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How does teen depression come about? Don't let teen depression become unspeakable pain

author:Marriage and Family Camps
How does teen depression come about? Don't let teen depression become unspeakable pain

Scientific understanding and bravery are the most important attitudes to deal with adolescent depression.

Text | Ren Li (Psychological Counselor)

In November 2021, the Ministry of Education clearly proposed that depression screening should be included in the content of student health examinations, and students' mental health files should be established to assess students' mental health status, and students with abnormal assessment results should be given special attention. 13-year-old Xiao Rong was found to have severe depressive tendencies during screening, and was eventually diagnosed with moderate depression.

Before that, both the teachers at the school and the parents were unaware of Xiao Rong's abnormal performance. Moreover, after the test results came out, Xiao Rong's mother's first reaction was to deny: How is this possible? Children are happy and sunny from a young age, how did they become depressed in junior high school?

Because she did not believe it, her mother took Xiao Rong to three hospitals successively, did a lot of evaluations, and saw that the diagnosis of each hospital was like this, so she had to accept the fact that Xiao Rong was sick. However, she and her husband are very secretive about this disease, do not dare to say it in front of the child, do not dare to show the child the medicine box, and secretly change it every time, for fear that the child will be more depressed after knowing the truth.

Indeed, for most people, mental illness makes people feel more stigmatized than physical illness, because they are afraid that others will equate depression with "neuropathy", for fear that people around them will not be understood as an alien, and thus bear greater interpersonal pressure. However, running away will not help, and facing it can really solve the problem.

How does teen depression come about? Don't let teen depression become unspeakable pain

How adolescent depression comes about

Children's depression is a distress signal to the family, to the society, they are expressing with symptoms, maybe the family is sick, maybe the family's past rigid pattern makes the child feel unbearable pain, or maybe there is an adaptation problem in school.

Adaptation to the environment has encountered difficulties

Xiao Rong has just entered junior high school, entered a new school, and is particularly eager to make new friends. However, Xiao Rong's primary school foundation is relatively poor, the final exam results are counted down, mathematics is just enough, and even the Chinese language that he has always been proud of has failed, all of which have seriously hit Xiao Rong's self-esteem. On the one hand, she wants to be as good as other children in the class; on the other hand, she feels guilty because of dragging the class back, and she is inferior because of her poor test scores, which makes Xiao Rong even more afraid to make friends, and often feels isolated and excluded by her classmates.

Academic pressure and interpersonal pressure make Xiao Rong unable to adapt quickly in the new environment, resulting in her extreme anxiety. The more anxious and thinking more, the more Xiao Rong can not focus on learning, and as a result, it is more difficult to improve academic performance, so a vicious circle is formed. And all these difficulties, Xiao Rong carried silently alone, insomnia all night long.

Traumatic experiences such as early neglect, abuse, and loss are activated

Also into junior high school, why don't other children have adaptation problems? This is closely related to a person's family relationship.

Xiao Rong's parents were introduced to flash marriage, and after marriage, they found that there was a huge difference in the personalities of the two people. Dad has a bad temper and does things simply and rudely; Mom is introverted and likes to complain. After Xiao Rong was diagnosed, parents often quarreled over their children's affairs, and most of the time they were in front of Xiao Rong. The child is at a loss, because whoever is on her side will make her feel betrayed by the other side.

Parents can't take care of themselves, let alone their children. Sometimes in order to defeat each other, they will also control the child and compete for the child's love, so the child feels more emotional neglect and unsupported.

When we talk about abuse, we always think of physical abuse, but in fact verbal violence can be more traumatic than physical abuse. Children internalize the insulting language of their early parents and become part of their own core beliefs. For example, I am not good, I am not worthy, I just can't do it, etc., these self-understandings may come from the language that parents always accuse their children of not doing well, stupid and so on.

