Obviously, tell the child not to eat and play at the same time, the child just can't hear.
Obviously repeatedly reminded the child to sit up straight when writing homework, and the child fell down again when he turned his head.
You let the child pack up the toys and he ignores them.
You tell him not to be picky eaters, he still doesn't eat this, he doesn't eat that.
Parents are very mad about this" Why do I remind my children every day that they still make mistakes repeatedly? Is this deliberately me off? ”
Before we figure out your child's behavior, please do an experiment with me.
Now, please close your eyes. Beware! Don't think about a pink elephant, don't think about a pink elephant, don't think about a pink elephant.
After 5 minutes, tell me what's on your mind?
Is there always a pink elephant that comes to mind?
This is the famous "pink elephant" effect in psychology.
George Lekaoff, a professor of language at the University of California, told students in class, "Please don't think about pink elephants!" "Please don't think about pink elephants!" "Please don't think about that pink elephant anymore!"
However, the students found that the more the teacher said this, the more involuntarily they thought about the pink elephant.
The more you don't think about anything, the more your brain will think about it. So, when you repeatedly remind your child "No! "No!" "No, you can't!" When the time comes, the child will think and do what you don't let him do uncontrollably.
When parents repeatedly remind their children, they often have a negative and accusatory tone, and we constantly remind children, "You did not do a good job" and "You did this wrong".
As a result, the child's brain is constantly repeating these negative contents, and even involuntarily repeating these wrong behaviors and actions.
The child helped to serve the plate, and the mother immediately said, "You are unstable, don't beat the plate." "The child thinks, "Yes, I will break the plate" and even the picture of breaking the plate will appear;
When the child is picky, when the mother criticizes him, the child will think "Yes, I don't like to eat this, I don't like to eat that, I am a picky eater."
There is a "labeling" effect in psychology, when a person is labeled, he will make self-impression management, so that his behavior is consistent with the content of the label.
In fact, it is the "pink elephant" that is at work. The "pink elephant" appears in the child's mind over and over again, becoming clearer and deeper, and eventually internalized as part of the child's thoughts and becoming the child's personality.
The children are getting worse and worse, and the parents are getting more and more crazy.
The "pink elephant" can have a negative effect or a positive effect, and smart parents can do so if they want their children to really make a difference.
Praise your child more
Hong Kong girl Yip Became the World's Youngest CEO at the age of 13. She developed a language learning app and won the first prize in the entrepreneurship competition.
Ye said that what she is most grateful for is the support and trust of her parents. And the mother also responded that "parents should encourage their children more, let her do everything, let her do it." ”
Psychologists say that children's needs for adults are nothing more than motivated, acknowledged, affirmed and responded positively.
On the way to the child's growth, the recognition and encouragement of parents is a person full of positive energy."
Pink Elephant", it is the strongest force for children to grow, so that children become more and more confident, more and more determined.
Be clear about what your child should do
We always criticize children for not doing well, and that is not doing right, but we have never thought about it, have we ever taught children what to do?
When you yell at the child, "How did you make such a mess of the room?" What you want is that the child can clean the room, but the child's heart will only think, "What to do, what to do?" What to do? "What comes out is the look that makes you angry: sluggish, flustered, even indifferent.
In the face of this situation, parents should say "The room is so messy, let's clean it together!" Then clearly tell the child how to pack up the toys, how to classify the toys, how to sweep the floor and wipe the table, and so on.
Only after the child understands what I should do and what I should do, and then the parents issue instructions later, the child will not be overwhelmed, but will happily accept and act.
To educate children, we cannot think of it as a child's problem one-size-fits-all, and regard the child's unresponsiveness and inaction as a manifestation of their disobedience and resistance.
Instead, we must find the reasons from within, dig out the roots, and truly know the child and understand the child; another method, another angle, and a method that is more in line with the child's psychological growth can correctly guide the child and educate the child.