Photography by Yang Mengli
The epidemic has come and gone, and with the passage of time, many people have gradually adapted to the normalization of epidemic prevention. However, for those who have to stick to important positions during the epidemic, their lives have been more deeply affected, and even the relationship between parents and children has been tested with the prolongation of the epidemic. Especially those families where both husband and wife are unable to take care of their children for a long time in order to be loyal to their duties, they need to pay more attention to the psychological changes of their children.
Parents can't go home and children become dull
Another wave of COVID-19 hit in early 2022. While the people of the whole country, under the leadership of the party and the government, have gone all out to fight the epidemic, everyone has also felt different degrees of pressure. Some people may be anxious because some rhythm in normal life suddenly slows down, changes, and pauses; some people may become sluggish and lose their due vigilance because of the continuous repetition of the epidemic; and some people who shoulder important epidemic prevention responsibilities bear unimaginable pressure and face various difficulties, but they have been going against the trend, bleeding, sweating, and even paying their lives, they are the heroes of this era.
When I was on the reception hotline, I was always exposed to some relevant examples, some of which touched me, some of which made me feel sad.
For example, an old man told me about the difficulties he faced as a grandfather during the epidemic:
The old man's son and daughter-in-law are engaged in important work to protect the national economy and people's livelihood, and the old man is very proud and proud of them. However, due to the particularity of work, from the beginning of the epidemic to the present, they have always maintained a reciprocating cycle of "closed work - home isolation - closed work - home isolation". In order to prevent the introduction of infectious factors into the workplace, even when they return home, they must consciously maintain a relatively isolated state and reduce public and social activities. Especially whenever the epidemic situation is serious, in order to reduce the flow of personnel, the unit may temporarily stop the work rotation. This means that those who are on duty in the unit have been locked in it for a long time, and they can only work hard to ensure social stability while silently waiting for the news of the easing of the epidemic.
Due to the sudden arrival of this year's epidemic, the old man's son and daughter-in-law were sealed in the unit at the same time, and there was no news of rotation for a long time. My granddaughter, who is in the 6th grade of elementary school, has been living with her grandfather. At first, the grandchildren got along quite well, but as the days grew longer and longer, they did not see their parents for a long time, and the granddaughter began to gradually become tantrumed, and then became dull and did not like to talk, and now she simply shut herself in the house and did not come out, and refused to answer her parents' calls.
Grandpa was very worried about the child, and he could hear his anxiety from the phone: "What if the child is sick?" Seeing her like this, I have been urging my son and daughter-in-law to quickly find a way to come back, and if I don't come back, I will have no way. ”
Let the child feel the attention of the parents
I talked about my views on the old man's question.
This change in the child is likely to be related to the failure to fulfill the promises of the parents again and again. When parents talk to their children on the phone, they may want to comfort their children and express their desire to go home as soon as possible, so they always say: "It's almost fast." "But there are some things that are involuntary, and the day of returning home is repeatedly delayed."
Such things happen more often, and the result is that the child is disappointed again and again, and may even feel that the parents do not care about themselves. Her behavior of shutting herself in the house and not answering the phone is itself more like to be seen by her parents and get attention.
For such a young child, blind reasoning may not solve the problem. So I suggest that both parents and grandparents should first adjust their emotions, because emotions can be quickly "contagious".
If adults are overly nervous and anxious, it will inevitably increase the child's insecurity, coupled with the complaints, blames, etc. revealed in the communication process, it is easy for the child to feel abandoned, helpless, powerless, and more hurt.
It also reminds me of the beginning of the pandemic when a group of children were infected and needed isolation treatment. At that time, although most parents were worried about their children, their emotions were relatively stable, which was very helpful for stabilizing their children's emotions. But some parents are nervous and easy to ignore this, and there is a mother seen in the online video, while watching her child leave in protective clothing, crying and shouting to rush forward. I fully understand this parent's feelings, but she may not realize that her state of affairs has only increased the child's insecurity.
In addition, when grandparents communicate with their children on a daily basis, or when parents talk to their children on video, in addition to adjusting their emotions as much as possible, they also need to fully accept the children's emotions as much as possible. Let the child be able to speak, cry, shout out, and tell the child in words and behaviors: "Parents understand her, see her, she is a very normal, good child who loves mom and dad." ”
Secondly, it is recommended that when grandparents communicate with their children, they should express a point of view and attitude from the bottom of their hearts: "Your parents are ordinary people, but in the face of this epidemic change, sticking to the job for the safety of society and the public is a real hero." Grandparents are proud to have such a son and daughter-in-law. Your mom and dad can stick to it without your support. "Even children with low levels of cognition are able to feel the effects of positive emotions.
In addition to the above, you can also encourage and support children through school teachers, so that children feel that their parents' efforts have been more respected, which helps them to look at the experience positively.
The author is Liu Yuanchao, President of Tianjin Legal Psychology And Professor of Psychology