After my wife cheated on me, I pretended not to see, and the man's psychological struggle was too hard

Original illustration: Meow Meow Xia, narration: Meow Meow Xia

I, 32 years old, male sex.

In October 2021, I lost my job, got divorced, and lived alone with my youngest daughter.

My life seems to have sunk to the bottom.

When I left my former home with my little daughter in my arms, the tearing tears of the two children made me feel pain.

However, I have already made up my mind.

Because I know very well that if the days go on, everyone will become a victim.

My ex-wife Wang Fang and I were college classmates, and two years after graduation, we got married because of love.

At that time, my parents had just mortgaged a house in their hometown, so they only symbolically gave fifty thousand yuan.

After that, I borrowed 80,000 yuan from my second aunt and finally bought a house in Chengdu, and the debt was borne by ourselves.

When love is implemented in marriage, the original chai rice oil and salt are still sweet.

Every day when I came home from work, Wang Fang was responsible for Ge You's slump on the sofa playing with her mobile phone, and I cooked her favorite meals.

My wish is simple and simple: although there is no castle, I still love the woman I love as a princess.

At that time, because the economy was not rich, I was extremely frugal with myself, but I was not stingy with Wang Fang.

Even because of a coat that she has looked up to for a long time, we have to spend more than half a month of hard days, and I will not hesitate to pay for it.

Because no one knows better than I do when she was a child and adolescence, in her original family, emotional and material, she was harsh on both emotion and material.

Wang Fang has a younger brother, ten years younger than her.

Her parents-in-law told her every three to five minutes: "My brother is so much younger than you, you have to take care of him." ”

Because of this, I feel more and more sorry for Wang Fangqian and want to be the terminator of the unfair original family with her.

Of course, I have a younger brother myself, who is two years younger than me.

My younger brother is more educated than me and is a software engineer, and my sister-in-law is an only child who works as a teacher in a primary school.

Their lives were better than ours — and because of that, mom and dad helped us more financially.

My brother-in-law and daughter-in-law have never said anything about this.

Even so, our lives are still quietly brewing a change after Wang Fang changed jobs.

After graduating from university, Wang Fang first worked as a clerk in a company, and her income was not high, but she was idle and comfortable.

Later, she felt that the salary was too low, so she applied to the bank as a customer service.

Most of the external employees of banks are well-off, in their words, to work to mix social security and pass the time.

Not long after changing jobs, Wang Fang came back every day to learn from me, who lives in a villa, who is full of luxury goods.

My mentality is very flat: "Wife, rest assured, we are temporarily more difficult, but in the future, I will try to slowly match you." ”

At first, she was satisfied with this sentence.

However, as the frivolity grew, the expression on her face became more and more dismissive when I said this again.

After a year of marriage, we had our eldest daughter.

At that time, the mother-in-law needed to take care of her brother-in-law who was still in junior high school.

And my mother has retired, so it is natural to help with the baby.

My mom has always loved cleanliness and keeps her home spotless every day in addition to taking the kids.

Moreover, she was a very observant person, and knowing that I was usually particularly fond of my daughter-in-law, she followed my style.

Buy vegetables and cook, completely according to Wang Fang's preferences.

We give her 2,000 yuan a month for living expenses, and chai rice oil and salt, water and electricity, and children's supplies are all out of it.

This little money is far from enough to cover the expenses of four people, but every time I overdraft, my mother does not say anything, but silently takes out her retirement salary to subsidize.

At that time, we had to pay off the mortgage and the renovation loan, and the pressure was too great, and I could only acquiesce to the fact that I was nibbling on the old.

Wang Fang knew all this, but she still held the salary card tightly and only used it for her own eating and wearing.

I remember once, the eldest daughter had pneumonia and urgently needed to pay a hospital deposit.

At that time, because I was in a hurry, I forgot to bring a credit card, the WeChat balance was not enough, and my mother did not have so much money.

As for Wang Fang, she had just finished paying her salary, but she also said that she had no money.

Eventually, my mother was so anxious that she asked my father for help, and my daughter was admitted to the hospital.

In this matter, my mother was tight-lipped, and even to my father, she only said that she wanted to buy some health care products.

She was afraid that because of her own existence, there would be any contradictions between our husband and wife.

