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In the blink of an eye, the pea friend was three and a half years old.
From the state of resisting going to kindergarten and crying every day in November last year, to the mode of being sick yesterday and shouting to play with classmates, the children have changed really much.
In March, I also won the first full-time baby award in my life, and the energy of a certificate was more effective than my mother's nagging! In the process of going out to climb the mountain, he held his mother's hand and tried to protect his mother. When I called my dad who was working overtime, I told my dad to look at the vehicle on the road and pay attention to safety. In kindergarten, I met a lot of good friends, and my gentle personality was also good. Parent-child reading has been carried out for more than three years, from rejecting English to actively reading English books, every day is developing in a better way.
Yesterday the child was sick and I thought about asking the baby to drink more water. But I said it several times, but I didn't listen. I was a little angry at once, and the child said to me, whether to drink water or not is my own business, Mom, what are you angry about. I'm thirsty and I'll drink it myself. The old mother was gagged for a moment, not knowing how to express her feelings.
The older the child, the stronger the sense of independence and the more ideas there are. The less I interfere with my child, the better he will perform. In the past six months, I have stopped writing about early education enlightenment, and respect for nature is the best state of parenting.
Returning to the original intention, health and peace are the essence. As for children's early education enlightenment, only parent-child reading and outdoor sports are the best ways to enlighten. Like the discipline of word recognition, arithmetic, etc. these will be learned sooner or later.
Many times, as a new parent, you have to step on some pits to understand the truth and crawl out of the whirlpool of anxiety. This article will record the child's half-year growth and self-parenting feelings!
The first step in building self-esteem
The first step in building self-esteem: give your child a simple affirmation.
This semester, I enrolled my child in a delayed class, speech and eloquence. One lesson per week, the content of the course is very simple, that is, self-introduction and tongue twisters and the like, mainly to exercise the child's articulation and expression ability.
The original intention of applying for this course is to let the child practice his courage and let the child express himself confidently. The course content is thin but can not stand the child's like, after each class, the teacher will give the child a numerical score card, there are 1 point, 5 points, and 10 points.
When the child gets the 10-point card, he closes his mouth happily, and even when he sleeps and dreams, he will laugh out loud. This small scorecard is an affirmation of the child, a booster for the child on the road to self-confidence, and the first step for the child to build self-esteem.
But to be clear, self-esteem is not produced by empty psychological reinforcement, like you are good, you are excellent, etc., but through real actions, real practices, the product of hard work. Like a child going to class, really feeling their own progress, getting the affirmation of others, is a real existence, this is the rise of self-esteem.
Some time ago, I just watched Tal's "Positive Psychology" explanation on self-esteem and benefited a lot. In a person's life, self-esteem is divided into three stages: dependent self-esteem, independent self-esteem, and unconditional self-esteem. Their relationship is a gradual pattern, which means that unconditional self-esteem is not possible without dependence and independent self-esteem.
Dependent self-esteem is obtained through the evaluation of others and the words of others; independent self-esteem is to evaluate oneself by one's own standards; unconditional self-esteem is the highest level of self-esteem, fully confident, and does not participate in any evaluation. Similar to the transcendent world in Buddhism, relationships with others are interdependent and self-reliant.
We spend our entire lives trying to improve our self-esteem, and probably spend more than half of our lives hovering between dependent self-esteem and independent self-esteem. Everyone needs the affirmation of the outside world, which is human nature and cannot be violated.
Among children, self-esteem starts with dependent self-esteem, which requires the support and affirmation of parents and the comfort and encouragement of teachers. Many adults always question themselves when they are frustrated in the workplace or have poor relationships, feeling that they will not know anything, that they are useless, and that they are self-denying and demeaning.
Most of these people have been ignored by their families in their childhood (including me), and they have done one thing with joy, but they are said by their families that they are not doing their jobs; they accidentally break a bowl, but they are said to be the first to eat, and when they go out, their families do not relieve themselves but laugh with others.
