OK Mom says:
There is such a passage in the French fairy tale "The Little Prince". The little prince asked, "What is the ceremony?" The fox said, "It is to make a certain day different from other days, to make a certain moment different from other times." ”
That is true. In order to give a shining light to the blandness and triviality of day after day, and in order to leave wonderful memories for children, our generation of parents, even if they are not a sense of ceremony, have not been less busy with ritual over the years.
However, the deliberate sense of ritual is ultimately tiring. As my little friend Esther said, she tried once or twice, but every year a voice told her that she was exhausted and couldn't lie flat!
"Make your child happy, or let yourself go?" After struggling with this question for a long time, she suddenly thought, why not leave the ritualistic operation to the child himself? With this idea, she designed some small methods, did not expect to "crooked", this method has been used for nearly two years, no need to go through a lot of effort, but the children are very happy, and better to bring.
When I saw these methods of hers, I also felt very inspired, very grounded, and I could use them on the same day.
Text: Esther
Once, I had a stereotype in my mind, sense of ceremony = festival = can not be pushed away of the human routine + business sales password + posting photos of the circle of friends.
Every time I was stressed, I had to decorate my home, fill a table full of dishes, or prepare amazing gifts. Just thinking about it is hard.
Last year, I had a cold on Christmas and New Year's Day, and I didn't have the physical strength to cook a big meal or go out to play. 1 week before the Spring Festival, the epidemic suddenly occurred, trapped in a small home in Hangzhou, unable to return to his hometown for reunion.
A few "big festivals" were forced to spend low-key, but the children did not have any regrets! Surrounded by a small tabletop Christmas tree that will glow, I have played with my family, told stories, opened gifts, and had fun for more than half a month.
This made me more and more determined that the sense of ceremony does not have to be the grandeur of the New Year's Festival.
Today I would like to share with you how to do it, you can make ordinary life fragments shiny and bring your family together with a relatively small cost of energy.
1. Kiti's first car, used to clean up toys
Turning toys into a "ritualistic" thing.
Our toys are divided into two parts, one part is hidden and "shelved", and the other part is placed in a model storage cabinet, and children can pick up and clean them up by themselves.
Before washing every night, the cones (brother's nickname) would receive the toys into the model storage cabinet, which was like a monument to his merits, standing beautifully in the corner of the living room, marking his great achievement as a "little storage home".
Before owning this car cabinet, it would take a lot of effort to let him collect the toys himself. Every time it was time to collect the toys, the young cones sighed like an old man and said, "I'm so tired!" ”
For a while, I wanted to buy a new toy storage cabinet, but with a clever idea, why not use the toy cabinet and make the toy a small ceremony of cone?
I opened the shopping app to search for the "toy storage cabinet", let him choose his favorite style, and told him that when he learned to sort and pack the toys, he would get it in 1 month!
The effect was immediate, that month, he carefully packed up the toys, all the excuses disappeared, no longer complaining tired, not impatient when correcting his classification errors.
A month later, he picked up the storage cabinet. After assembling it with my father, I happily welcomed my first car.
I planned with him: "This drawer has bricks, that drawer has cars, and here are the props of the family." "Also discuss with him how to classify more conveniently?" Is LEGO a brick or a family? It is up to him to judge that as long as it is a decision made by himself, he has implemented it very well.
2. Smoke blind boxes, eat snacks, and double your happiness
Although our family does not want children to eat snacks, there are too many temptations outside, and it is not reasonable to let them eat completely.
I remember when I was a kid I went to my grandmother's house, and the tin jars were always filled with sweet preserves, candy and strange peanuts, just like opening a blind box every time.
So drawing on this idea, I put the snacks suitable for children in a jar that belongs only to them, and every afternoon tea time can be opened to enjoy, becoming a small ritual, not only the problem of rules is solved, but also this happiness can be passed on to the children.
After doing this, every day the children are looking forward to opening the jar for snacks. Occasionally, when they eat snacks outside the jar given by their fathers, their satisfaction will be extra strong.
3. Friday Big Bed Day
The children had their own rooms, but for a while, they always sneaked into our big bed at two or three o'clock in the middle of the night, carrying their comfort blankets and stuffed pets. The two of them lay groggy together, sleeping very dishonestly, which led to a serious decline in the quality of our couple's sleep. Remind me not to come back many times, or teach again and again.
I think that although the children have grown up, they still miss the intimacy of sleeping with their parents when they were young, and we have not enjoyed two warm babies for a long time, so we simply turned every Friday into a day when the whole family slept in the big bed.
That's why the kids are especially looking forward to Friday, which is a big day for the whole family to lie flat together. They would wash up very aggressively, and then they would take turns urging us: "Hurry up and take a shower and go to bed." ”
Of course, the use of ritual to replace the rules of this trick is not a "fresh move". Children still sometimes don't take toys, steal snacks, and sneak to the big bed in the middle of the night.
