Hello everyone. During the anti-epidemic period at home, the child's mood began to change significantly, especially in children aged 3-7 years old, began to feel impatient, and parents did not want to completely hand over their children to screen management.
We found an article on how to deal with children's fears, impatience and anxiety during the pandemic. Hope it works for you.
Hello everyone, parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts who are watching this video, and all the friends who watch this video.
I'm Joyce from Phoenix, Arizona, USA, and I've lectured in China and co-hosted a great game therapy course with the CNPT team.
So I've been thinking about you, especially when I recently learned about the spread of the novel coronavirus, and I'm even more so, and no matter what you've been through, I hope to help you in any way possible. Help your children, as well as help yourself.
To this end, we have prepared some common parent-child problems during the epidemic, hoping to help you, I hope to alleviate the tension between you and your family, so that you feel more comfortable.
I guess things tend to be more macro, rather than from a single perspective, and I'll do my best to share as simple as possible, okay?
I want to try to "simplify" as much as possible so that everyone can use what they already have at home and can do the activities I will mention without having to go out shopping, and it is important to be "simple".
1.
How to explain the epidemic to your child?
How to keep such a small child at home for a long time?
How to explain why there is a delay in returning to school?
When the child is afraid, when something new comes along, we have to comfort the child and tell them that you are here, that you will always be here, or that his caregiver will always be there and will always be with him.
I would liken the pandemic to a sudden, invisible storm that can be seen with the naked eye. But this storm is invisible, and we can't see it, just as we can't see the wind. But you can see the traces of the wind blowing, yes, the epidemic is an invisible storm, and it has begun.
You can tell your little ones that they start small and then gradually become stronger, like a storm, right? It was small at first, and then as it passed, after a while, it became larger and larger. Maybe it passes through your hometown and city, and it will eventually disappear, although it may take a long time.
Therefore, you can explain to your child that it is an invisible storm, which starts small and then slowly grows larger, although it will remain for a while, but eventually it will disappear. It is important that we stay safe at home and protect ourselves. The news of the end of the storm came, right?
When the storm comes, the most we want to hear is the news that we can go out safely, sometimes for a long time, and until then, we have to stay at home to make sure it is safe. Words like "safe" are the key words you want to explain, we want to be safe, so we stay at home because it's safe inside.
You can also say that we imagine the rainbow after the storm, and the metaphor of the rainbow is very beautiful, right? We can also draw rainbows, maybe we can draw some rainbows together, which is a way you can use to comfort your child and stay together.
Parents can also say that bears hibernate in the winter, they hibernate all winter, they stay in the cave and do not come out until the end of winter and spring comes. Bears are smart, and they know when to stay inside. We can pretend to be bears, pretend to be bears, and even sleep like bears.
Parents can explain to their children in a figurative way, I say these words, not to ignore the seriousness of the problem, I know that the problem may be serious, but I hope that parents can say such things to their children in a comfortable way. Because they can hear your tone and can also help you calm yourself down, which in turn can help yourself, so it's important.
2.
How to help children who are nervous, afraid, afraid, anxious, worried?
I think we can do creative activities, but only if people can do them at home.
Parents can make a "everything will get better" little picture booklet that you can make yourself without going out to buy, which is actually a painting activity to help children release their fears and worries and relieve stress.
You only need white paper, crayons or pencils, yes, if you don't have a crayon, you can use a pencil or a water pen or something, you have what you have on hand, it is important that you prepare three pieces of paper, if the child is younger, two will be enough.
The first step, if your child says to you: Mom, I'm scared, I'm really scared, I don't want to stay here, I just don't want to stay here. You can answer: I have an idea that can alleviate fear.
Then you give the child a piece of paper and say: Can you draw a picture and draw your fears and worries?
If the child says: Yes, I am tense. You can say: Okay, can you draw the tense look?
Whatever the problem in your child's mouth is, draw it out, okay?
The next step is to let the child slow down first, then take away the first piece of paper, give the child a second piece of paper, this time said: look at the first picture, draw on the second paper after things get better, everything is better.
So, the second piece of paper will become a painting of "everything is getting better". Of course, children don't necessarily feel that "everything has changed", they may say: I don't feel that everything has changed.
It doesn't matter, you can say: you just have to look at the first picture. Then draw things out for the better and use your imagination. Parents can wait for their child to finish drawing.
At this time, we have 2 paintings, one is a problem, and one is a good look. The third painting, like your wand, is a painting that turns Figure 1 into Figure 2. Close your eyes, what do you see, and think about what would turn Figure 1 into Figure 2?
Here's how it goes: Mom might think of a rose, and Dad told me he saw a car that could carry us around, and I don't know what you're going to see. Did you think of it? Great, now draw it down.