These wounds have healed and the scars are still there. The past writes life, and the choice of the future will always make the past shackled. Psychologist Adler said: Happy childhood heals a lifetime, and unhappy childhood needs a lifetime to heal.
In the process of accompanying children, children are actually particularly vulnerable inside. For example, when Peas was playing Lego at home and couldn't assemble it, he would throw things in anger, cry and go to me, throw anger at me, and beat me with his hands.
If the child hits me, I will be very angry, do not want to ignore him, let him face the wall to think, he cried and said, Mom, I am angry, you hug me. Every time I heard these words, no matter how angry I was, I took him in my arms and embraced him deeply.
Many times, for children as big as peas, emotional collapse occurs every day, and whether it is positive discipline or empathy mentioned in the parenting book, it is necessary for the child to be calm and calm. However, in the process of my parenting, I found that calmness is a good way to deal with it, but giving a big hug to my child is more effective than calming.
Hugging seems to be rewarding, but in fact, it is through action to tell the child, no matter what you do, the mother loves you, love has no added value, not because you are obedient and well-behaved and excellent learning and love you, but because you are born worthy of being loved.
Hugging is a way of loving, giving children the first confidence and courage in life. If your child loses his temper, try to hug him! Even if you struggle and cry, you must hug him gently and forcefully, and in the process of hugging, we accompany the child to calm down.
The second step in building self-esteem
The second step in building self-esteem: say less no/ok and say more you can/do.
The previous week Pea had learned how to ride a bike without auxiliary wheels, and it took only a morning to learn and learn. At the beginning, when I learned to ride a bicycle with auxiliary wheels, I was able to ride very smoothly, and I could basically walk around the neighborhood with adults.
However, the auxiliary wheel is a bit heavy, the left and right heights are still different, the child in the riding process, always to the right, riding will also affect the sitting posture of the baby. Thinking about it, I removed the auxiliary wheel. After removing it, the child's instinctive fear and resistance, dead or alive, are unwilling to practice.
There is a bike lane near the neighborhood where we live and we want to take the baby for a ride together. But the baby was not very powerful, and said to us, you want to ride, go, why force me to learn.
Every time I take my baby out to play, but whenever there are children who pass by and ride bicycles without auxiliary wheels, I will let the children see, "Baby, you see how good my brother rides." You learned, the next time we get to the park we'll ride together! "Kids always say, I can ride a balance bike!" Or maybe we can't ride a bike!
While walking around the park, I saw a little girl riding a bicycle like a balance bike, not stepping on the pedals, and moving forward with her legs crossed. This is a good opportunity, the child said that the original bicycle can still play like this, I go home and try it.
In this way, the child bravely took the first step in the process of riding the bicycle as a balance bike. Because I was afraid and did not dare to put my foot on the pedal, I supported the left handle with my left hand and the back seat with my right hand, trying not to let the car fall, encouraging the child to put his foot on the pedal and ride forward step by step.
Just like that, I bent all the way, and the child pedaled step by step, while saying rainbow fart, "Baby, you see, you can ride, right!" "After two laps, my left hand was as loose as possible to let the child control the direction.
Slowly, I let go of my left hand, and the child was still able to ride freely. After about two laps, I quietly let go of my right hand and really learned how to control the bike.
While he was riding in front, I was taking a video in the back. Looking at his small back, he sighed that the child's learning ability is so strong! Just try it and it's been more than a half!
In the process of parenting, the child will go through a rebellious period of saying no between the ages. You make him face east, he has to face west. You don't let him do anything, he has to do something for you to see.
Peas also went through that process, thinking back on that experience, probably because of the reasons of new parents, with the nature of protecting children, always worried that children eat unhealthy things, or bumping, nervous tension, saying too much no to children, no.