I often tell myself not to be too disappointed, after all, the original intention is not to use the sense of ceremony to "routine" them, so that they obediently live the way adults want. Just trying to make them understand that following their parents' expectations is also a joy.
4. Birthday party becomes "brother certification party"
Being a "brother" is also ritualistic.
Before my brother was born, we planned to turn the 2nd birthday of the cones into a "brother certification meeting", congratulating him on having a new identity as an older brother, which is also a milestone in his growth!
Cones' focus on birthday parties is "friends" and "big cakes." So I invited some uncles, aunts and children who grew up watching him grow up, prepared a (big for him) cake, bought some ready-made afternoon tea snacks, bunting balloon decorations, and the party atmosphere was there.
The process of eating and drinking is not too complicated, and more attention is spent on the link of certifying the cones to become a brother.
I made a short video to record his growth photos this year, and after watching it, everyone sat around and sang birthday songs, blew candles, and although there were no gifts (we informed everyone in advance that they didn't have to spend money to prepare), everyone wrote a card to him and encouraged him to become a brother.
I remember a primary school student's brother who had a younger brother in his own family, and he wrote on the card in a serious voice: "Protecting the baby is a big thing!" Those cards have always been collected, making Sweet Boy look forward to his new identity.
This ritual sowed the seeds in his heart: in addition to being the beloved eldest son of his parents, he would also become an older brother, which would be his new mission.
This sense of ceremony of becoming an older brother needs to be revisited from time to time.
In the days to come, whenever he was unhappy with his brother, when his mood calmed down, I would mysteriously and quietly tell him: "Do you know why Heaven let you be a brother?" Because you can be a good brother. He always listened quietly and nodded slightly.
Once, I asked the two little ones, "Why did God give me such a lovely child?" The cones replied calmly: "Heaven let you be a mother, because I know that you have the patience to take care of children." Although I have not experienced a "mom certification meeting", this statement is a 100-point certification for me.
Later, every time I was angry with the "bear-like" of the two of them, frustrated by my own loss of control, I remembered the "certification" of the cones to me, and told myself that I just couldn't do it this time, which did not affect my inevitable desire to become a good mother.
This is the power of the sense of ritual to give oneself a positive "hint". Life brings many setbacks, and we all need to be given hope.
5. Photo album, touch the growth
I prepared a text + photo growth book for each of my two children to record their growth every year.
My handiwork is not very good, so the design of the souvenir book is not complicated: a slightly larger layout than A4 paper, with a few classic photos of that year + 1 handwritten card. Wait until they are 18 years old to give it to them as a gift for adulthood.
Once a year, I would break it off and throw away all my old notes electronically. But the touchable text and photos found with a very real taste of time make people feel closer.
These two simple but unique commemorative books are also a ritual for me to love them.
Of course, I've also tried some useless rituals.
For example, bedtime stories that can't stick to it.
Many books say that telling bedtime stories is a good part of the sleep ritual. But our children prefer to hug and mingle with adults before going to bed, even after reading the story, they still pestered you to play crazy for a while, which made our husband and wife exhausted.
Later, we let ourselves go, gave up reading, just make a big fuss for a while, and then a few times the enthusiastic "circle hug". The brothers of the Dragon and Tiger Fight during the day will kiss each other's cheeks at this moment, very warmly.
After a while, I tried to restart the bedtime story session, but found that the child began to talk about life after listening to the story, and even revealed which girl he liked. It turns out that the little boy usually does not like to speak in his heart, but this is the time when he opens the "window of the soul". So later"bedtime story + chat" became the new bedtime ritual in our family.
Another example is a "not very effective" mom kiss.
I have heard people recommend that if the child is not willing to enter the kindergarten, it is said that he can take the mother's kiss into the kindergarten and put a kiss on the palm of his hand, which can encourage the child to overcome the boredom of school.
I used this method, but my boss may feel that I just want to "get rid of" him, or maybe the little boy is not cold to this too tender way, he is not appreciative, or he still refuses to go to school.
Once, I stumbled upon him at home always stroking a smooth little hairball, "Let it be your little pet, is it okay to accompany you into kindergarten?" He gladly accepted. It turned out that he was more looking forward to a small partner, and the feeling of "I can take care of others, I can do it". Today, this hairball has been with him for 2 years.
Therefore, the sense of ceremony does not need to be fixed to a certain look, and the sense of ceremony that is suitable for each family may be different.
Of course, it's not that hard to design a sense of ceremony that belongs to your own family. Children bring their own sense of ceremony from an early age, and as long as we follow their preferences and add small ideas, we can give birth to a warm and interesting new "family tradition".
The sense of ceremony is not a means of controlling the child, but an activity that every family member enjoys, feeling appreciated and trusted. As the family grinds together, they will explore small rituals that suit their home.