Another important point is that income determines status, and her son's salary is not high, so she always feels that she owes in front of her daughter-in-law.

At that time, my mother had to buy two kinds of eggs.

One is the expensive local eggs, which are special offers for Wang Fang and her children.

The other was a regular egg, which I ate with her.

Because Wang Fang loves to eat spicy, she deliberately learned art from the aunt in the community and unlocked various Sichuan cuisine methods.

Often the same dish has to be done twice, one spicy and one not spicy.

However, her caution did not exchange for any gratitude.

Sometimes the mood after work is not good, Wang Fang will go home and look at all kinds of unaccustomed, suspect that her daughter is noisy, think that the house at home is small, think that I work more overtime, and have less salary.

Every time she lost her temper, she would not talk to my mother for several days and regarded my mother as air.

I tried to argue with her several times, but my mother stopped me to death.

She said: "Xiaofang was not smooth when she was in her mother's house, and now that she is married to you, she has not said much about the scenery." She is aggrieved in her heart, it is understandable, we do not care, silently touch her, people's hearts are long flesh. In this way, we can really live a long time and live well. Mom can't stay with you for a lifetime, but Xiaofang is the person you want to live for a lifetime. ”

My mother's good intentions, I can see everything.

The only thing you can do is to take over the task of taking the child every day as soon as you come home from work.

At the same time, in the unit, I was also the one who added the class when I saw it.

Without him, I want to make as much money as possible.

When the economy is more abundant, Wang Fang's mood will be better.

At that time, every time I came home from overtime, my mother and Wang Fang had not yet slept.

It's just that Wang Fang is playing with her mobile phone, and when I open the door, she doesn't even look up.

And my mom was waiting to give me a hot meal.

Sometimes, I really don't dare to look up at my mother's distressed eyes, for fear that the strength in my heart will be vented.

As a man, for this family, I am very hard, but as a son, I am ashamed of my old mother.

I just didn't expect my mom to fall ill.

I was at work that day when I got a call from my brother.

It turned out that my mother was uncomfortable, and she was worried that I was too busy to take leave, so she asked her brother to send her to the hospital, and the doctor said that it was caused by long-term anxiety and insomnia.

Looking at my mother, whose face was white on the hospital bed, my brother kept counting down that I had not taken good care of her, so that she would still be physically and mentally worried when she should have enjoyed her old age in peace.

I was ashamed and embarrassed, but silently held my mother's hand, afraid that I would spit out my mouth in front of people.

Her worries, which I know best, are also the least able to do.

My mother also held my hand tightly, and in turn comforted me: "Mom is all right, don't listen to your brother's fuss." ”

However, after my mother was discharged from the hospital, my brother resolutely took her away.

He said that his mother was also his mother, and he couldn't suffer with me for no reason.

In this way, my mother went to my brother's house with ten thousand uneasy feelings.

Wang Fang and I both had to go to work, and in desperation, we could only ask our mother-in-law to help take the child temporarily.

After the mother-in-law came, she only cared about cleaning herself up every day, and she would not make complementary food for the child alone, so that the child would eat the same food as her.

At the dinner table every day, she also bragged about how much money other people's sons-in-law earned, and expressed her distress at the marriage of her daughter.

At this point, I was silent the whole time.

But Wang Fang would turn her face to her mother-in-law and tearfully say the things that she had been treated differently from childhood to adulthood.

Then, mother and daughter tear each other apart.

I tried to persuade, but the mother and daughter quickly turned the spearhead and aimed at me in unison.

At that moment, I really felt what a peaceful day was.

Because my eldest daughter has followed my mother since she was born, she cries and looks for my grandmother every day.

The mother-in-law was particularly annoyed by this, and directly picked the child and returned home.

After my mother found out, despite my brother's strong opposition, she came back without hesitation to continue to help me with the child.

During this period, Wang Fang accidentally became pregnant.

She did not want the child, but the doctor informed after the examination that, given the condition of her uterus, if the fetus was miscarried, there was a high probability that she would not be able to have any more children in the future.

In the end, we decided to keep the child.

Ten months later, Wang Fang gave birth to her second daughter.

However, the roof leaked during the overnight rain.

In the third month of the birth of my second daughter, the company was greatly affected by the epidemic and laid off employees, and I lost my job.

