Every naughty little boy is waiting for his mother to come into his heart.
Don't always try to control and discipline him, but use wisdom and patience to lead him step by step on the road to growth.
A while ago, I went back to my hometown, gathered with three or five friends from the student era, drank three times, and saw that the topic was going to be finished, I don't know who suddenly said a word:
"Let's talk a little longer, I really don't want to go home and face my son."
Every day he was going to die of anger. ”
A seemingly unremarkable sentence immediately set off a small climax at the dinner.
Several boy mothers have turned on the spit mode:
Some complained about their sons rubbing.
Every morning, the alarm clock went off over and over again, and the old mother roared so much that her throat was going to smoke.
But what about the son?
He can still selectively lose his hearing, stay for a while, daydream for a while, and fiddle with his toys.
Then, taking advantage of my mother's lack of attention, I fell on the bed again.
Some complained that their sons had no eyes.
Obviously, the old mother's face has changed from white to red, and then from red to green, and the little boy next to him can still jump up and down and talk nonsense without changing his face.
Others describe their son as a Demon King.
Every day is not to rummage through the boxes and cabinets, or to go to the house to uncover the tiles, it is almost a minute to go to heaven.
Hit him, your heart will hurt.
Pat the table and you will fracture.
Eventually, the angry old mother could only endure the ovarian cyst for a while and take a step back from breast hyperplasia.
At the end of the conversation, the boys' mothers were eager to hold their headaches and cry.
In fact, there are no children in this world who can't teach well, only parents who can't teach.
There's a saying that goes something like this:
"It's not scary that kids have problems.
The terrible thing is that parents who are the leaders of their children's lives lack the correct concept of tutoring and the method of teaching their children. ”
In the process of growing up, if the mother can correctly apply the following 4 golden education rules, she will be able to find the most correct way to raise boys.
In the process of fighting wits with their sons, many parents found that boys always "do not enter the oil and salt":
Urging him, yelling at him, threatening him, all to no avail.
Even sometimes, he scolded and beat him fiercely, and he would do it again next time.
In fact, it is not because the boy wants to deliberately anger his parents.
But because boys' serotonin levels are about 52% higher than those of girls, boys look less heartless and more likely to forget the punishment they have received.
Facing boys who "don't change" and making them aware of their mistakes is more important than severe punishment.
As the French Enlightenment thinker Rousseau said:
The punishment of a child should be the natural result of his negligence.
The lesson he learned was deeper than empty preaching and violent scolding, and letting the boy taste the bitter fruit of "self-inflicted suffering":
For example, the son could not get up from bed and was almost late.
His mother urged him to be late once, and honestly accepted the teacher's criticism.
For example, in the cold winter month, my son did not want to wear cotton clothes.
No matter how sternly his mother warned him, it was better to let him freeze for a while. When he can't stand the biting cold wind, he will naturally change into warm clothes.
If you don't want the boy to "hear a lot of truths, but still can't live this life", then let him face it, to experience, to correct, to grow.
Only when he personally tastes the pain of punishment, the pit he has stepped on in the past will become the road under his feet in the future.
When there is a conflict with the mother, the painting style of the girl and the boy is often very different:
A six- or seven-year-old girl can usually express her point of view clearly and communicate with her mother.
Ultimately, a consensus is reached.
But boys who are about the same age often only cry.
No matter what his mother said, he turned it over and over with a "bad mother", adding at most a sentence of "I don't want it".
In fact, this is because the Broca area of the girl's brain is usually more active.
Correspondingly, the ability to express and understand language is also stronger.
And if the boy mother wants her son who is born late to be obedient and "obedient", he must learn the "Rappoport Law" proposed by the world-famous game theory expert Rappot:
The first step is to repeat the child's point of view and let the child realize that we have understood his idea;
The second step is to put forward the part of the child's point of view that we recognize, so that the child feels understood;
The third step is to tell the child what we have learned from their point of view, and let the child understand that we are not enemies, but teammates who are in the same camp as them;
The fourth step is to raise an opposing point of view and give a good reason.
