Author:Ai Wen (Emotional Self-Media Person)
I am often asked this question:
Teacher, you have seen more, I want to ask you, people who have betrayed their feelings, is it possible to change it in the end, can I still believe in ta, rely on ta...
This question is a question that many people especially want to verify after being betrayed, so what is the answer to this question?
If you want an immediately clear answer, then the answer is "easy to change, the nature is difficult to move" - it should be noted that this sentence does not mean that the other party will betray again.
The key to answering this question is to see how to understand the nature of "betrayal" - my point of view has always emphasized that if you encounter emotional betrayal, you must look at the essence through the phenomenon, betrayal of feelings is only a formal problem, and the deep problem is actually a person's character and character.
From this point of view, betrayal means that the betrayer is actually selfish internally, caring more about himself than he cares about the other party - this is character and character.
If we understand it from this point of view, then personality and character are the most difficult to change, because these things are almost the deepest and deepest things in a person's bone marrow, how can they be easily changed. Therefore, even if the other party never betrays again, this component of his personality will probably remain without changing at all.
This is the most critical point, why many people have experienced betrayal of feelings and marriages, even if the betrayer is no longer deviant, the relationship between the two people is still not harmonious, or you still can't feel the other party's love and care for you, care and responsibility, this is the reason.
The other layer that I want to explain to you is that if you only focus on whether the other party will change, in order to determine your future life plan, then it shows that you have not grown after encountering emotional betrayal - after encountering betrayal, the most important lesson you should learn is to rely on yourself; not how to transform the other party and make the other party a person who can be relied on.
Further, whether to change is the other party's business, if the other party can change well, so that you feel that you can still be trusted, then, of course, you do not need to worry - and you pay attention to whether the other party can change, just shows that your biggest concern, is afraid that the other party will not change, will repeat, so, your way of thinking to solve the problem, but should be: If the other party is not changed, is betrayed again, what should you do?
For so many people who betray their feelings, there is no absolute change or no change - there is a small probability in the high probability, it is a high probability that it will not change, it is difficult to change it; it is a small probability to be able to change, or even change the face. Encountering the former is normal, and encountering the latter is a kind of luck in misfortune.
Another problem that goes unnoticed is that the people who ask the question at the beginning are often people who have just experienced emotional betrayal; and those who have experienced betrayal for a long time will not ask such a question again, because after a period of time, the question has already been answered -- what can be changed has been changed; those who cannot be changed, the same or cannot be changed.
Therefore, you have to understand a truth, if you are really confused about whether the other party will change, then, there is no answer at the moment, "the road knows the horsepower, and the people's hearts are seen for a long time", if there is not enough time to test and confirm, there is no conclusion at all.
For people with confusion such as this, my advice to them is usually:
If you are willing to continue the relationship, willing to try to see if the other party can change, then set a time period, such as half a year or a year, the time is up, the conclusion is clear, whether a person has changed in the end, this time is probably not enough, but this time is enough for you to judge whether this person has the possibility of changing, or whether this person is still worth relying on and trustworthy.
A lot of people will focus on a problem at this time: so, how do I come to the conclusion that if he continues to deceive me, I may not know.
About this, a simple truth is: your feelings will not deceive you, so you believe in your own feelings, the time is up, this feeling will give you the conclusion, reliable is reliable, unreliable is unreliable; if it is not clear whether it is reliable or unreliable, it will be treated as unreliable.
The final question, then, is whether you respect your feelings when you feel bad, whether you are willing to accept reality, whether you can give the other person a judgment, and whether you can make a decisive choice for the future of the relationship.