To be honest, I really wanted to jump off the 19th floor when I left the company with my stuff.

But do I have the right to die?

No.

During that time, because the job search was not smooth, when I returned home, what awaited me was Wang Fang's cold head and cold face.

Even my mother was cursed.

She only talked to her daughter, regarded our mother and son as air, and she even refused to share a room with me and threw me into the living room.

My mom saw it in her eyes and hurt in her heart, and we all lived each day carefully.

At that time, I was even dreaming of looking for a job, hoping to give my wife and daughter a better life.

Eventually, at the recommendation of a friend, I followed a group of people to work at the construction site.

In order not to let my mother worry and not to let Wang Fang feel faceless, I lied to them, saying that they were going to a factory far from home to do machine tool operations, and the more overtime the higher the salary.

On the construction site, I had never done such a great labor intensity, and my whole body hurt at the end of the day.

Sitting in the shed with a group of uncles, drinking the old white dry they handed over to relieve their fatigue.

They all said that they admired young people like me and ate hard.

But who knows the bitterness in my heart?

For the sake of my mother's smile, for the sake of my daughter-in-law and daughter's quiet years, I am willing.

I am not afraid of suffering, I am most afraid that none of them will be happy.

There is only one proverb for adults: just do it.

Day after day, I was originally a white-faced student, black and thin, and my cheekbones protruded.

Walking among the workers, there is no trace of the office that used to sit.

Every time I contacted my family, I only used voice calls, never opened videos, and lied to them that the camera was broken and there was no time to fix it.

In fact, I didn't want them to see my haggard and shabby look.

In the first month, I took nearly 10,000 yuan in salary, and I was so excited that I almost jumped up in public.

I left myself a thousand spare pieces, and the rest all called Wang Fang.

She just coldly replied "received", I haven't been home for so long, she didn't have a word of concern.

Three months later, I worked at the construction site, and finally it was revealed.

Once, my brother came to run an errand near my job and had to ask me to come out and meet me.

Although I groomed and dressed up, I still didn't hide from him.

I begged my brother to keep it a secret, and his eyes instantly turned red.

Before leaving, he patted me the shoulder and choked up: Brother, you still have to take time to go home to see, mom especially misses you, she is not at ease, always love to think wildly. ”

Looking at my brother's distant back, my tears blurred my vision.

For some reason, when I live to an old age, I suddenly feel sorry for the whole world.

Later, the construction site was shut down for a week due to environmental issues.

I rode my motorcycle excitedly and bought Wang Fang's favorite rabbit head, ready to surprise them.

When I arrived at the entrance of the community, I just parked my motorcycle and turned around to see Wang Fang get out of a car.

Then, a man came down from the driver's seat and helped her carry her bag.

Seeing me, Wang Fang's face was panicked, that was the first time she showed timidity in front of me.

The man quickly handed her the bag, did not even say hello, and drove away.

My heart kept falling, but I didn't say anything.

I saw her panic as a kind of boundaries and awe.

I thought that the love between us from the school uniform to the wedding dress, the marriage of two daughters, even if she was occasionally dissatisfied with reality, was still limited to spiritual desertion.

Just like me, no matter how disappointed she is, I am still willing to humblely struggle and complete for a consummation.

Who made me a man?

Who made me promise her good days and not really deliver on them?

That day, I went home with Wang Fang, and the children were very happy.

It's just my mother, with a smile on her face, but the look in my eyes is really more uncomfortable than crying.

She kept picking up dishes for me, eager to make up all the dozen pounds of meat I had dropped in one meal.

After dinner, I washed the dishes for my mother.

There were only the two of us in the kitchen, and she grabbed my hand and twisted her head out the window, but her hand kept caressing the rough calluses on my hands.

In the end, she still didn't say anything.

After a week of rest at home, I went back to the construction site.

About seven or eight months later, my mother fell ill again, and it was the aunt in the same community who took her to the hospital.

She was admitted to the hospital because of dizziness and migraines, but the final diagnosis was moderate depression.

As a result, I couldn't bear it.

However, it is not surprising.

My mother dragged her two babies one by one, every day worried about what she did not meet the wishes of her daughter-in-law, was often brutally and unjustifiably cold, and saw her son struggling to survive in the mud of life, how could she not be depressed?

The bitterness in her heart is never half a point inferior to the bitterness I have eaten.

