As a family education instructor, over the years, I have contacted and guided many parents, for them, every time they grow and transform, everyone has their own wonderful feelings.
Here, I share their harvest with you, hoping that you can get some inspiration from it.
If there is a little bit that can be used in the education of us and our children, it is the best.
My surname is Lee and I have a 3-year-old male baby.
Because my father has been away for many years, in the past few years, I have taken care of the baby like a single mother.
Before the change, the baby has begun to go to the small class, usually fine, but on the weekend that is the day of women's singles, the baby is a little bit dissatisfied with me is a violent beating.
If the relationship between us is a mother-child relationship, it is because the baby needs me, and there is no warm sense of interaction. It's just my idea of feeding him.
At that time, the baby was as timid as a mouse, afraid to speak, afraid to express his own meaning. The teacher's label for the baby is: independent and sensible, but shy and unable to talk, unable to communicate. The only words spoken by the 3-year-old baby are dad, mom, uncle, grandma, don't. Few.
(Ting Dad wants to say: Where is this independent and sensible, it is clear that he is scared, he does not dare to show a little self, behind the "obedience", it is the introverted timidity and developmental delay of the inside)
Your baby doesn't talk, so cute
Many people will say when they see the baby, your baby does not speak? It was lovely! I was speechless.
Later, when I joined the embrace of the future, I think the biggest change I have changed is to give the baby the nutrition of love.
Whenever the baby is unhappy, the first action is to take the baby into his arms naturally and silently comfort him.
I never take the baby's non-talk to heart, but will try to seize every moment of our interaction and let the baby say it himself. Slowly found that the baby began to talk a lot, and then saw that no one else said that your baby did not speak.
I remember when I was about to have winter vacation, I sent a message to the class teacher and asked, how is the baby doing? The class teacher said that Kun Kun has made great progress recently, loves to talk, is more lively and cheerful, and he is the most highest playing in the class. You can imagine how happy and fulfilled I was at that moment.
One of the biggest things I grew up after studying was the unconditional acceptance of my baby. After learning the rules of dealing with emotions, at first I just tried to accept the baby, and then I basically accepted the baby habitually.
I still remember one day, we went out with the neighbors, when the baby was a little active, walking around, unable to quiet down, the neighbor said with a disgusted face: You don't know how you bring the baby, you have to let the baby know what the rules are, here a lot of cars walking back and forth is very dangerous, you are a motherfucker!
Still learning to raise children? gab!
I listened to it at the time, and to be honest, it was very uncomfortable, but I quickly accepted it, accepting the baby and accepting the kindness of the neighbors.
Until later, the neighbor kept saying that if I did this next time, I would directly beat the child!
I said okay, if you really dare to beat my child, then I will call the police unceremoniously. Your rules I will start to enforce, the child is active that is his nature, we do not need to kill, if this does not work that can not work, then please ask the 3-year-old child what do you want him to do? Do you want him to stay where he is? Besides, I'm a single mother, and if I only give him blackface, wouldn't his entire childhood be black? Is that what we want? The neighbors agreed with me.
(Ting Dad wants to say: parenting is easy to change from one extreme to another, Li Baoma's attitude towards babies has changed very much, and children, in the process, he will do some tentative actions, such as this matter, the neighbor's statement is also reasonable.) Fortunately, as the learning progressed, these were adjusted. ）
Don't mom, this sentence makes me very happy after the loss
Before learning, the baby has a lot of negative emotions, and after learning, the baby becomes bold to express his inner emotions.
Many times the baby is wronged, with negative emotions, I will accompany the baby to vent the emotions together, remember that we completed this whole process, at the beginning the baby is silently crying, alone to bear.
Later, he began to hit me, and then he squeezed his fists and sweated to vent his emotions, and now it is any baby who will be the first to come to me and share it with me.
I remember one night, the baby did not want to take a bath, I forced the baby to undress and start to bathe, the baby was very unhappy to say: "No mother, no mother!" ”
That was the first time I heard the baby's inner cry, if it is more of a loss should be joy, very happy that he shared his innermost feelings with his mother.
So I would immediately follow him: "Don't you want a mother?" Who's going to do that? Want a dad? "Baby says baby! hehe! Especially happy!
I remember once I hit the baby, the next day the baby got up and put his face on my face for a long time, about 2 minutes or more, I was a little surprised at the time, I asked: "Why did the baby suddenly stick to the mother's face"? The baby replied, "Mom beats baby." Me: "Oh well, mom is wrong, mom apologizes to you, mom hit someone wrong, mom will try not to hit you in the future, okay?" ”
The baby smiled happily!