When the third painting is also complete, you can ask your child to look at the first painting and ask: What do you want to do with the first painting?
Maybe the child wants to knead it into a ball, throw it away, throw away the fear. Then the child can look at the second picture, take a deep breath, and maybe you will notice that the child is smiling.
They may feel a little bit better, well, Figure 3 is like our wand, and things get better when we fantasize about the picture in Figure 3, which is interesting.
It is also very easy to operate and does not take a lot of time. If your child is still very young, just draw the first two pictures, "Problem" and "Problem Getting Better".
Younger children may scribble with only one color and then use another color to paint "better look" on Figure 2, a few strokes, no problem, at least they use 2 colors, or draw different shapes.
Okay, next, you can paste the "things are getting better" picture on top of their bed, or just put it on the bed, or ask the child: Where do you want to put it? Maybe several of your children sleep in one room, such as 2 children sleeping in one room? I don't know, but as a parent you can use your imagination and let your child choose where to place it, which is one of the ways to turn fear into soothing.
Another way, and listen to me slowly. I hope I'm slow enough to say ha.
If your child is having nightmares, you can use the Hero Rescue Method, where kids have their favorite superheroes. I don't know which superhero your child likes, you first ask the child if he has a nightmare, and then ask the child to draw the nightmare, if the child is saying something else, such as: a terrible dream. Then you have to use the child's original words to express.
At this time, after your child draws the "terrible dream", give the child a piece of paper, you can say: now draw your favorite superhero, he can drive away the bad dream, if he has superpowers, you can draw the superpowers. I don't know what superpowers it is, you have to decide for yourself.
In fact, our parents have also been children, we also have our own superheroes when we were young, so you may be able to share your superheroes with your children, and maybe you have seen other superheroes when you watch TV or computers with your children before.
You can share any hero, yes, the second picture is to draw the superhero and their superpowers, and the third picture, you can let the child draw how things have changed with the help of the hero's superpowers.
Ask your child how his dreams have changed with the help of a superhero, I don't know who this superhero really is, but your child will tell you. You'll have a fun time, and by doing so, you'll relieve stress, and you'll liken your brain to a photo album on your phone.
When we take pictures, we first look at the photo we just took, and if we don't like it, what do we do? You'd delete it, right?
But before that, you have to take a look at this photo, our activity is like taking a picture: um... I don't like this picture. Delete it, and then take another one. I love this one, save! At this point, you'll save the photo.
In the same way, you will take a look first, we help children to draw things they don't like on paper, easy to throw away. Then keep the favorite picture - superhero.
The methods introduced above are all to let the child imagine things get better, draw three pictures, draw superheroes, the same, you can use these methods yourself.
Sometimes, the kids may cry, yell, lose their temper, why can't I go out? That's silly! I don't want to stay at home, I'm bored to death.
At this time, you can use your words to convey care and relief, you can comfort the child and say that this is an invisible storm, we have to stay inside to ensure safety, and we can't go out before the storm is over.
Sure, we can use our imagination to do a few other games, and there are a few things we can do, but I hope you're still listening.
But it's important that you acknowledge the child's "want to go out" emotions, and of course you want to go out.
And then explain that it's because of the storm that we have to stay in the house because the home is safe, and the home is where we can stay together, safe, okay?
If you have guests or other relatives in your home, mention them in your words, which will give your child a sense of security. Words like "safe" also convey the message "This is safe" to children.
So we want to say something like that, and I guess I'm thinking, I feel like we're eating vitamins, and we don't know where we're going to go after eating it, right?
But when we eat vitamins or other healthy foods, it enters us and makes us healthy and powerful, and our words have the same power. So when you say , "Mommy is here / Daddy is here / We're together" and so on, no matter what you say, it will bring a sense of security to everyone.
In addition, we can also do an activity, the name of this activity is: create memory bottles.
All you need is a blank piece of paper, and if not, use your imagination to do it! I'm just giving you some reference methods, simple and easy creative methods that only require paper and pencil.
You can say to your child: Let's create a memory bottle, I know you must remember something that you liked and happened outside your home.
First of all, let the child draw the outline of a bottle on the paper, any shape can be, round, conventional, as long as the child thinks OK. That's it. You can also do one yourself, and it is fun to do activities with your children.
These are the activities we're talking about that you can do with your kids. It seems to be guiding the child, but in fact it is also helping yourself.
After the child draws the outline of the bottle, let the child draw the good memories of playing outside the home on the paper, which can be a picture of playing with friends, a picture of playing football on the football team, maybe your child likes to play football, maybe they like to run, it can be playing in the garden.
I do not know. Whatever it is, but your child knows. Children can draw good outdoor memories in a bottle on paper, thus realizing that we can integrate external things into our memories, and memories are very powerful.