You can't go into a puddle
You can't play in the mud
You can't climb trees
You can't pick flowers
…
Have too many negative words, no, can't, can't, no, how can a child not rebel! If someone says to us every day that this is not okay, it is not okay, and there is no specific information on how to do it, and it is estimated that we will also collapse and be uneasy.
There are two parts to improving self-esteem, the first is ability; the second is a sense of worth. Let's start with ability! We need to tell children that you can do something and gain a sense of accomplishment by doing simple things. In the case of peas, I encourage the child to do what he thinks he can't do, to disassemble complex things, just like in a painting of a person, who is made up of several parts, head, body, arms and hands, legs and feet.
The head is divided into eyes, nose, mouth, ears, etc. This method of splitting is to first the whole and then the part, and slowly disassemble until the thing is dismantled into a state of atoms (which can no longer be disassembled).
Children are afraid of difficulties, and little pea likes to do simple things, because simple things can be easily done and have a sense of accomplishment. As long as it's a little harder, he cries, too hard, I can't.
If you ask him what his future ideals are? Every day for a while, I was clamoring to be a scientist a few days ago, and then I heard that scientists need to learn a lot of things, and I immediately gave up. Now it has been changed to a policeman, and I heard that the police are not very simple, so I changed it to a traffic policeman. When traffic police need to protect their eyes, watch cartoons a little less. He muttered that it seems that the sanitation workers are reliable, because sweeping the floor is relatively simple.
This state is also normal, as long as you tell your child that complex things are composed of simple things, learning to slowly dismantle them will also help your children to go to school later. Usually, we will let the children do more things that they can, such as dressing and taking off shoes, packing up toys and folding clothes or washing dishes, and we will let the children do some.
At first, the effect is not seen, and after a long time, the child will believe that he has the ability to do a good job. In fact, the principle is similar to "Micro Habits", first do some simple things to establish a positive state, slowly increase the difficulty, and make the effort a habit.
I also found out, but whenever I say no, the child cringes at new things and does not dare to try. If I say you can, try it, it doesn't matter if you fail, the child will try hard even if he is afraid. This may be the role of language reinforcement!
In the process of parenting, it is also a process of cultivation. One morning to send the baby to school, the child along the way grinding and rubbing slowly and leisurely walking, when the mother is easy to get on fire, "Hurry up, it is too late, you will not be able to eat", in inappropriate words, "it is really the emperor is not in a hurry to die eunuchs."
The faster I say, the slower the child's pace becomes, and the slower it becomes pacing. I was annoyed but couldn't have a seizure, and there was on the road, and I shouted, don't step on the. As soon as he finished speaking, the child immediately rubbed on the, the pace of the devil.
The fire to be sent immediately let a bubble of to extinguish, look, the child really automatically filters out the negative words. If I had said take a detour, perhaps this would not have been the case. This incident also reminded me that if I say no less to my child, think less, and come at the child's pace, sooner or later he will learn how to plan his time.
The third step in building self-esteem
The third step in building self-esteem: judge less and try more
In addition to giving the baby a lecture on "Speech and Eloquence", he also arranged clay sculpture class, painting class, science experiment class, and physical fitness class at home. The children have a special love for the class, as soon as they say that there is a class today, the spirit head immediately comes.
When there is no baby, watching others arrange a lot of lessons for the child, I still think that the baby is not tired? Now it seems that the baby is indeed not tired, tired to be an adult. Regarding the courses at home, they are strictly followed by the class schedule. Monday and Wednesday are painting lessons, because the child especially likes to draw, so give him a brush to express himself.
Tuesday and Friday clay sculpture class, is to use clay to pinch a variety of favorite dolls, children especially like to play, but also exercise the child's fine movements, is a little expensive and expensive clay. Children strive for excellence in their own work. In fact, imperfection is the essence of life, and we must accept the flaws of the work as we accept ourselves.
The sixth is the experimental class, which is to do some simple home experiments through eggs, water, pigments, etc., mainly to keep children curious about the exploration of science.
