Will you always be soft on your child and unconditionally meet all of your baby's needs? In fact, being an easy to compromise mother can only meet the needs of the child for a short time and make the child happy for a while. But in the long run, the mother's compromise is harming the child.
A female star said that she should be a very compromised mother. Every time the child cries, his own principles are easily broken. The daughter did not want to eat, wanted to eat cold drinks, and supposedly should not agree, but as soon as the child cried, she softened her heart when she became a mother.
The child was not willing to go to kindergarten, crying so much that the mother saw the situation and softened her heart, and almost took her daughter home. Unfortunately, the mother's concession did not exchange for the child's understanding, and the child was in a variety of situations in the kindergarten, and he was almost dissuaded. At this time, the mother realized that there was a problem with the way of loving the child, and she really should not compromise everything and give in everywhere.
In fact, not only female celebrities, many mothers have such an experience, obviously have set the rules, set the principle bottom line for their children. For example, children are not allowed to watch TV, children are not allowed to play with mobile phones, and children are forbidden to play with toys for too long. But as long as the child is spoiled and cries, and the mother sees that the child is very pitiful, it is difficult not to compromise.
Soft heart is a common problem for mothers. When facing children, there is such a type of mother, they are full of smiles, it is easy to agree to the child's request without a bottom line, helpless to the child, resigned. Don't hide from everyone that I was once such a mother and very tolerant of her son.
"Mom, I want to play for 3 minutes", a compromise mom, affects the child's personality development
When my son was 5 years old, he especially loved to play a small game. Basically, he pestered me every day and begged me to play with his mobile phone. Sometimes, when I urge him to read and learn to read, my son will look up and say to me, "Mom, I want to play for another 3 minutes, and when I'm done, I'll write my homework." Again and again, I nodded my head in agreement with my son. I thought, as long as the child is happy.
But later I found that my son really did not have the concept of time, and every time it reached the 3-minute time point, the child still played endlessly and could not stop at all. Many times I ordered my son to stop playing with his mobile phone quickly, and his son's temper immediately came up, and he cried at me.
The child's personality becomes irritable, the attitude of speaking becomes tougher, and the personality development tends to deteriorate. Realizing the seriousness of the matter, I began to make changes. At the same time, it also fell into a second parenting trap.
Rejecting mothers, very hurt the relationship
Later, I tried to force myself not to compromise anymore, and as long as the child played with the mobile phone, I would set a good time for the child. If a child chases me and asks, "Mom, I want to play for another 3 minutes, can I?" I would say to him firmly, "No." More times, I found that the child was cold to me, and even the number of times he laughed at me decreased, and the relationship between the two was very deadlocked.
After much thought, I finally came up with a third way to answer, when the child asked me "Mom, I want to play for another 3 minutes", I no longer compromised, nor refused, but made a completely new change and tried.
"Mom, I want to play for another 3 minutes", Bao Mom's third answer, which can be called "textbook parenting"
"Children's Language" said, "Love is full of pain, and I know my parents." No mother wants to hurt her child, but in the face of the child's common question of "Mom, I want to play for 3 minutes", the mother's short sentence answer may hurt the child's character development and affect the family relationship. It can be seen that the mother's language should really pay attention to, and we must try our best to "textbook parenting", speak more standardized language, and use scientific methods to guide children.
Continue to dissect my "textbook parenting" experience. Later, my son asked me again, "Mom, I want to play a little longer, can I?" This kind of question, I will hand my son a clock, let my son personally set the time, and then ask the child: "Can you do it after three minutes, take the initiative to stop playing with your mobile phone, and go to the study to write homework?" Or, do you have any other way to guarantee that you will only play for 3 minutes? ”
Sure enough, this trick is very effective, when the alarm clock rings after the son is scheduled for 3 minutes, the son, although reluctant, will still take the initiative to turn off the mobile phone, and then obediently start learning. And I don't have to bother with my children anymore, there is no quarrel between the two of them. The whole process was quite enjoyable and very happy. Eventually, the child learned self-discipline, and I became a good mother who was both tolerant and considerate in the eyes of a child.
Experience is the best teacher, this is my personal experience. To sum up the method, if your child asks you again that he wants to play for another 3 minutes, is it okay? Just follow the template of this third answer and tell your child. The effect of this trick is great, the child can basically follow the rules under the reminder of the alarm clock, and stop playing until the specified time. And it does not affect the parent-child relationship at all, the child is happy, and the adult will be very happy.
To sum up, this textbook answer method uses the concept of "responsibility transfer". The mother has transferred the task of supervising the child to the child herself. Children are also responsible, and when he promises his mother to complete the task, he will have such a belief to play sometimes and self-discipline.
At the same time, the concept of "limited choice" is used here. "Limited choice" means to provide children with some enlightening questions, which are of a guiding nature. For example, the mother asks the child if he can play for 3 minutes and then take the initiative to put down the mobile phone game and write homework? Or, let the child find a way to guarantee that he will only play for 3 minutes and make a commitment to the parent.
Under such two or limited choices, children are willing to accept, most of them will not refuse, and they will be relatively happy to cooperate with parents. After all, on the surface, the child is making his own decisions and meeting the needs of the moment. But in essence, it is the parents who make important regulations for the children and give the children a certain choice.
To sum up, compromise-type love and reject-type love are easy to hurt children. Only the "textbook" parenting method, the love brought to the child, is the most appropriate love for the parent to the child.
Interactive Topic: When your child has to play for a few more minutes, how do you answer the parents?