When faced with a frustrating environment, children do not yet have the ability to cope with difficulties, and do not have successful experience in this regard, they will be more demeaning, more withdrawn, and more self-attacking. The most serious self-aggression is the act of self-harm and suicide by feeling that you do not deserve to live in this world.

How does teen depression come about? Don't let teen depression become unspeakable pain

Narcissism is damaged

A common characteristic of susceptible people with depression is that they are very sensitive, and they will also have some small talents, and these small talents are also very important supports for maintaining their self-esteem.

Just like Xiao Rong, when she was in elementary school, she always got a high score in Chinese composition, won the recognition of teachers and classmates, and she also liked to write, which was something she was particularly proud of. But in junior high school, the depreciation of her classmates has seriously damaged her narcissism. Originally, she already felt that she was inferior to her classmates in many ways, and now she felt even more useless. What is the point of living a worthless person? At this time, she may take excessive behavior.

Adolescent children are in the stage of building self-identity, and they will value self-esteem more than anything else. At this time, parents and teachers still treat them as children, always communicate with them in a preaching way, or directly give orders, and children will feel disrespected. In order to maintain their self-esteem, they will vigorously resist in a rebellious way.

How does teen depression come about? Don't let teen depression become unspeakable pain

For depression, there is something we can do

Overcome stigma

According to the World Health Organization, about 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression, while the number of pan-depressed people in China exceeds 95 million, and adolescent depression has also been on the rise since the outbreak of the new crown pneumonia epidemic. Therefore, adolescent depression is a huge group, not a rare "disease", it is like a cold, sick to seek medical treatment, follow the doctor's instructions to take medication, but also need to cooperate with psychological counseling. For early intervention in adolescents, the general condition of recovery is still very good. Many times, the sense of shame is actually that parents are unwilling to face it, which invisibly hinders children from further seeking professional help.

I've found in counseling that clients who admit they're sick are more likely to let go of paranoia, allow themselves to be less perfect, not too good, and allow themselves to have some time for self-care, but instead become easier. At the same time, symptoms may also bring certain benefits to themselves, such as parents will not open their mouths as in the past, but will consider the child's feelings; parents will try to understand why the child is sick; parents will try to improve the relationship between husband and wife, not to let the child overly involved... These will create a space for children to develop and grow up.

How does teen depression come about? Don't let teen depression become unspeakable pain

Create a relaxed and warm home environment

Many times, when a child seeks psychological help with such symptoms, it is actually bringing the whole family into psychological counseling. Parents have a bad relationship, quarrel all day long, and children either isolate their emotions and become very indifferent to their parents' quarrels in order to make them feel better, or let their parents understand through illness that their bad relationship is the source of their own pain.

If parents don't make changes, the child's symptoms may persist. In the field of child and adolescent psychology, numerous studies have demonstrated that parental "conflict conversations" have a very negative impact on the development of children and adolescents, and it can cause depression, anxiety, social withdrawal, and various behavioral problems. Therefore, parents can focus more on how to solve their own relationships and self-growth, the family atmosphere will become more relaxed and harmonious, and children will also get spiritual nourishment from it.

Help children build self-confidence and let children have a more positive understanding of themselves

Depressed people usually have a strong sense of helplessness and hopelessness. Feelings of helplessness come from a lack of self-agency and the ability to receive external support, while a sense of hopelessness comes from a sense of inability to control the future and a loss of hope for the future. At a deep level, both of these aspects come from negative perceptions of themselves and a lack of self-confidence.

When I saw Xiao Rong's beautiful words, I was really dazzled. Her sensitive personality traits are precisely the resources for her literary creation. If the people around her can discuss with her what she writes, read the inner feelings expressed behind her words, and support her to create boldly, she can gain more confidence at this point. Then, from point to point, it helps her to explore more advantages and let her see more possibilities.

Depression is not terrible, what is terrible is that it cannot be spoken of, it cannot be accepted. When you find a depressed child around you, please put your hands out and embrace him, let the warmth flow into his heart, and become the light in the winter.

Responsible editor Jia Fangfang

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