Sundays are basically physical fitness classes, that is, doing some parent-child sports, or jumping exercises and the like. The week's schedule is basically arranged between 7:00 and 8:00 p.m., and the one-hour course is estimated to take two hours for the child.
1. Painting class
At this stage, the children in the painting class are learning from Teacher Yangmei Chen. The basics are a series of courses from color mixing, shape, shape, space, setting up stage theater and so on.
The child especially likes this teacher Chen, and his speech is as gentle as a runyu, mainly according to the child's ideas. Painting is not utilitarian, does not care whether it resembles a real object, and does not need to use colorful brushes.
As long as you paint and try to observe, this is the essence of painting. Self-esteem is also established from trying to slowly harvesting sweetness, getting positive feedback, building a sense of ability, a sense of accomplishment, and obtaining high self-esteem.
When the child first starts to draw, give the child positive guidance, respect the child's ideas, he has his own aesthetic, we can not take the adult standard to demand the child. Otherwise, with our judgment, the child will lose interest in painting.
In the past, Peas did not dare to write, always worried that they would not draw wrongly, and interpreted the perfectionist persona to the fullest. Later, we often encouraged children to draw, so I bought a lot of picture books, there are kinds of drawing paper that can be laid as long as you want, prepare brushes and paints, and smear them arbitrarily. Even if the painting is meaningless, it doesn't matter, as long as you paint it, it is worth encouraging.
After a long period of affirmation and encouragement, the child's painting slowly from simple lines to can draw a scene-style picture, painting is to express the inner self, although the characters he sketched are not like, but can express the story in words. For us, children make great progress, which is the kind of leap from quantity to quality.
Regardless of whether the child has a talent for painting, as long as he expresses his inner thoughts through this form, we will encourage the child to keep drawing and insisting on what is also a good habit.
2. Clay sculpture class
For clay sculpture class, I prefer it. In the process of my learning, I also took my children to learn together. Just start making some simple dolls like ducks, watermelons, rainbows, little turtles, etc.
When I first started learning to make clay sculptures, the first finished product was teeth, although it didn't look good, but the child had a special sense of accomplishment. In the process of rubbing, children slowly learn to use tools, how to use acrylic plates, how to rub into a smooth ball, how to highlight the eyes, how to make a donut with a bowl stick, and so on.
In this way, pinching and rubbing, poking and shaping, a total of nine works were made. Each piece is imperfect, but we all enjoy the process of completing one piece. It feels like time has stopped, the doll in your hand seems to be reborn, and the state of flow is more or less like this.
When I was making clay sculptures, there was a process that I remember vividly. It is that I use white clay to make petals, and the child uses yellow clay to rub into balls to make flower buds. The petals I make are very small, so the buds also need to be very small. However, the child's flower bud is slightly larger, so he puts a large yellow flower bud on the petal, which looks a little abrupt.
I said in passing, the flower bud seems to be a little too big, the flower is not very beautiful. The child's mind is sensitive, he immediately tore the yellow flower buds down, because of the stickiness of the clay, the flower buds did not tear off the sharp, but broke the petals.
He kneaded the whole flower into a ball like a piece of paper, and the source of perfectionism may be judged by another person. Dependent self-esteem is determined by others, a sense of self-worth comes from the outside, and caring about the evaluation of others is our nature from birth.
In the process of raising children, for the child's behavior, try to state the facts, do not judge, inspire and guide the child, so that the child can make a good transition from dependent self-esteem to independent self-esteem, and have their own ideas.
3. Science experiment class
At this stage, static electricity experiments, floating and sinking experiments, as well as balloon water filling experiments, and siphon experiments have been done. In the process of doing these simple experiments, children need to go through four steps, namely observation, hypothesis, experiment, and research.
The first is observation.
Take the floating test, prepare two glasses of water, add eggs, and observe whether the eggs will sink or float up.
Then there are the assumptions
If you put some salt into a glass of water to form salt water, will the egg sink or float up.