(When the child is able to release his true disposition in front of his mother, the mother understands this and feels happy, which is right!) A child who does not dare to say what he really thinks, he will always be very depressed, fortunately, his mother helped him out. ）
From enemies to baby favorites, this change confuses dads
Before learning, my relationship with the baby before was a bit like an enemy, this point Dad especially touched, before the video with Dad, Dad is always nagging: What's wrong with the baby? Why are you always unhappy? Did you hit the child?
I would answer dismissively: fight if you don't obey.
But after studying, with the father video, the baby may not interact too much with the father, but he will always come over from time to time to give the father a grimace, and then kiss me, as if to show the father mother love, huh.
At this time, the father will be a little jealous of us, the father will say, how can the baby be so happy? Did you buy him a toy?
I said no, people are happy! I accompany him every day with high quality! I learned!
Dad said wow, it's so good to learn! As far as you stubborns can change themselves, it shows how good this teacher is! Now we are more like good buddies who have nothing to say and are inseparable!
I became the one who was attracted
I found myself starting to become likable, and I remember a classmate chatting with me that day, talking 2 times, and then it felt difficult to talk, he said he couldn't talk to me.
Later, I began to reflect on myself embracing the future of learning, I began to accept what he said, and then affirmed and encouraged him, which was very strange, and then I listened to him wholeheartedly. Then he said how did you suddenly change and improve? How did it get so good to me? Listen to me so much. Thank you!
Later, a fellow talked to me, and she said that she didn't know what it meant to be alive, nothing.
I said, no, you are already very good, but the current epidemic has affected many aspects, comb yourself well, find a position to continue to move forward.
Later we had a good conversation, and the fellow could clearly feel that my concern for her was genuine. I became liked, and I learned to accept unconditionally, affirm and encourage without any judgment. But I used to feel a little uncomfortable.
(Ting Dad wants to say: When you can accept others, you begin to accept yourself, people are always imperfect, and they will always judge others, and when you let go of all this, you become yourself.) No more burdens and excessive pain)
I still remember chatting with a friend that day, he said that I did not have a sense of awe, at that time I was not very clear about what the heart of awe means, I deliberately checked it on the Internet, and later felt very uncomfortable after understanding. Because that's not my intention, it's just that the message I pass on to others is like that. It feels very uncomfortable.
Later, I communicated with the teacher, shared the current situation, and chatted with others, I would grab the conversation, grab the limelight, and also care about the eyes of others. The teacher is particularly emotionally intelligent, and he very euphemistically said that he was looking for a sense of existence.
At that time, I asked, why do I want to have a sense of existence? Is that inferiority?
The teacher is more emotionally intelligent and has a famous saying: everyone will have a sense of inferiority!
Later, I began to dissect why I had low self-esteem, and began to reminisce like a movie from the beginning of my memory, and it was strange that the tears had been in my eyes for about 2 or 3 days.
It hurt me, it was really sad. It's like having the feeling of standing neatly in front of the public in my usual clothes, suddenly stripped naked and standing naked in the crowd of people coming and going, and this shock makes me unable to face myself.
Slowly, I began to face it, and I told myself that it was not that I did not respect others, but that I was actually pitiful.
Throughout my upbringing, I didn't have much love at all.
Original family and later campus life and then love, I got very little love, so that others gave me a little benefit, I will be particularly touched to touch. After peeling myself off layer by layer, the whole person was particularly relaxed, and then I accepted myself calmly, and later found that I didn't seem to be grabbing talk and grabbing the limelight. As for the right and wrong of others, it seems to be indifferent.
(The emotions, release and reconciliation brought by the original family, so that Li Baoma finally found her true self)
Before I learned to raise a baby, I was alone and alone.
Now, for the first time, I'm starting to wake up.
About yourself, then find the original self, then face it, and finally find the direction of the future. This is one of the most rewarding things in embracing the future of learning! Very grateful!
Finally, I would like to thank my baby for his presence that prompted me to start learning, the original purpose was simply to raise him, but in fact you can see that I am raising myself.
The appearance of the baby allowed me to have a second growth, this growth can be said to be an upgraded version of me, thank you baby! Mom loves you!! Will always love you the way you do! Let's grow together in the future!
Ting Dad, family has a 10-year-old daughter, a creator in the field of high-quality parenting, a family education instructor, a post-70s uncle, a parenting and education master who loves and thinks, welcome to pay attention, forward, like and comment, more parenting and education issues can communicate with me. Make parenting easier and education more effective