Selfish me, for the sake of so-called integrity, chose to cover my ears and steal the bell for all this.

But this time, in the face of such a result, I can no longer be selfish to the end.

I took out the strength that nine cows could not pull back, and forcibly sent my mother back to my hometown, so that she and her father could live a real old age together.

And I, too, have returned to my family.

I used the money I earned on the construction site to buy a used car, take two children during the day, and run Didi at night to make money and subsidize the family.

Every time I go out with my children, others often cast strange glances.

I don't care, I can tolerate any gaze compared to having a family with both parents, a childhood that was fully accompanied.

Importantly, I don't want my two daughters to become as selfish and indifferent as Wang Fang because of some kind of misdeeds from their original family, and the happiness index has always been below zero.

However, I slowly discovered that the matter of completeness and happiness is difficult to clap alone.

After returning to the family, no matter how much I pay and please, in exchange for Wang Fang's high coldness.

The eldest daughter is more than three years old, which is the age of activeness.

One day when I was cooking, I didn't pay attention, and she dropped Wang Fang's perfume.

Wang Fang was furious when she found out, saying that I was a waste of money, I couldn't earn money, and I couldn't even bring a child.

That tone, that look, was more vicious and disgusting than scolding an enemy.

At that moment, I saw the most real world of marriage, and I also broke out, asking her what she had done for this family?

She didn't say a word, only two words popped up: divorce.

Then, backhand drew a divorce agreement from the sideboard.

I wanted to take advantage of this quarrel to have a good talk with Wang Fang.

But, looking at the divorce papers she had prepared for a long time, I knew that such a person could not be retained.

In such a marriage, I was exhausted, and my front heart was sad and sad.

Wang Fang quickly separated from me, like throwing away a torn undershirt.

She offered the house and the eldest daughter to her, and the younger daughter followed me.

On the day they moved out of the house, the two children cried heart-wrenching.

That scene was definitely the most lingering shadow in my life, not one of them.

Seeing that I was homeless, my mother strongly asked me to send my second daughter back.

She even swore to me that "Mom will definitely help you take care of and educate her." Son, you work hard to make money, your mother guards the rear for you, and everything will be fine. ”

The feeling of being sorry for your parents and sorry for a pair of daughters is too heartfelt.

But I have no qualifications for grief and despair.

As a father, as a son, I have no choice but to work harder.

After a year, I was back on the construction site.

When I got divorced, I didn't cry, I wanted face, and my heart would be broken.

When my mother swore to me that she would help me with my daughter, I didn't cry.

I'm also a dad, and I know what it's like to watch my child shed tears in front of me, and I can't show my mom vulnerability anymore.

But that night, when I heard my co-worker call her daughter-in-law in her hometown, she said that she had bought several pairs of plastic gloves online for her daughter-in-law, and let her wear them when she washed clothes and did farm work.

The woman on the other side of the phone should be saying, why wear that thing, how inconvenient it is to work.

Only to hear the co-workers say in vain: "I have heard people say that the hand is the second face of a woman, and you must help me protect my face well, otherwise, I will suffer from this in vain in the city." ”

Then, it was a flirtatious conversation between the co-worker and the daughter-in-law.

At that moment, I broke through the defense.

In every hardest bone, there is the most delicate and gentle bond.

Such a small happiness and a small treasure, but I did not keep it.

At that moment, I suddenly wanted to find a stranger to talk about the world of men, and I saw Xiao Nian's article in the circle of friends, so I used this place as a tree hole.

Not all men, as the story says, are scummy, either cheating, or widowed marriage, ghost-like parenting...

Over the years, I've seen too many men like me, living humble and hard, but ending up in pieces.

The world's measure of men's worth is sometimes brutal.

Therefore, broken is broken, what perfection, life, there is never a retreat to speak of, to live, still have to abuse a thousand times, still have to be a thief's heart not to die.

And I, as a single father, may never be able to give my daughter the best life.

When the father, can not spell the father, but for the child's father, must fight.

So, come on!

There are rivers in even the humble bones, trying to slowly grind the pain of life into the texture of life.

Be a small strong who can't die, rely on a handful of strength, to fight for everything to be good.

After my wife cheated on me, I pretended not to see, and the man's psychological struggle was too hard

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