Recently, a friend of the class representative could not resist the daily urging of his family, so he participated in several blind date dinners.
Afterwards, she summed up with me that no matter whether the object of the blind date is a local or a foreigner, older than her or younger than her, I will first understand whether she has a house, whether she has a car, what is the monthly salary, etc., a very realistic problem, and then talk about whether there is a good feeling.
Chinese-style love probably has anxiety about material and social status. So many times, the questions asked about another person are very direct and realistic, but these questions do not help to approach a person's heart.
So, in today's tweet, the class representative prepared another kind of question for you, which is also very direct, but it can make the relationship between the two people heat up quickly.
Psychologist Arthur Aron believes that the process of falling in love with a person is simple, requiring only two strangers to ask each other 36 personal questions.
The 36 questions are divided into 3 groups, each of which is designed to reach a softer place inside than the previous group, and they are called "interpersonal intimacy generating experiments", after which the two sides look at each other for 4 minutes.
20 years ago, he managed to make two strangers fall in love in the lab. The principle of this experiment is very simple: once the fragility of the heart is revealed, it is easy for humans to close each other.
"The key to establishing an intimate relationship between peers is for both parties to continuously, shallowly and deeply share each other's inner and private thoughts," is the original words of the researchers.
Giving up arms and sharing the inner world is as fragile and beautiful as a hedgehog exposing its belly for others to touch.
Here are 36 questions:
Group 1:
1. If you could choose from anyone in the world, who would you like to invite to dinner?
2. Do you want to be famous? How do you want to become famous?
3. Do you rehearse what to say and why before you call?
4. What does a "perfect" day look like for you?
5. When was the last time you sang a song yourself? Sing to someone else?
6. If you could live to be 90 years old and still maintain your mind or body at the age of 30, which one would you choose to keep, mind or body?
7. Have you ever secretly anticipated how you would die?
8. Name three traits that you look the same as the one you're facing.
9. What in life is most appreciative to you?
10. If you could change one thing in the process of being raised, which one would it be.
11. Take four minutes to tell your partner as much detail as possible about your life experience.
12. If you woke up tomorrow and could have a certain talent or ability, what ability would you hope it would be?
Group II:
13. If there was a crystal ball that could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, and anything, would you want to know?
14. Is there anything you have always dreamed of doing but not doing, and why not?
15. What was your greatest achievement in life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most precious memory?
18. What are your worst memories?
19. If you knew you were going to die suddenly within a year, would you change the way you live now? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What role do love and emotion play in your life?
22. Take turns with your partner opposite to say what you think of as a good quality, five for each person.
23. Are your family members intimate and warm, and do you feel that your childhood was happier than others?
24. What is the relationship between you and your mother?
Group 3:
25. Each person uses "we" to create three sentences with actual situations, such as "We are both in the house, feeling..."
26. Complete the sentence: "I want to be with someone and share..."
27. If you want to be close friends with the other person, tell the other person what is important that he or she needs to know.
28. Tell the other person what you like about him or her, be very honest and say something you wouldn't say to Pingshui.
29. Share those awkward moments of your life with each other.
30. When was the last time you cried in front of someone else? Crying yourself?
31. Tell the other person what qualities you have liked in him or her.
32. What do you think is too serious to be a joke, if any.
33. If you are going to die tonight and don't have the opportunity to contact anyone, you regret that you didn't say anything to others before, so why haven't you said them until now?
34. Suppose all you have is in your house, and now that the house is on fire, after rescuing your family and pets, you still have a chance to safely rush in for the last time and take out the last thing, what will you take and why?
35. Who among your family members has died the saddest for you, and why?
36. Say a personal question about yourself and ask how they will resolve it if they encounter it. In addition, let the other person tell you truthfully how you feel about this issue in his or her eyes.
If you haven't found someone willing to answer these 36 questions together, it doesn't matter, at least we already understand the nature of love that matters is the feeling of being understood and supported.
People take the initiative to expose themselves to each other, deepen their understanding, and honesty and spiritual fit make the relationship intimate.
Or nothing about love, it's time to think about the difference between ineffective small talk and effective communication.
Why should people waste time and energy wandering around superficial relationships?
- till next time -
"Su Dongpo's Healingism"
The full set of 56 lectures has been updated