I remember once, when I was eating out, I witnessed a "textbook" mother-child communication.
That restaurant is nice.
There are rockeries, there are small bridges, and there are a few goldfish in the water.
When a little boy saw it, he squatted on the ground and fished with his hands, and when he found that he could not catch it, he went to find his mother:
"Mom, help me catch goldfish."
Instead of criticizing him, mom squatted down and said softly:
"Does Xuan Xuan want a little goldfish?" (Recapital)
Because I see the little goldfish cute, I want it to come home with you, don't you? (Expressing Understanding)
Mom also thinks the little goldfish is cute and wants to stay with it for a while. (Stand on the same footing as your child)
But Xuan Xuan, you see, the little goldfish also has a father and mother. If you fish it out, it will be lonely and its mom and dad will be sad. (Raise objections and give reasons)
What happens if Xuan Xuan leaves Mom and Dad? ”
The boy thought for a moment and said to the goldfish:
"Goodbye, little goldfish, be obedient when you're with mom and dad."
Then he took his mother's hand and left.
During the whole process, the mother did not yell loudly, and the son did not cry annoyingly.
When dealing with boys who are not good at words, mothers must pay attention to communication methods.
Once the method is right, the repetition, understanding, and recognition are in place, and the "unenlightened" boy can become a sensible, docile little cotton jacket.
You can often see a message like this in the background:
"Tiger Mother, what to do?"
I feel that since my son entered adolescence, he has become a 'powder keg' and explodes without a word.
And the more he disciplined him, the more rebellious he became. ”
Studies have found that boys' prefrontal lobes develop more slowly and are more impulsive than girls.
Coupled with the action of testosterone, they seem to be born warriors.
At this time, if the parents are tough with them, they will only lose both in the end.
As a classic parable goes:
"The north wind and the south wind bet to see who has the strength to take off the coats of the pedestrians."
The more violently the north wind blows, the tighter the pedestrians wrap their clothes;
The south wind blows slowly, making people feel like a spring breeze, and eventually, pedestrians take off their coats. ”
When it comes to raising boys, the "South Wind Rule" also works:
If parents think about how to suppress and control their children all day long, they become the "north wind" in the fable, and the final result is that the children become more and more rebellious.
In one show, Deng Chao talked about his adolescence.
As a teenager, he was once synonymous with "rebellion", piercing his ears, dyeing his hair, running away from home, and fighting against his parents everywhere.
When parents saw Deng Chao like this, they wanted to "wake up" their son.
Once, because his parents beat him again, Deng Chao ran away from home in a fit of anger.
A man ran to Guangzhou.
Seeing that their son was gone, the parents were so anxious that they couldn't sleep all night.
To this end, his parents were determined to change the way they used to be educated, and when they saw that Deng Chao liked to perform, they took the initiative to encourage him to take the test:
Try it, what if luck goes?
"If not, let's visit Beijing and see the Great Wall!"
In this way, the parents regained their son's heart, and Deng Chao also walked out of the lost path of youth.
Every boy will eventually become a mature, sane, and powerful man.
The premise is that he should never be suppressed with a stormy education.
A calm and gentle attitude that works wonders for adolescent boys.
There is a famous law of education in the United States, the twenty-yard rule.
Among them, "twenty yards" is a symbol, representing that parents and children should maintain a certain distance, protect children's privacy, and cultivate children's independence and autonomy.
There are boys in the family, and parents must know how to maintain a moderate sense of boundaries.
I once watched a netizen post to tell his story:
From childhood to adulthood, my mother and netizens have always been "intimate".
In life, his mother took care of him in every detail.
Even though he was in junior high school, his mother would help him squeeze toothpaste and tie his shoelaces every day. Until netizens graduated from college, his mother did not let him cook a meal.
