Wen | Yuan's mother's parenting diary original, welcome to forward and share personally
If you could turn back the clock, when would you most like to go back? It is estimated that most people's answer is to go back to childhood, because when they were young, they did not have the pressure of studying and working, did not have a car loan, did not have a mortgage, and could live a carefree life.
But you know what? The children you thought were carefree now have their own troubles.
The troubles of the children
A primary school homeroom teacher made a "trouble box" for the students in the class, asking the students to write their troubles on a note and put them into the box, and after the students put them away, the teacher opened the trouble box and saw the students' troubles.
To the teacher's surprise, "too much homework, not being a job manager, classmates don't like me, grandpa purring loudly..." are the troubles of individual children, and most of the remaining students' troubles come from their families and parents.
The troubles from the family can be roughly divided into two categories, one is that the child's troubles are that the parents always quarrel and the whole family cannot live together, and the other type of children are troubled because the parents are biased.
To sum up, although seemingly carefree children do not have the troubles of growing up, their parents and families always give them problems.
The relationship between husband and wife affects not only two people, but all family members
We always think that a little fart child knows what to do and what troubles he can have, but in fact, in the depths of his child's heart, he cares a lot about the relationship between his parents.
Parents quarrel with feelings and discord, even if the children have been divorced and separated, they know that even if the parents make up a reason to fool the children, they will still be detected by them, and therefore deeply hurt them.
The American Institute of Education has found through research and research that discord between parents or divorce can lead to a series of problems such as children's grades declining, lack of sense of achievement, and truancy.
Under the joint action of a variety of reasons, the divorce rate continues to rise, there are many couples to choose to separate in half, which will inevitably affect the growth of children, for those marriages that cannot be managed, how to reduce the harm to children is the most important consideration for parents.
Tell your child truthfully that it is not a cover-up:
Whether it is a quarrel or divorce, parents should let their children know the real situation and explain the reasons, so that the children believe that it has nothing to do with themselves.
Because usually, parents divorce children will blame their own faults, the child's guilt will be accompanied by life, it is difficult to recognize themselves and feel happy.
Don't ruin your child's relationship with the other partner:
There are many divorced celebrity couples who raise children together, but there are also restrictions on the child's contact with the other party, and the harm caused to the child in these two ways is self-evident.
In fact, as a parent, you should distinguish the role, perhaps the other party is not a good partner, but can not deny its value as a parent, do not say bad things about the other party, do not force the child to make a choice, allow the child to keep in touch with the other party, is the best explanation for this marriage and children.
Eccentricity is the stupidest thing a parent has ever done
The second big problem that bothers children is the bias of parents and the inability to treat two children equally, which is a mistake that many parents make, and human nature makes them prefer to be sensible, weak, or more like their own child.
But in fact, the two children are the same, the only difference is the attitude of the parents, the different attitudes of the parents will be exchanged for the different responses of the children, and the parents will produce corresponding attitudes according to the responses of the children, once the eccentricity is caught in a vicious circle, it is difficult to come out.
But very few parents admit or realize that they are biased, and very few parents are willing to correct it, rather than trying to evoke the "conscience" of their parents, it is better to teach neglected children how to get out of this trouble.
Re-examine yourself and not be swayed by outside voices: One will naturally identify oneself as judged by other people, such as a student who is often told that mathematics is bad. When facing mathematical problems, he will also think of everyone's evaluation, and even admit that he is not good at mathematics without even thinking.
Children who are often ignored by their families should not care about their voices, but should look at themselves from their own perspective. Be positive in what you are good at, get recognized, and constantly emphasize your value.
No matter what you do, you must obey your own will, do not please others, insist on being yourself, maintain a positive attitude, and bravely say "no" when you encounter unreasonableness and dissatisfaction.
Parents always take pains to pursue various educational recipes, but they do not know that the husband and wife are emotionally stable, and the harmony and happiness of the family are the best support for children to be serious and self-motivated and strong in their hearts.
【Today's Interaction】
Have you ever cared about any kind of troubles your children have?