Text/Su Xin
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Someone once lamented: "What we pursue all our lives is nothing more than a marriage with peace of mind." "But often, marriage is always full of variables, and it may be unexpected by you and catch you off guard."
The second year of the friend's marriage to the in-laws, he gave birth to a cute baby to his husband. I thought that the in-laws who had retired would take the initiative to help her with the child, but the mother-in-law believed that when the child was young, it was best to be brought by her parents, and the next generation would dote on the child.
Therefore, under the repeated requests of the mother-in-law, the friend had to do a full-time mother. But what she did not expect was that soon after, the in-laws went to the sister-in-law's house, they helped the sister-in-law to bring up the child, she heard the mother-in-law on the phone to the sister-in-law's serious words, saying that a woman must not be without a job, lose her job, and lose her family status.
Later, the friend really lost his family status because he was a full-time mother, and the husband would occasionally hide the bonus income, which was intolerable to the friend no matter what. So she told her mother-in-law about this, but her mother-in-law told her that women have to be confused about their lives, which man does not have private money.
After the mother-in-law said this, she really thought that she had no pattern and was too small and feminine, but when she heard her mother-in-law tell her sister-in-law on the phone that a woman must not be wronged in marriage, otherwise the other party will ignore you more and more.
At this point, the friend finally understood that the mother-in-law was superficially good to her, but in fact she had been favoring her son.
A wise mother-in-law will treat her daughter-in-law as a daughter, even if she is just pretending in front of her daughter-in-law, which is also a kind of comfort for her daughter-in-law. However, the friend's mother-in-law has repeatedly instilled two ideas in her, one is that women should give up their careers for the sake of the family, and the other is that women should be tolerant and cannot be more truthful.
So, if in marriage, your mother-in-law asks you to do two things: give up on yourself and compromise with a man, then she must not want you to live well.
01
It has been said that the essence of marriage is an equivalent exchange. If a woman lives without herself, then even if she gives more to marriage, she has little value to men.
For example, women are full-time mothers in order to take care of their children, and on the surface it seems that men themselves are making money to support their families, while women only need to stay at home to take care of children, but in fact, taking care of children is no simpler than going out to work, and even it is much more complicated than working outside.
And men and the family behind him will not think so, they will think that it is only men who are paying for the family, so the woman is in this marital relationship, in a passive position.
So, in marriage, no matter what, women should not give up knowing me, and must learn to be themselves.
In the TV series "The First Half of My Life", Luo Zijun, as a housewife, is far better than Xiaosan Lingling in terms of education, age and appearance, but why does Chen Junsheng have to abandon Luo Zijun and choose Lingling? A big reason for this is that Luo Zijun gave up her career at the beginning, and she positioned herself as a housewife who was only "responsible for being beautiful as a flower".
And when she gradually lost her age advantage and her beauty was gradually eroded by the years, she could no longer come up with the same conditions as Chen Junsheng, an elegant, mature and profitable man. Even, because she had been a housewife for so long, she forgot how to tie her husband's heart.
Because without a career, the economy will not be independent, so when the storm of feelings hits her, she has no ability to fight it, and can only resign herself to fate.
A woman, if she doesn't have independent financial means in her marriage, will sooner or later be in a weak position, and don't believe that a man will always keep his promises, because, when weighing the pros and cons, people will forget the promises far behind.
Therefore, smart women will not give up on themselves because of love and family, on the contrary, they will work harder to achieve themselves for love and marriage, and only by making themselves better and better and more valuable, others dare not easily do things that hurt and betray you, because he has to pay a huge cost for this.
Women should understand that sacrificing themselves in exchange for the fulfillment of marriage, let alone the gratitude of the other party, on the contrary, doing so can only make themselves more and more devalued, more and more passive.
02
There is a saying on the Internet that says it very well: "Live with dignity, love with backbone, be principled in life, and have a bottom line in doing things." Only in this way can we call ourselves human beings, can we love others, and can we be ourselves. ”
How do people lose themselves? It is to lose oneself in a little bit of breaking one's own principles and bottom lines.
As the Internet says, if you don't stick to your principles, someone will constantly challenge your bottom line, especially in marriage.
Just like if you choose to be a housewife in order to complete the family, soon someone will ask you to take over all the housework in the family, and then someone will hate that the cost is too large, and finally every penny you spend seems to have to be reported to the family. And you need to endure far more than that, you also have to endure his impatience and even disgust with you.
To stick to principles and bottom lines, as a woman, you must first learn to say no, refuse to accept unreasonable demands, and refuse to accept things that you can't stand.
The friend said that because her husband concealed the bonus and was covered by her mother-in-law, although she was very angry, she did not strongly express her attitude, so later her husband successively did a series of things that she could not stand, such as he went behind her back to invest in futures and lost a sum of money, and also lied to her in a dignified manner, until he did something out of the ordinary, the friend decided to give up this marriage that made her feel humiliated.
Therefore, women must make their position clear at the beginning, tell others your bottom line and principles, when the other party tries to challenge it, you must resolutely say no, others will not dare to violate you again, otherwise you will always be a person who can be challenged, and they will continue to make more excessive demands.
In the TV series "The First Half of My Life", Luo Zijun later agreed to divorce, and the house and children were awarded to her. However, Ling Ling, who had successfully ascended to the throne, began to instigate Chen Junsheng to return to the house, so she used a bitter plan. Ling Ling, who thought that she had a chance to win, did not expect that after He Han's guidance, Luo Zijun was no longer the woman who could bargain casually, and when she said that she would talk for ten minutes, Luo Zijun would not give her more than one minute, saying that she would exchange half a million yuan for a house, naturally not a penny less, otherwise there would be no need to talk.
It is precisely because of Luo Zijun's persistence that he has won the rights and interests that should have belonged to him.
Many women want to know the secret of being able to maintain happiness, in fact, as long as you can always be yourself, maintain financial independence, do things with a bottom line and principles, life will not be worse, even if you meet a non-good person, you also have the ability to turn around gorgeously.
END.