The second is experimentation
Put the eggs in the brine and find the eggs floating.
Finally, there is research
By observing the question hypothesis, we conclude that the density of eggs is greater than the density of water, so eggs sink into water. If the density of brine is greater than that of eggs, then the eggs will float up from the water.
Children especially like this kind of experimental class, because they can try it out and let the results of the experiment be presented in front of their eyes. In the days of accompanying children, let the children try different things as much as possible, as long as they see more, the fear of the unknown in their hearts will slowly decrease.
Although Pea is still the kid who doesn't dare to take risks, he has learned to accept his fears in his own way. It's normal to be afraid of one thing, and I don't label my child as timid just because he won't do something.
True courage is the process of trying hard even when you know you're going to be scared. I hope that my children will also have the confidence to accept their imperfections in order to pursue the goal of perfection.
Of course, I will still shout because of the naughty mischief of the child, but life has an extra barrier, and every time I want to shout, there will be a voice reminding me, Mom, don't you mean to be a gentle mother?
Ever since the child knew that my goal was to be a gentle mother, he put gentleness on his lips every time he did something wrong, so that I had no reason to lose my temper. It's good to be three and a half years old and grow into a big kid with ideas!
May I be gentle as a spring breeze, and may the pea be brave and kind, and have an eye that discovers beauty.
—END—
Leaf said
Wow everyone! I haven't written an article in a month and a half, and I've been busy with other things lately. The child's growth record was pushed back and forth until the age of three and a half! This may serve as a tree hole to record the growth of children and some of my parenting feelings, thank you for your attention, if you have different opinions, welcome to discuss in the message area. Here, I recommend my favorite books and movies to everyone, I hope you have seen some inspiration.
I borrowed a book called Flow in the library the previous month and read it twice. There is a passage that I particularly like, and I send it to you:
"A man with a self-satisfied personality doesn't need much material wealth, entertainment, comfort, power or fame because what he does is already a reward in itself."
Because such people can feel the flow of their hearts in work and family life, interpersonal interaction, diet or even when they are alone, they do not rely less on external rewards to act, and live a dull, boring, meaningless formulaic life.
They are not intimidated and tempted by external things, and they appear to be more spontaneous and independent, because they are fully engaged in life, and they are more involved in everything around them. ”
This passage became the direction of my efforts, I knew that it takes a long time to hone, to go through the process of falling down and getting up again, to go through the process of learning from failure. There are many complex emotions to experience, such as fear and confusion. A state of self-sufficiency is not innate.
A movie recommended by Papa Pea, "The Oath of the Morning Flower", is a promised flower that is tied up in the parting dynasty. After I read it, I burst into tears. Maybe I brought myself into the plot of the movie, maybe it was because of my son, or because I was a mother, in short, the film's family and friendship, encounter and parting, about the inheritance and loneliness of life expounded the essence of life and death.
Everyone has to go through parting, but it is precisely because of parting that they can feel the preciousness of being alive. Life is also like this, many people are lost to know how to cherish, rather than doubling down on care when they have it.
This is a very beautiful film, and it is highly recommended for parents with children to watch it. After watching this film, I found that I loved children more than before.
Under the influence of the epidemic, the employment environment this year is not very good. Beijing was already very volumey, and now it is even more volume. Most of the technical development languages I learned have been abandoned. To do our job is to live to learn from the old to the old.
My friend messaged that he was too tired. Working until the early hours of the morning every day, there is also a risk of layoffs, and the day is spent in a state of physical and mental exhaustion. I don't know what I'm trying to do all my life, I don't do the work I like, I can only do it hard in order to make a living, and the life of the low-level people is not very good.
But the mentality should still be positive, after all, no matter what era you are in, you need to work hard. A lot of things are not interesting at the beginning, but it takes time and energy to find this thing interesting. I hope everyone can find their own interesting things, and I hope that the epidemic will end soon!
Life goes on, come on!