After the painting, the child can be given three so-called "magical happy breaths". You can show your child how to do it this way, and we can absorb good memories. Breathing absorbs memories. Keep your hands on your hands.
You can imagine going to your favorite place, imagining whatever you like, all the things you want to see, touch, hear and smell, your favorite place is in your heart, like putting a memory in a bottle, you put the memory into your heart, and when you want to remember it again, you can put your hand on your heart and think about your memory bottle.
Then open your eyes, go back to the child, and tell the child: Great, look at your memory bottle, everything you want is in it. Now, you can hang the painting in any place, or organize the paintings several times into a book, this kind of activity is not only done once, you can do it several times.
Again, it's helpful to do these things with your child, and families can do these activities together or even turn it into a sign, a family activity. Each family member makes a memory bottle and simply draws it down.
Because I don't know if there are empty bottles ready at home, and we don't need real bottles, but we all have imaginations, we all have paper and pencil, don't we. If you only have very small paper, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter if you have a large piece of paper, you can use whatever you have on hand.
Sometimes parents ask, what symptoms should I pay attention to in my child? What should I do if some terrible symptoms appear? When should I seek psychological support?
Yes, of course you can, I know people may not be able to get out, but you can call the CNPT Game Therapy Center or counseling hotline, call their number, or find other professionals you know.
So, when to find a professional? I recommend taking action when the child exhibits extreme unusual behavior, noting that it is "extreme". Everybody gets angry, kids get angry, you all know.
But as a parent, you're the child's mom or dad, or the caregiver, or someone else who's around the child, you know, you know your child better than anyone else, so when your child is really angry, or has serious sleep problems, dietary problems, you can seek the doctor's help. To make sure the child has no problems, this is a must do.
You may also observe signs, such as children who have been trained to go to the toilet, who no longer wet their pants, but have regressed, "degenerating" a little. This is caused by anxiety and is a normal phenomenon. But if you still want to seek help at this time, you can contact your family doctor (or other doctor) or call the CNPT Game Therapy Center. They know the child very well, and the game is the child's language.
So when we "speak" our child's language, it helps, and if you can't go out, you can operate it on the computer
Remember, this is a sudden invisible storm.
3.
How can we improve the parent-child relationship?
How can you maintain a good relationship?
Hope the above content is helpful to you.
A lot has happened in this outbreak and is still going on.
It's hard for parents, and you may be wondering: How do you improve the parent-child relationship? How can you maintain a good relationship? Especially when stress and problems ensue.
I'll introduce some ways to show you how to maintain a healthy attachment and maintain a sense of bonding with each other.
Connection is the meaning of attachment, right, that we are closely connected, isn't it? We'll use the key to hit the door, and you turn the key and open the door. And the key needed for attachment is the kind that makes you feel closely connected to the child, and the child feels closely connected to you, which is a key to open that door, and I like to call it the door of the heart, because I myself am a person who pursues the "heart".
The next activity I'm going to introduce is great, just need to use what is bound to be in the family, that is, watch childhood photos or family photos with children, and children like to look at their baby photos, watch their childhood.
You can tell a story related to each picture. This is a great way to make easy connections. You can find out old photos, whatever. You can even find out your own photos, those taken with your parents when you were very young. Or a photo of a relative going to a relative's house on vacation in a certain year, you can tell the stories behind the photos, and these stories are good and can make us feel better.
Stories are like mental vitamins, keep us healthy, you can tell some happy funny stories, funny stories behind old photos, a lot of things that happen when you're on vacation. Let's say you're driving and your halfway tires run out of air; for example, your train is late, but you end up getting to your destination.
These are all good stories, because although there are obstacles in the middle, real obstacles, you still overcome the obstacles and go to the destination. This is the same as our current epidemic situation, at the moment, we have to stay at home to ensure safety, we dare not go out, this is the obstacle.
But after the storm, we are still looking forward to seeing the rainbow, which is our goal. It is also our hope.
So what else can be done?
After flipping through the old photos and telling the story, you can also make their favorite dishes with your family, and you can use any recipe. Now is a good time to get the recipe out, you can bake cookies, make bread, make soup, or whatever food your child likes.
Remember, ask your child what they want to eat, it will give them a sense of control. In the current situation, we seem to have lost the feeling of "control", but the "sense of control" has always been in our hearts.
Remember, we can't control the outside world, but we can always control the inner world. This is important, not only to control, but also to develop a sense of control. That's mental toughness.
When we feel strong, we need to continue to cultivate the source of strength in our hearts, families can take turns adding ingredients to this dish, do not have to worry about the last mess, children will often mess around, but "cleaning" these messy things is also a metaphor, our lives are sometimes not also a mess? This is something we cannot stop.
