Editor | Nai Nai
Image | Internet
In February, the War between Russia and Ukraine began!
Just when all of us were still cheering for the excitement of the Winter Olympics, war appeared in front of everyone in a caught off guard.
Born in the era of peace, we grew up in the era of peace, for the first time, really felt what real war is.
With the spread of social media, all kinds of messages on the battlefield are ready to be used to us in fragmented ways.
Even my young daughter suddenly asked me after school a few days ago: Mom, what is a war?
For a moment, I was also stunned. I thought about how to tell her that war means death, that there may be destruction of the homeland, and that a peaceful, happy life is gone.
How do I tell this child about "war" to this child who does not know how to explore the world?
01
Do you want to talk to your children about war?
Dr. Megmick, a pediatrician and author of the best-selling book "Keep Kids Calm," suggests this:
"In today's age of media information, children learn about the war from a variety of sources. But parents should uphold a principle, that is, for children under 7 years old, do not take the initiative to mention anything about the war. ”
But what if the child takes the initiative to ask questions? Do you want to communicate?
There are three general reactions from parents:
Reluctant to discuss, think that the child cares about this, study well, learn well.
Parents themselves are also very concerned and willing to talk to their children, but they feel that this issue is more complicated to talk about, and they don't know where to start.
There is also a category of willingness to talk, but suffer from their usual lack of attention, if you look up on the Internet, you will see different views, you can't judge, you don't know what to talk about.
When children take the initiative to talk to us about war, should we discuss with them?
The answer is yes.
Of course, to continue to talk, this time the child is full of curiosity, if you ignore it, in the long run, it is difficult for the child to have the initiative to learn in the future.
There may be no standard answers to these questions, but in the process of answering, children can think more comprehensively and understand the deeper content behind the information.
02
How do children perceive war?
We cannot underestimate a child's ability to learn and accept.
In the Chinese textbook, there is "Driving a long car and stepping through the Helan Mountain." Zhuangzhi starved for meat, laughed and talked about thirst for The blood of the Huns", conveying a sense of war.
In video games, there is "those who commit crimes against china, although they will be punished from afar", which is to convey the cognition of war.
The "How Steel is Made", "Red Rock", "Bullfly", "Romance of the Three Kingdoms", and "Water Margin" in the compulsory reading list of middle school students are also conveying a kind of cognition of war.
Therefore, whether we are willing to face it or not, this kind of transmission is an education that directly or indirectly affects children's perception of war.
03
How to explain "war" to your child?
British writer Mike Mopper put it this way: "Don't think that the understanding of grief suddenly begins one day after you grow up, and until then you can only be amused." In fact, every child growing up today must think about the conflicts of the world around him. ”
So, when a child asks us "what is war," what are we going to talk to our child about?
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Ask your child how much they know about "war"?
When the child takes the initiative to ask about the war, you do not explain it directly at the first time, but continue to ask the child:
"Where did you hear that?"
"Have your friends discussed this?"
Such a rhetorical question can first understand the child's way to obtain information. In trying to understand the world, your child may also see a lot of things that you don't know.
Therefore, understanding your child's thoughts first will be the beginning of a good conversation and will also make your child feel that you have listened carefully to his point of view.
Explain what is happening in plain language
The Russo-Ukrainian war developed so suddenly that many adults may not yet understand the current situation.
If your child asks, we need to make sure we understand the ins and outs of things and then explain them in language that your child can understand.
For example, this could be said:
Russia and Ukraine are two countries on earth, they are next to each other, they have merged, they have fought, and their relationship is not very good.
Ukraine is much smaller than Russia, and it does not like Russia in the east, so it plans to find its neighbor in the west, NATO, as a backer.
NATO is a U.S.-led organization with many countries in it. Over the years, countries around Russia have continued to join NATO.
If Ukraine had joined, Russia's west would have been all NATO countries, and NATO countries would have always regarded Russia as an enemy. Therefore, Russia is considering its own security and strongly opposes Ukraine's accession to NATO.
Because these countries have their own ideas, years of strife, escalating conflicts, and everyone's attitude is very tough, so it caused this war to break out.
In the process of communication, we need to pay attention to the fact that we should try to describe the whole thing from a neutral point of view, and not label either party.
Tell your child that the causes of every war are complex, that there are good people and bad people in war, but for everyone, war is bad.
Regulate your child's emotions
When we talk to our children about war, we hope that parents can explain this matter in as calm a tone as possible, without feeling nervous, angry or afraid, because our emotions will directly affect the child.
If the child is panicked about the war-related pictures and scenes that have been seen, we can find ways to regulate the child's emotions, such as:
"War is not good, it makes a lot of people bleed and injured, but there will be doctors to try to treat them, don't worry too much, you and Mom and Dad are very safe." 」
04
Multiple perspectives to analyze
So, is there a better way, a way that is acceptable to the child, to describe to the child the impact that war may have on us and the subversion of life?
Learn through picture book readings
If your child is still relatively young and does not yet have a deep self-awareness and judgment of many things, you can borrow picture book readings related to the theme of war and convey it in the form of a story.
More through the explanation of certain plots, they can feel the preciousness of peace, introduce war in a simple and popular way, so that children can distinguish between truth, goodness and beauty, and experience the preciousness of adhering to good character in a harsh environment.
Learn through movies
If you are a child in elementary school, middle and high school, you already have a certain independent thinking ability and dialectical rational thinking, you can use some movies about war, such as:
"Oak Boy", "New Button War", "Good Night, Mr. Tom", "The Village Under the Iron Hoof"...
These are all children's movies about World War II, the protagonists are children, through the children's stories, with the child's perspective to see the war.
Through these stories, children can try to understand war, perhaps more understand the meaning of strength and kindness, and cherish peace more.
Immersive experience
Many wars in history have had a major impact on the development of human history, and it is impossible to avoid helping children to objectively understand war, that is, to help them fully understand the world.
Boys, in particular, have a keen interest in some weapons, combat, and heroic images.
But as children get older, we should really think about how we can guide children to understand military and war head-on.
You may wish to let your children experience a military summer camp during the holidays, hand over professional things to professional people, and let children have a deeper experience and understanding of military camps and operations!
As a parent,
Our attitude towards war,
It will also be the child's attitude towards the world and life.
May there be peace in the world.
End