But at the same time, his mother was mentally inseparable from him.
When I was in elementary school, my mother installed several cameras at home, and every move of netizens was under the monitoring of my mother.
At home, his mother never allowed him to lock the door.
Even the lock on the bathroom was removed by my mother.
More than twenty years later, netizens who grew up under the "full enveloping mother's love" commented on themselves like this:
"Although I am physically an adult, I am still a baby inside:
I don't do housework, every friend around me is not chosen by myself, and the job is also my mother's help to find.
Even the thoughts stuffed in my head were instilled in me by my mother. ”
But in fact, a mother who does not understand the sense of boundaries will never be able to raise a child who has a career.
As psychologist Claire says:
"All love in the world is for the sake of being together, and there is only one kind of love for separation, and that is the love of parents for their children."
Every child has a seed buried in his body, and only his parents leave enough space for him.
One day, this seed will grow into a towering tree.
One parenting blogger once said:
"Life is like a box of chocolates.
But for the boy's mother was a box of black tricks, 100% of the kind, bitter and astringent. But don't be afraid, black qiao eats not fat people, but also can exercise the quality of will. ”
For the boy's mother, our journey is always the sea of stars.
What can be done is to understand, empathize and let go, plus a little knowledge and method, recognize your limitations, and constantly improve yourself.
Teach boys in a more scientific and appropriate way.
Only in this way can our boys break through the cocoon and become butterflies and live towards the sun.
I believe that every parent is looking forward to jackie chan and hoping for a woman to become a phoenix!
Take the words of the world-famous physicist Yang Zhenning:
If you want your child to learn mathematics well, the first step is to first understand the basic concepts of mathematics; secondly, the origin of its basic concepts, which requires parents to accompany their children to read more mathematical books and play some mathematical games in the process of tutoring their children's mathematical problems.
However, climbing the pinnacle of mathematics is not an easy task. Yang Zhenning, a world-famous physicist, said: "I also think mathematics is very boring, but when I saw Liu Xuanyu's math book, I was very surprised. Can you still learn math like this? ”
Yang Zhenning was the greatest physicist after Newton and Einstein. The math teacher he can recognize, Liu Xuanyu, can't be wrong.
Who is Liu Xuanyu?
Compared with mathematicians such as Hua Luogeng and Chen Jingrun, Liu Xuanyu is not well-known, because his energy is mainly in mathematics teaching and the preparation of primary and secondary school textbooks.
Liu Xuanyu wrote many mathematical books in his lifetime, the most famous of which are these three:
The first book is "Mr. Ma Talks About Mathematics", which mainly talks about how to use the graphical method to solve some of the four problems of arithmetic
The second book is "Mathematical Fun", which mainly talks about the mathematical problems encountered in daily life, we say that all things are mathematics, and learning mathematics through all things is the fastest.
The third book is The Garden of Mathematics, which is a bit more difficult, and it talks about the concepts of functions, continuums, induced functions, differentiation, integrals, and sums, as well as the basic principles of their operations. Although it is a little deep, the method of explanation is very good, and the sixth grade baby can still understand part of the content.
Colleagues show this book to children, usually children also tutor mathematics, sometimes feel that cram school is a bit boring. But when the child read this book, he found it very interesting, and he could also use what he learned in the cram school.
I didn't feel tired after watching it for an hour! Parents: It's a rare good book!
For this set of classic mathematical science books compiled by Mr. Liu Xuanyu, parents also gave a high evaluation, parents said that "this series of books in general has a kind of follow-through temptation, from shallow to deep feeling, the language is particularly convincing"
It can be said that after reading this set of books, there is no need to worry about mathematics in elementary and junior high schools.
This set of classic mathematics series, the biggest benefit is to stimulate students' hidden enthusiasm and desire to learn, so that students love to learn mathematics, many parents said that "Mathematics Three Books" is a rare good book, can not be missed!