There is a saying that parents raising children is like walking with a snail.
You yell at it, you rebuke it, but the snail tries its best, it can only crawl so slowly; you pull it, and it hurts.
In this story, the child is the snail.
We must admit that children have their own laws of growth. Parents should respect this law when educating their children.
But the children's rubbing, many times, is not entirely the inevitable law of growth.
Rather, some psychological reason is at work!
Many parents have experienced such moments of collapse. Get up every day, three urges and four pleases, almost late, does not yell a few voices, the child just can't get up; before going out, the child packs things, dresses, and shoes at 0.5 times faster... In this case, can you still have the poetic state of mind of "child, you take your time"?
Attention! At this time, the child may be being dragged down by the "little devil" in his heart. They need the education and guidance of parents.
First, the "overrun effect" - be careful of the child's rebellious psychology
Many parents will find that their children are slow, slow to procrastinate, and nothing can be changed by urging alone, and even the slower the urging.
There is an "over-limit effect" in psychology, to the effect that if people are stimulated by the outside world too much, too strong, or the effect is too long, it is easy to produce extreme impatience or rebellious psychology.
Some parents like to urge the most when their children are rubbing, and the result is that the more they urge, the slower they are, which is caused by this principle.
So, what should we do?
Let go of the urging nagging and let the child decide.
For example, if you say that you will go to the zoo together in the morning, but the child will watch TV for a while and play with toys for a while, he will not change his clothes. You can remind them that the zoo is open until what time it is, and if we go out later than what time it is, it will be too late to see all the animals he wants to see. Then just hold back, shut up, and don't urge ta.
At this time, children who want to play will generally stop their work quickly and prepare for going out. An older child may look at the time, but as long as he wants to go to the zoo, he will finish the preparations for going out before the appointed time.
Second, the use of "positioning quick effect method" to refine the target
Some children have several pieces of homework every day after they go to elementary school. Chinese, Mathematics, English, Physical Education... Everything has to be punched, everything has to be passed. As soon as the work list was opened, it was all kinds of fine arrangements for each section.
This is indeed a challenge for children with a slightly weaker logic.
There are so many jobs and so many requirements, where do you start? Or just drag it out. Not to mention children, we adults will also have such a psychology when facing small and complicated work.
There is a phenomenon in psychology called "positioning quick-acting method". It is a phenomenon that the more purposeful and process-clear the task, the more efficiently we accomplish.
Psychologists did an experiment. Students are divided into 3 groups and sent to villages 10 km away. The first group of students, because they did not know where the village was, followed the guide for less than two or three kilometers, began to cry bitterly; the second group of students, who knew in advance that the destination was 10 kilometers away, but there was no sign on the road, and after walking for a while, they also began to be depressed; the third group of students, they not only knew where the destination was, but also saw the road signs and knew in their hearts, so most of them were able to successfully complete the task.
This principle tells us that it is important to have a clear and unambiguous goal.
Therefore, when the child is faced with complex and tedious tasks, properly helping the child to sort out the tasks, disassembling the big task into several clear small goals, and estimating the time it will take will be very helpful for the child to get rid of procrastination.
Let's take the example of writing homework that we just gave. We disassembled the tasks of each subject separately, first using half an hour to complete the language homework, then half an hour to complete the math homework, and then English... This allows the child to feel that the goal is clear and unambiguous, which reduces procrastination.
Third, reject perfectionism and reduce the psychological burden
Sometimes, it is likely that the child procrastinates because he finds the task difficult, or is afraid of not meeting expectations and is mentally burdened.
Psychological studies have shown that procrastination is associated with perfectionist personality. Demanding too much from the result is like putting this plank between two tall buildings, and we are afraid to fall, that is, afraid of failure or afraid of success, so we dare not even take a step forward.
Children like to rub, and it is very likely that it has to do with the difficulty of what they have to do. So, what should parents do at this time?
If you want to finish things quickly and improve efficiency, the focus is on reducing the psychological burden on children and allowing them to have a relaxed and comfortable state. There is a simple method that parents should try:
When your child is rubbing in front of several homework, you can first pick the homework that he is best at and let the child do it. When the child is finished, encourage the child appropriately.
The child's self-confidence rises, and the motivation to learn also has it.
Fourth, return the responsibility to the child and let the child bear the consequences himself
Have you ever encountered this situation:
Children are about to be late for school, you are in a hurry, but the child is slowly leisurely, as if there is no one.
There are many parents who encounter this situation. Many times, it is the parents who are too anxious and take the responsibility of the child on them, and the child loses the initiative to take responsibility for things.
In this case, you can communicate with your child and explain the consequences of being late. If the child is still insisting on procrastination, then let the child bear the consequences himself. When the child is truly confronted with the disciplinary punishment of school after being late, he will truly realize that it is his business to go to school on time. Only then will they learn their lessons and remember their responsibilities.
When the child experiences the consequences of the rubbing, pay the price and summarize the experience. Only in this way can we constantly recognize our responsibilities, adjust our own rhythm, master the correct practices, and constantly consciously and quickly.