essay
Educational resource sharing
Book excerpts
1. Essays
Gu Ailing made 10 calls to her mother, but her mother did not answer, this scene immediately associated with the tragedy caused by "Beginning", daughter Wang Mengmeng called her father, and her father did not answer.
The needs of both daughters to call their parents are the same: to seek security
The result for the two daughters was the same: the phone didn't answer
But why is there such a big difference in results?
The answer is: self-acceptance
What is self-acceptance?
- "I can do it!" , "I'm strong", "I can do it"
This is self-affirmation, that is, it is clear that it cannot be done but it is still implied that it can be done, which can easily lead to superiority complex, and it is also lying to oneself.
- "How can I do it?"
This is self-acceptance, that is, accepting the "can't do it yourself" and then trying to work in the direction of being able to do it, without lying to yourself.
Wang Mengmeng encountered a satyr on the No. 46 bus, and what she did was to summon up her courage... The courage to flee, and asking the driver to let her out of the car, in the face of pressure, there is nothing to do, ask her father for help.
The unattainable phone meant to her that the last road was blocked and she collapsed.
From God's point of view, we are all very clear that Wang Mengmeng at that time could solve the crisis in front of him by shouting at the wolf, but why not do it? Instead of making a series of actions that others think are incomprehensible, and suffering?
Because she couldn't even affirm herself, she fell into a very humiliating and scared state.
A person who cannot even affirm himself is extremely prone to collapse in the face of pressure, and even self-deception, denying the source of his stress.
The director of the Crime Prevention Research Institute of the Ministry of Justice revealed that in the mid-1990s, only 7.6 percent of residents in downtown Beijing were reported to have suffered serious sexual assaults. In 1997, Chinese Public Security University went to Guangzhou to do a village survey, and the rape report rate was only 4.6%.
Gu Ailing, on the other hand, is a child who knows how to accept himself.
In front of the camera, at the door of the home, on the world-renowned competition stage, at that moment the eyes of the world were focused on her, and the pressure scene she faced was different from Wang Mengmeng, but the magnitude of the pressure was definitely far beyond Wang Mengmeng.
10 unanswered calls, why did she not collapse, replaced by ordinary people, in the case of 10 calls not answered may have been angry, but Gu Ailing is so calm.
"Talking to her (mom) is like talking to myself....all decisions are made by myself....she (mom) has a lot of respect for my decisions"
That's why it's calm: even if no one supports me, I can still move in the direction I can do it.
- To sum it up in three simple sentences:
- "I'm afraid, I can't do it" – self-denial;
- "I can do it" – self-affirmation (deception);
- "How can I do it" – self-acceptance;
How do you get your child to accept themselves?
Adler psychology gives a hint: serious life "live in the moment"
Accept the things that cannot be changed, accept the reality of "this me", and then, about the things that can be changed, come up with the "courage" to change. This is self-acceptance.
Don't focus on the past, don't focus on the future (results), focus on doing every detail of the present. This is living in the here and now.
Adler psychology believes that life is like a straight line, composed of countless points, and the "point" in life is the moment.
To give a few examples, it is easy to understand:
- Before Gu Ailing made the super difficult move:
If she's focused on the fact that she's never succeeded in making this move in the past, she can't take that step;
If she focuses on the future after making the move, the panic of fear of failure will become her resistance;
If she focuses on the winning scene after making the action, then the excitement of self-deception will become the point of her mistake;
Her focus is on how to do this action well;
- Before I write this article:
If I'm focused on articles I haven't written on this kind of topic in the past, it's hard to write;
If my concern is that I may not have read much after I have written, then I will give up writing;
If I focus on the fact that I may have millions of readings after I finish writing, then the quality of the article will decline with it;
My focus is on: how to write this article well;
- When a child is taking the test:
If he focuses on the fact that he has never passed in the past, then his attitude will be very loose;
If he is concerned that his grades may be very bad, then he may give up the questions he knows to answer hastily;
If he is concerned that his grades will be very good and he can get the reward promised by his parents, then he may have obvious mistakes in the process of doing the questions;
Children should focus on how I do each problem well.
- When a mother teaches her child homework:
If she pays attention to the fact that the child has never done homework well in the past, then she will have the mentality of teaching the child homework from the beginning, and the results can be imagined;
If she is concerned about whether her child will achieve good grades in the future, then she will be very eager to ask her child to do things that are impossible;
If she is concerned about the future when her child may not be admitted to high school, then she may give up teaching her children homework;
Mothers should focus on how I help my child do their homework for tonight.
Life is a continuous point, we can not change the past, can not decide the unknown future, we can only change the present.
"God, please give me peace to accept what I cannot change; give me the courage to change what I can change; give me wisdom to discern the difference between the two." --- Nibel's prayer.
2. Sharing of educational resources
"Children's Bedtime Stories" e-book, telling children bedtime stories never makes a "story famine", I rely on it
Private message reply "05", free self-pickup
3. Book excerpts
"Bottom Logic" When a person holds not a point of view but a position, when a person "ass decides the head", what you should do is to say "it is good for you" (which is good for you).
In turn, we must always reflect on ourselves: what I say, what I express, is it a fact, is it a point of view, is it a position, or a belief?
Everyone has their own beliefs, don't attack the beliefs of others.
Because, first, you can't win;
Second, you will lose this friend.