and outward. In the process of children's growth, I am willing to do my best to inject energy into children's lives, provide them with a good environment, a good atmosphere, and do my best to understand and empathize, I hope to give him the strength and courage to fly.
("My Business Tells a Long Story" stills)
But if the child offers to return, it is most likely because he has suffered a huge setback outside, and he wants a warm, reassuring, and reliable place to heal himself. At this time, there is probably no better choice than home and parents - shouldn't home be such a safe haven.
Do not be a horse and cow with your children and grandchildren, and do not pour cold water on your children and grandchildren. If parents can take the initiative to give their children warmth and hugs at this time, and can look at their children's frustrations and withdrawals with a more peaceful mind, it may be another way to give children courage.
Life is not always a straight line, bending is the norm. It is precisely because of these bends that we can see more scenery and have the opportunity to increase the thickness of life.
I have accepted the impermanence of my own life, and I am willing to accept the impermanence of my child's life, to be a safe haven when he is frustrated, and a base camp when he is successful.
04
After a serious illness
I accepted my son as a "full-time son."
Lao Liu, 66 years old, retired worker of a state-owned enterprise
The name "full-time sons and daughters" came up well, and after all these years, I finally found a suitable word to describe my son.
My son is almost 40 this year, and he has been working seriously for no more than three years after graduating from college, and the rest of the time is at home. He studied computers, and as soon as he graduated from college, he said that he would build his own website and tinker with computers at home every day. At first, I was not happy, there was no mine at home, and a big guy stayed at home, not like words. For this reason, our grandfather often quarreled, and when he quarreled, he said that he was afraid of society and did not want to enter society. My personality is actually not strong, noisy, and a few years have passed.
My opinion changed in 2013, when my wife was diagnosed with cancer, and I panicked. Because I was not well, I had colon cancer before, so I accompanied my wife to check and chemotherapy, and these things fell on my son. He took his mother everywhere to seek medical treatment, made a shop in the hospital, and did everything himself, and everyone praised this son for his filial piety and caring.
("The World" stills)
Three years later, my wife is still dead, and my son and I are devastated, but we are also a little relieved that we have taken good care of my wife in the final stage. My mother is gone, my son's life has returned to normal, cooking at home, tinkering with the computer, playing chess with me every day, and walking with me after eating. Occasionally he sells things online, makes little money, and relies mainly on my and my mother's savings and my pension.
Sometimes I am quite helpless, but if you think about it, he does not want to get married, does not want to enter society, in fact, this is his freedom. He took care of everything when his mother was seriously ill, and he was qualified as a son. Now that the parents are not forced to marry, I can't force him to face the world. But if he can continue to work as a full-time son, I think it's good.
The only thing I worry about is that my family conditions are not good, and when I am gone, what will my son live on?
Chang Dad was very touched by the thoughts of the parents of different ages above, although each of them had different situations and ideas, but they were all full of love for their children. Whether or not they accept their children as full-time children, their starting point is the same—to make their children's lives better.
For most people, "full-time children" is a short-term choice, more like a transition zone between education and employment; Of course, it is not ruled out that more and more people will work as "full-time children" to the end. The times are progressing, society is changing, and the only thing that remains unchanged is this heavy heart of the beloved son.
What do you think about "full-time children"? Would you agree that your children will be "full-time children" in the future?