Text/Birch
This article was written by Parent Classroom (ID: fumuketang)
01
On Sunday, I visited a friend's house and witnessed a child under the age of four throwing a tantrum.
Before eating, the child wants to eat a box of jelly placed on the table. But the child's mother considered that she was about to eat, and eating jelly would affect the meal, so she did not agree.
At the beginning, this child was a coddled mother, and after suffering from the mother's firm rejection, the child's attitude took a one hundred and eighty degree turn.
She suddenly began to cry, then picked up the jelly, threw it hard to the ground, and stomped the jelly box with her foot, and the jelly box was flattened, and the jelly lay out.
When the mother saw the child like this, her anger immediately came up and began to criticize the child loudly. To the mother's consternation, the child did not stop, and after she continued to step the jelly box, ran into the room, and then forcefully closed the door.
The child is not yet four years old, how can she have such a big temper? In parenting, it is common for children to lose their temper and challenge their parents' bottom line, and in the same way, countering violence with violence is also a common method used by our parents.
02
On a certain parenting program, when the child eats, he has to build blocks on the dining table, and his parents persuade him to play after eating, but he did not expect that the child suddenly launched a temper tantrum, threw the toy on the ground and stepped on it, and then hid behind the door and cried, no one was useful to persuade him.
The mother pulled the child to the edge of the sofa and the first thing she said to the child was to label and reprimand:
"You child, can you listen?"
When the child listened, he cried even louder, crying and shouting: "Grandma", "Grandma", "I want Grandma".
Immediately after Dad's first sentence, it is also an attempt to be reasonable: "Eat when it is time to eat, and play after eating, okay?" ”。 The child refused without hesitation: "I don't want it!" ”。
In the end, Dad had no patience and had to do it directly to control the situation.
In fact, many parents have such an experience, and their children's temper is bigger than we think.
When the child loses his temper, the first thing the parents have to do is not to follow the yelling, but to understand that there are many reasons that cause the child to lose his temper, some are related to family education, and some are related to the child's development law.
03
The child's brain development is unbalanced, the emotional brain that manages emotions develops much faster than the rational brain that manages intelligence, and the child's rational brain does not fully mature until after the age of 20.
For children who have just entered the school age, it is precisely because the brain is responsible for rational prefrontal lobe development is slow, the child's emotional self-control is poor, and it is easy to cry and spill.
The focus is on brain science research that when a child loses his temper, there is a strong connection between the two areas of the brain that control emotions and reason, which is also the best time to promote brain development.
Conversely, if you stop your child from losing your temper, it will hinder the normal development of your brain.
Once the emotion is generated, it needs to come out, if it is forcibly trapped, the child's heart will have a strong conflict, destroying the harmony of the heart, and eventually leading to psychological problems.
When a child loses his temper, unless there is danger, try not to bind him, and sometimes this is also a comfort. You can hold your baby tenderly and firmly and say comforting words to your child, especially when they lose their temper because of disappointment, frustration or unfamiliar circumstances.
Understanding the child, respecting the child, and accepting all the negative emotions of the child are the first ways to face the child's tantrums.
Oppose his actions, but accept his emotions and make them feel your love. Children can learn to express their feelings in words, and they can also accept the empathy of parents for them, and children will be more receptive to the truth.
When the child's emotions come up, the parents are not confrontation with it, but try to catch it, the child can feel safe, and can gradually recognize and learn to live peacefully with the emotion, and help form a healthy and complete self.
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