But we'll clean it up later and the family will go and clean it up together. Therefore, families can indulge in their favorite ingredients and stir. You can also tell the story behind this recipe, which is a good option, maybe you learned it from a book, a cookbook, or your grandma or aunt or someone very interesting. This is a special dish.
You can turn it into a fun activity without stress, which can also be a simple side dish. Or just a simple pat on a cucumber, as long as your family likes it.
Kids of any age can do this activity, of course, 2 months old is a little too small. But you can still hold him and cook, or let him be next to you, because the cooking tastes delicious!
Okay, now we have two activities, one is to read a photo album and the other is to cook together
The third activity is to draw something that makes you feel happy inside. Then, tell some of the stories that are connected behind it.
You can first draw the shape of a heart, and then draw something inside the "heart" that makes you feel happy inside, and you can also write!
The Chinese characters I learned are very beautiful, the calligraphy Chinese is like painting, and every Chinese character I learn has a story behind it, and a lot of meanings, and I love Chinese characters. I also encourage parents to use your Chinese language, to use the resources that you already have, it is very wonderful, very wonderful. And they will also make the child feel better, they will make the child feel good.
Okay, you first draw the shape of a heart, and then you draw the things in it that make you happy. Like vitamins, you are absorbing these things from your mind, making you feel harmonious, safe, comfortable, and happy, and that although you cannot control the outside world, you are safe inside. Good things are always with you.
What else can we do next?
Now we have things that make us happy in our hearts by looking at photo albums, cooking, and painting.
The next activity I recommend may make you think I'm crazy, but it's a really fun activity, and that's – singing/playing music. You can play your favorite music, you can play it on the computer, you can also play it with a home instrument, such as a drum, I don't know what you have in your house, but anyway, singing and swinging. Gentle swings like this will resonate with you.
You can hold your child and sing a song, just like you did as a child, you can sing all kinds of songs, or swing to the music.
If the child is older, you can hold the child's hand, swing with you, sing together, sometimes we have to step out of the comfort zone, maybe you are a successful business person in your daily life, but now you can't go out. You need to let go of your inner "childish" self and connect with your child.
It's also healthy for you because you want to take care of yourself, you're the caregiver of mom, dad or child, it's like, imagine us pouring out of a painting, and if it's empty, there's nothing to pour out.
Therefore, all my simple advice, both for children and for yourself, hopes to be useful to you.
Finally, there is a question, what kind of games can I play with my children?
Games that are not difficult to implement can be something very simple. I would like to introduce you to my favorite game, a game that I have been playing with children all these years. I encourage parents to play this game, it's very simple, and you've probably played it before.
Okay, let's find a gadget on hand first, I don't know, I'll see what's right on hand, I have something to look at, it seems a little messy here, it can be anything.
Found, there is a little turtle here, my favorite is the turtle toy, I have collected all kinds of turtles, I want to hide it. I might hide it in a throw pillow, in a pillow, under a stool, under a couch, under a table, and so on.
It's a hide-and-seek game of hiding gadgets, you can hide anything. Then you take turns looking for this thing, one hiding and one person looking, like peekaboo.
Whether you live in a big house or a small apartment, it doesn't matter how big your home is. You can always find small things to hide, and you can let your child actively choose the items to hide. Maybe they have something they want to play, it's a very simple game, and you can hide several items.
I once had a girl visitor who liked to hide five or six things at once, and she just liked to tease me.
The step of hiding things is very fun, and then you look for, when looking, we have to count down, for example, when your child hides things, you can use a timer or directly shout the number to count down, you can decide the length of the countdown. If your child is very young, 30 seconds may be a long time. Otherwise, you can also make your own decisions for a minute, that is, hide from cats, hide things, and find things.
Another benefit of the game is that it actually contains a metaphor, a metaphor hidden in the game of "hide-and-seek" – as if it "found" what is important to us.
Every time we find something, we can say: Oh! You found it! Wow, great, I'm so good at hiding, you're so smart.
Notice the way I speak, we're using words to encourage them to find what they're looking for.
That's all I'm going to share with you in the video. Whatever the content under the question, it may inspire you to create your own creative activities, and every activity I mentioned requires only the participation of you and your children, as well as the items available at home, whether you live in a big house or a small apartment.
I hope to be able to help you, as well as to bring comfort and support to you and your children during this important day when the pandemic is raging, and I hope that we will soon be able to meet again to celebrate the end of this invisible storm and find the rainbow we crave together, in fact, we have always been there.
Thank you again for taking the time to listen and bless you, and remember that no matter how you pray, the prayer itself is meaningful.
Illustration: pixabay\pikrepo
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