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Some time ago, when I visited a neighbor's house, the eldest daughter Xiao Yu and the little daughter Xiao Meng were playing in the living room, and out of courtesy, the neighbor's mother asked them to perform nursery rhymes that they had recently learned in kindergarten.
Xiao Yu shook her head and said "Don't" and hid in the room, but Xiao Meng sat generously on the sofa and sang
After a while, the neighbor's mother secretly said to me: "Our boss is too timid and introverted, not as generous and neat as the second boss." This kid...."
Listening to the neighbor's words is to regard the boss's introversion as a defect and weakness.
In view of the child's introverted personality, let's explore in depth, is the introverted child really bad?
01
Everyone has a unique personality, which is not a bad thing
We have more or less seen a lot of children who are very lively, or simply timid and introverted.
Didn't like mingling with other kids
Play alone
Don't dare to speak in front of crowded scenes or strangers
...
Outgoing children speak particularly sweetly such as "aunt", "sister", "thank you" and the like.
The introverted children bowed their heads and pulled at the corners of their mother's clothes.
I believe that parents will worry that their children will suffer losses in the future and will be excluded from school society.
Parents want to say that this is a complete misunderstanding.
Apple's 2013 ad was titled "Misunderstandings", and the male protagonist was a young boy who did not participate in the daily interactions of his family, usually did not like to talk, and did not even pay attention to the lively Christmas. Finally, the little boy recorded a video of their party with an iPhone and cut it into a beautiful video.
Introverted personality is never the measure of a child's future, absolutely not.
Psychologist Carl Jung said in the report "Psychological Typology": There is no difference between these two personalities, the difference is only in the direction of obtaining energy.
Extroverts get energy outwards through socializing.
Introverts consume their energy relative to socializing.
Introverted children can regain energy by recovering from solitude.
So stop labeling children, introverts and extroverts don't need discrimination as long as they're not natural vices.
02
Introverted children deserve more respect
Introverted children are normal people, not defective. What is blamed is the arrogance of others, the prejudice of others, the self-righteousness of others.
I also asked a friend with a master's degree in psychology, "Do introverts need to change?"
He told me that "no, every character deserves to be respected"
I don't think introverts need to change, and extroverts don't need to change.
The only thing to change is the unified set of high-quality templates in our minds,
The only thing to change is to make introverts extroverted, a bias that is fueled by seedlings.
Introverted children need to be respected.
Many parents only see the shortcomings of introversion, but they do not know that there are many advantages of introverted children.
Professor Li Meijin also mentioned such a point in the program:
"Children with sharp mouths, their grades are average. Children who do not say a word and speak less learn very well. ”
Introverted children like to play with themselves, are not easily disturbed by external sounds, have better concentration, and are generally easy to make achievements in some areas of interest.
These children like to focus on doing what they like, so why should they be blamed?
Introversion is not social fear and inferiority, please distinguish between mothers.
Introverts blush when they speak, introverts have to summon up courage when they speak, they are sensitive in their hearts, and they care more about the eyes and feelings of others.
But we parents should make it clear that the introverted personality of children is definitely not social fear and inferiority. These are not necessarily related.
Introverted children will grow up to be reliable listeners, more calm and comfortable in team leadership.
Don't ignore the shining point of introverted children, do you still think that introverts are bad when you see this?
03
How to communicate with introverted children
Don't tell your child, "You're so timid, you're going to be bullied when you grow up!" ”
"You can't be so introverted, you have to learn to be extroverted"
Every child is a unique gift, and differences in personality have created countless innocent children in the world.
If your child is very introverted, try this:
1. Don't tell your child that introversion = no show
Don't hit the child in character, let the child feel that he has the character of "original sin", which is harmful to the child and makes the child suffer from self-blame.
There is no need to discriminate, treat children normally, and respect their choices.
2. Try to find out the shining points in this regard of your child
As the closest person to your child, don't keep instilling in him that "introversion is a bad character."
Try to understand your child's interests when they are alone, and keep zooming in and encouraging them.
I have seen a documentary called "The Secret of Growing Up", which is a documentary that tracks the growth of kindergarten to high school, spanning a full decade.
The girl in the picture likes to be alone from a very young age, and she is also a little shy in front of the camera.
When she grew up, she was particularly quiet, talked elegantly and very well, and everyone had a beautiful temperament.
As an adult, she is also keen to be alone, and feels particularly good about being in a daze.
From the span of this decade, her mature character is well protected, thanks to her mother," unusually understanding and tolerance.
Her mother never felt that she was an abnormal child, but constantly encouraged the child and guided the child not to go a crooked path.
"In our eyes, children are quite normal"
04
Introverted children are not very expressive, please do not ignore them.
Mothers, please make more efforts to understand the child's inner world under the external factors of school, classmates and teachers.
Parents like this sentence very much:
Every child is a seed, but everyone's flowering period is different.
Some flowers bloom brilliantly at the beginning; some flowers require a long wait. Don't watch others bloom, their own tree has not moved on the hurry, I believe that the flowers have their own flowering period, carefully care for their own flowers slowly watching and growing, accompanying him to bathe in the sun and wind and rain, this is not a kind of happiness.
Introverted children just bloom at different times, please be patient and wait for the child.
Believe in the child and wait for the flowers to bloom. Even if the child does not bloom with enthusiasm, it is still a towering tree.
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