Text/Themi Mama (original article, welcome to share and forward personally)
Hello everyone, I'm Themi's mother~
If parents are allowed to vote for the problem that can most drive people crazy in the process of educating their children, then the problem of children's "rubbing and loving to procrastinate" must be on the list.
For example, my family's second treasure is usually a typical "procrastination professional household".
Get up every morning, you must be three urging four please, drive 0.5 times to get up and get dressed and wash, sometimes they are about to die of motherhood, and then look at the little ancestor, still good and wandering.
Especially when writing homework, fiddling with this for a while, going to the toilet for a while, as long as it is not dark and no one urges, it can be delayed until three changes in the middle of the night.
Many parents may encounter these problems, and even now many children, at the urging of parents, have become "old fritters", the problem of delaying and rubbing has not changed, and there is a growing trend.
Later, in order to solve this problem, I began to continuously learn some more scientific psychological methods, and after repeated deliberation and practice, I really saw some changes in the process of educating our family's second treasure.
And this change, in fact, in the final analysis, is inseparable from the 3 psychological effects, and then I will share it with you, hoping to help all kinds of parents.
01. Overrun effect: the more urgent the more resistant
In daily life, parents will always use a series of methods to promote their children to become looking forward to it.
For example, writing homework, we first urge, and then it becomes a roar, but I don't know if everyone finds that there is not, the more parents intervene, the more the child procrastinates the ink.
Psychological expert Hu Shenzhi said a paragraph about such a situation, he said: The more the mother urges, the slower the child's movements, and the slower it is to tie shoelaces, eat, and write.
The reason for this situation is mainly that the child faces the urging of his mother, and presents an emotional resistance, although it is harmful to others and himself, but it is also an expression of emotion.
This situation is actually very consistent with the psychological overrun effect.
The so-called over-limit effect refers to the psychological phenomenon of too much stimulation, too strong, or too long a period of action, which causes extreme psychological impatience or reversal.
Therefore, often in the process of constantly urging the child, the child's psychology and emotions will have a certain resistance, so that the behavior will fall into a vicious circle.
Understand this layer, we should control ourselves as much as possible, let the children take the initiative to take responsibility, and realize the importance of one thing, rather than us over-intervening.
If your child is also more and more procrastinating, you may wish to try this method, you may be able to harvest a different surprise.
02. Positioning quick-acting experiments: clarify the goal and do more with less
I have to say that today's children have a lot of academic pressure, and the homework of various subjects is also varied and stressful.
Two days ago, there was a bao mom who cried bitterly, saying that the child was taking online classes at home, and as a result, the homework assigned by the teacher was more than usual, and it was more than eleven o'clock in the middle of the night, and the child had not finished writing.
In fact, now all subjects will have homework, every day the child goes home, all kinds of fine subject homework arrangements, not to mention children, see themselves will be very stressful.
Therefore, sometimes it is not that the child is grinding and procrastinating, but seeing so many "goals" in his hands, the child does not know where to start.
Psychologists Rossi and Henry once did an experiment, that is, a positioning quick-acting experiment, to prove this phenomenon.
They divided the students into three groups and headed to the village 10 kilometres away.
The first group of students, not knowing where the village is, and not knowing how far away, and not going far with the guide, began to cry bitterly, and the more they went to the back, the more negative emotions spread.
The second group of students, knowing that the destination is 10 kilometers away, but there is no road sign in the middle, they also follow the guide, they do not know how long it will take to arrive, so some people also began to complain, and the speed of walking is getting slower and slower.
The third group, knowing where the destination is and seeing the road signs, is significantly more active, and the whole process is also very smooth.
Through this experiment, in fact, we can clearly understand that the friction and procrastination of some children is not actually a shortcoming in personality, but has a lot to do with the unclear goal.
Therefore, when I accompany my child to write homework, I will work with my child to classify the homework first, starting from simple, low-pressure subjects, first exercise the child's enthusiasm and self-confidence, and then the child completes, give some positive feedback, and let the child complete more actively.
In this way, the child needs a lot less time to complete the homework than before, and the child's mood is more stable and positive.
03. The law of natural punishment: take the initiative to take responsibility, and you pay for your actions
What is the law of natural punishment, applied to the child's daily habits and learning, is your own behavior, you have to learn to take responsibility.
Once, our family was preparing to go out together on the weekend, and as a result, Erbao was grinding in bed and couldn't get up, tossing and turning for an hour or two, and then I was very angry about this behavior, so I immediately decided to cancel the weekend family trip.
Erbao didn't understand very much, so I said to the child: "You yourself get up late, you must be responsible for the consequences of lying in bed." ”
Later, despite how Erbao cried, I also used this set of theories against him, and then every time I went out to play later, Erbao never got into bed again.
The same is true in learning, if parents always urge children to tutor children, children will treat homework and learning as if many people complete together, thereby reducing the probability of taking the initiative to take responsibility, thinking that my mother will remind me, don't worry.
Such a psychology often makes children procrastinate and rub more and more, rather than this, it is better to let children experience what they need to bear after procrastination and rubbing.
We have to tell the child that this is your own homework, not mine, nor the teacher's, so if you can't complete it, you have to bear the consequences.
Only in this way can children take these tasks on their shoulders and complete them in a planned, organized and motivated manner.
Mother Themi's message:
In fact, in the process of educating children, we will encounter various problems.
As many people say, educating a child is like walking with a snail, we must not be in a hurry, give him more patience, give him more time, let him grow slowly.
As parents, what you actually have to do is to use the correct scientific guidance method to tell them to find their own rhythm and bloom their own light.