Spring blossoms, everything recovers, and the babies who have been bored for a winter finally meet again, and run happily in the sun, what a beautiful thing. But the day is not what people want, so there are girlfriends to ask for help:
The son is particularly introverted, and he can't play with the children, take him out to play, and he will only watch others play silly next to him.
Even if he plays with children he knows, he is also an old cadre's style, other children yell, run and jump, he, happy to move the corners of his mouth, play for half a day without saying a word, others suspect that he is dumb.
What should I do?
I have written several articles about children's social interaction before, and those who are interested can go back to see, this article I am dedicated to the social problems of introverted slow children.
From my observations of small squares in the community with dolls for many years, introverted and slow-heat children may be more inclined to socialize in this way:
When they encounter children of the same age playing, they will not take the initiative to join, but first observe from a distance;
They are not willing to take the initiative to talk to strangers, others take the initiative to talk, the appearance is very cold, in fact, the inside is very happy;
They are afraid of being rejected, and sometimes refuse to associate with others one step ahead;
They are particularly afraid of conflict, and when they encounter conflict, they will immediately flee far away;
Even if they play with children, they rarely put forward their own ideas, preferring to be little transparent and small followers.
The other children soon mingled with their friends, and their own children curled up in the corner alone, looking out of place, and the old mother's heart would definitely be unhappy.
If someone next to me talks about it twice: "This child is so shy!" Let's play with them! ”
The mood will be more sour.
Children do not fit in, parents do not have to be too anxious
Although at the age of 3-5, children enter a socially sensitive period and will pay special attention to interacting with their peers, but everyone has everyone's characteristics, not everyone is in desperate need of friends, and being alone does not equal loneliness.
Some introverts don't want to join the crowd because they have a low social willingness.
Extroverted and cheerful children like the noise of the outside world, introverted slow and hot children like to be alone and quiet, for this kind of child, quietly do eating melon masses, he feels very comfortable, comfortable, why should we bother for him!
Don't scare yourself with the idea of "if you are so introverted now, what will you do if you enter society in the future?"
Take C Dad as an example, he has been an introvert since he was a child, and now he is still a little afraid of society, and he will feel very cramped in strange and crowded occasions, but this has not affected his work and study, and C Dad has also made several deep friends.
It is said that Russian President Putin is usually particularly reticent, India's founding father Gandhi was particularly shy when he was a child, and Tencent's founder Ma Huateng is also an introvert, and he is nervous when he sees the camera.
They all belong to the personality traits of not being good at interacting and talking, but they have not hindered the success of others.
Don't care about other people's discussions, their children are normal or abnormal, they know best, as long as we don't care, other people's pointing is air.
Children do not gather crowds, parents must not force their children to make friends
Many parents see that their children are not social, in order to make friends for their children, they will encourage their children: "Bao, see how much fun the children have, you go and join them!" ”
There are also mothers who will help the child to match: "This little brother of my family is very shy, you come and ask him to play together."
In fact, both of these practices will convey a message to the child: I am particularly bad at interacting with people.
This invisibly gives the child a negative reinforcement.
Old friends know one of my clichés about parenting: the best parenting is not a correction, it's a match.
The essence of matching is to understand and respect the child as he is.
Let the child think from the heart that my mother is very recognized and appreciated by me, and even if everyone in the world does not recognize and appreciate me, my mother thinks that I am the best child in the world.
If parents think that it is normal for parents to be introverted and slow, or even unwilling to fit in, children will not think that this is their own shortcomings and will accept themselves very calmly.
On the contrary, the more the parent corrects, the more the child screws up.
If the child wants to observe from a distance, let him observe, and for the child, this is also a way of interpersonal communication.
If you meet a friend you know, parents can take the initiative to greet people, and naturally guide their children to say hello, without forcing their children to say something.
The child's learning is mainly imitation and repetition, we provide him with a good communication environment, give him a template to deal with freely, and the rest can be completely realized by himself.
