He Suohuan, a writer of sexual affective psychology, writes love stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
There was a message from a boy.
He mentioned that he was in love with his girlfriend, which made him miserable.
His girlfriend's attitude towards him is: suppression, ridicule, belittlement, and often loses his temper because of a little thing.
Not only that, when he reasoned with his girlfriend and tried to communicate, his girlfriend had to delete his WeChat every time.
Don't answer the phone, don't return messages, or even stay up all night.
Every time there is a contradiction, he has to humbly curry favor for a long time to obtain forgiveness.
This kind of relationship has been less than 1 year, and he is particularly tired emotionally and mentally.
want to give up, but can't;
If he doesn't give up, this kind of love makes him not know how to manage.
Have you ever encountered this "accusatory partner"?
Living with such a person is simply a disaster.
-01
What are the characteristics of an "accusatory partner"?
1. It's like "offering an ancestor"
Everyone is an adult, what is the purpose of falling in love and getting married?
For happiness, for peace of mind, for stability, but also to be able to provide each other with some value and meet each other's needs.
But with an accusatory partner, you only have one feeling:
It's like offering an ancestor.
He doesn't work well and wants to take you out of anger;
He doesn't socialize well, and he wants to make you angry;
No matter what problems he encounters, he is used to blaming you for his mistakes.
With them, you are careful, the atmosphere does not dare to come out.
Just like that, they are still dissatisfied with you.
2. Be good at hitting you and belittling you
The accusatory partner is essentially exercising "mental control, emotional PUA" on you.
Their usual means are:
Hit your self-confidence, deny your worth, mock your achievements, and never recognize your efforts for your feelings and family.
After spending time with them, you begin to doubt yourself.
Deny your own merits, doubt your worth, and even shake what you have been holding on to in your heart for a long time.
In the end, you lose your assertiveness and humble yourself to dust in front of the other person.
Your self-confidence, your optimism, your positive emotions, all disappear.
-02
Accusatory partners, who are "selfish" in nature
In feelings, there is a concept called the "white elephant effect".
There's a little story behind it.
A certain king thought that the white elephant was a mascot, so every time he encountered a white elephant, he would order the people below to bring them back to the palace so that they could live and provide for them.
When the ministers had done enough, the king would reward them with a white elephant.
But for ministers, raising a "pampered" white elephant must eat good and use good every day, which makes ministers quickly overwhelmed.
Not only that, but the temper of the white elephant is easily irritable.
Eating repeated foods in a row, you will get angry; The water for playing and frolicking is not clean and can also be irritable.
These ministers were finally disturbed at home.
Finally, the white elephant was taken back by the king.
The accusatory partner is like a "white elephant".
No matter how much you put into them, they always don't know how to cherish and don't know how to be grateful.
Their attitude and affection towards you depends on what you have given to him.
When you have many values, you can provide him with a steady stream of material things to meet his needs; At this time, he is very docile with you.
As soon as you give less to him, or you can't meet his worth, then he immediately becomes hysterical.
Irritability, anger, denying all your love for Him.
They start accusing you, insulting you, and even hitting you in various ways.
A selfish, self-interested, ungrateful partner will only bring you down.
-03
When encountering an "accusatory partner", be sure to stay away
There is a concept in economics called the "crocodile rule".
When a person is bitten by a crocodile, he often subconsciously thinks of breaking the crocodile's mouth with his hand; But what awaits them is that this hand is bitten by a crocodile.
In economics, it is used to describe those:
The more input costs, the more reluctant to give up, and finally lead to the loss of more and more people.
And in the relationship, it is often described as those:
Obsessed, deeper and deeper, obsessed with lovers who are too heavy.
For example: "lick the dog".
Licking the dog in the relationship, always the hurt party.
They gave too much to each other, causing him to be deeply obsessed with it and unwilling to give up the relationship easily.
But what are the consequences?
The more he didn't want to let go, the more he would end up hurting.
You have to understand:
Some people, in their bones, are selfish and do not know how to be grateful.
The better you treat him, the more he fails you; And you behave coldly, strongly, and have your own principles, but they are closer to you.
Whether in love or marriage, even if you love each other again, don't lose your dignity.
He has trampled on your dignity, why are you still unwilling to leave?
Love is about having fun, and marriage should be the same.
Feelings that make you feel depressed, inferior, timid, just way.
Today's Topic:
Have you ever encountered an "accusatory partner"?
What would you do?