Moms and Dads should believe that it is the nature of children to interact and play, and he can always find the best way for him!
Moreover, child development psychologists have found that the characteristics that really hinder children's social personality are not introversion, but shyness, nervousness and impatience, the former making it difficult for children to make new friends, and the latter making it difficult for children to maintain friendships.
Psychologist Piaget once proposed:
Children's "childhood has two worlds", one is the world of parents and children interacting, and the other is the world of peers. Peer groups play an equally or even more important role in a child's development as parents.
Children need friends, and they grow up eager to gain the approval and companionship of their peers, which parents and nothing else can replace.
Socializing is just what children need, and what parents really need to pay attention to is what substantial help you can provide when the child has a willingness to socialize (wants to play) but lacks social skills/abilities (not knowing how to join).
If the child is shy and slow, does not dare to gather the crowd, and will not make friends, parents can push it at the right time. 1, take out some social currency, help the child to integrate into a piece of grandma Wang, every time you go out, you will bring a small bag, which puts some small snacks, small toys, every time you go to the small square, you will take things out and distribute them to the children next to you to eat and play, and the children will naturally make up a pile with her little grandson.
"Brother, how do you play with this toy?" Other children take the initiative to talk, although his children do not talk much, nor are they very warm, but they are very popular with everyone.
I recently learned a new word: social currency.
Just like when we meet strangers and carry a fashionable bag in our hands, it is easy to find common topics with friends who also love bags, and bags play the role of social currency.
Parents may wish to take the initiative to prepare some "social currency" for their children, help them build a bridge, let everyone take the initiative to issue invitations to them, and successfully break the ice.
There are more times to break the ice smoothly, and the child's willingness to establish an intersection with others will be much stronger.
In addition to snacks and toys, social currency can also be a big playmate, such as an old mother who plays treasure.
I took CC out for a while, and I would take the initiative to greet children to play small games.
"Old wolf, old wolf, what time is it", I am an old wolf, "eagle catches chickens", I am an eagle, chasing a bunch of children giggling and running, their own babies naturally blend in.
2. Do some in-depth social networking to help children consolidate friendships
An introverted, slow-on child can be cramped in a crowd, but gives him a chance to socialize in a small group, for example, by socializing with someone familiar alone.
Parents can observe which friend the child usually has a good relationship with, and then consciously help him do some in-depth social interaction. For example, come to a private one-on-one visit to each other or meet for a weekend walk together.
For introverted children, friends are not expensive, there are one or two friends who have common hobbies, they are very comfortable and relaxed when they are together, and his happiness is enough to be established.
3. Cultivate a hobby and give children a social foundation
Jung, the psychologist who first proposed the "introverted" personality, believed that there is no pure introversion or extroversion of human personality.
Introverts may usually be less verbal, but when they encounter topics they like, they can talk about it as well.
We can consciously cultivate a child's hobbies, such as the child likes Lego, we can let him be a small expert in this area.
A child in our courtyard is a Lego fan, usually does not say anything, when he encounters a topic related to Lego, he will take the initiative to open his mouth every time, see who to talk to whom, and can't stop talking.
Every time he said it, the people around him could feel the confidence and happiness he released, and everyone liked him and mentioned that he was "the kid who liked Lego".
As mentioned earlier, the introverted and slow personality is not directly related to children's friends, they just need more guidance from parents, and naturally they will slowly build up their social skills that make them comfortable and will not be particularly unusual.
American psychologist and psychological clinician Marty Riley pointed out in the book "Introvert Advantage":
Introverts like to immerse themselves in quiet activities, which allows them to be undisturbed by the noisy outside world, to think more deeply about things, and to be able to concentrate on things.
Compared with extroverts who call on friends and are full of friends, introverts are more focused and more likely to get the trust and support of friends.
There are introverted slow hot babies in the family, we don't have to envy other people's children, their own children are the best gifts of God.
We just need to affirm him and trust him, and he will naturally find a path that suits him.