When the party knows the person, the party understands the heart. If you are married and do not bear the responsibility of marriage, or even selfishly shirk and get by, such a marriage is hopeless.
Self-motivation is the skill, and responsibility is the bottom line
In the big environment of marriage and love, you will find that there are two major proportions in a woman's mate selection criteria, one is self-motivated, the other is a sense of responsibility, the former represents what will happen to me in the future, and the latter represents how he will do to me in the future.
Therefore, many married women often ask on major platforms: "What if the husband is not self-motivated?" "What if the husband doesn't have a sense of responsibility?"
And the answers to both are explained today.
Women who raise the question "what should I do if my husband is not self-motivated" can be roughly divided into three categories.
One is that they work hard enough to dislike the other party's lack of progress;
One is to have a low eye and complain that the other party cannot give a good life to the poor and love the rich;
The last one is the helplessness of ordinary or even poor families, complaining that the other party cannot withstand the storms of life.
So self-motivation is difficult to quantify, everyone has different meanings for their expectations, some people's ultimate meaning for self-motivation lies in the car ticket house, and some people's understanding of self-motivation is that they can live upwardly compatible.
For example: a family with a car and a house is rich, but only knows how to play games every day; a poor family, no car and no house, but relying on their own efforts to achieve a poor income.
At this time, if you are asked to choose again, what is your answer?
It goes without saying that most people's understanding of "self-motivation" lies in the result rather than the process, whether they can "afford" themselves, and whether they can live better than they are now.
"Self-motivation" is a skill given by the living environment and one's own personality, and not everyone must be attached.
For the marriage of strong women and weak men, from the very beginning you should know that since you have chosen, that person has his own ambitions and does not have to force it; and it is his own problem to think that the poor love the rich is his own problem, Confucius said: Do not do to others what you do not want.
But for men who know that their lives have run out of food and clothing and do not work hard to make money, such a man is not unmotivated, but has no sense of responsibility.
Self-motivation is a skill, but a sense of responsibility is the bottom line.
It means that after marriage, whether you can voluntarily afford your life, whether you will maintain a certain sense of boundaries with your parents and the opposite sex, and whether you are willing to understand, considerate and care about your basic qualities and upbringing after marriage.
For men who have no sense of responsibility, the farther away the better.
"Good for you" is the foundation, not the trait
When friends asked their parents what kind of man they hoped she would marry in the future, they carefully weighed them and replied to her with a serious tone, "There is no other requirement, just be good to you", and after the friend heard it, he was very angry and said: Such a mate selection standard is too low.
Yes, low, many people always confuse the relationship between "love you" and "good for you", and the person who loves you will naturally be good to you, while the person who is good to you does not necessarily love you.
If you don't love a person but marry each other because of his goodness, most of these marriages will not last long.
Let's not say whether the other party can be consistent with you before and after marriage, as far as you are concerned, if you don't love, how can you accept the shortcomings of the other party to live.
"Good for you" is the foundation, not the trait. Once you get used to the other person's giving, more desires will follow, and the butterfly effect of not loving is disgust, accusation, complaining, and so on.
Women always hope to meet a man who can treat her as the whole world, so when there is a person who can greet her warmly and care for her, it is so easy to fall into the "gentle country", and even do not go deep into whether they love or not.
It's common to meet someone who makes you feel good, and it's rare to meet someone who makes you feel at ease, but that's not a reason to blindly enter into marriage.
Most people only believe what they are willing to believe, it is easy for bystanders to persuade others, and it is simple for parties to deceive themselves.
The reason why so many people say that girls can be with boys because they are moved, but boys do not, is because for women who have been hurt in their feelings, good is "extravagant", and for women who have not been hurt by feelings, good is "desire".
If you feel that you are already very lucky to meet someone who is "very good to you", then the next thing you should think carefully about is whether you can tolerate the shortcomings of the other person and whether there are any advantages in the other party that attract you. What cannot be tolerated when in love will be even worse after marriage.
A small step of self-compromise before marriage will be a big step towards your self-grievance after marriage.
Managing yourself is much more reliable than expecting others
In "Divorce Lawyer", Miao Jinru, after learning that Dong Dahai had cheated, cried and said such a sentence: I quit my job for you, gave up my career, took care of the children to run the housework, and took care of the elderly to do my best, but you were outside and messed with the grass, what about your conscience?
But Dong Dahai replied to her: "Don't say for me, whoever you marry will take care of the elderly with children to take care of the housework." Just this sentence, all the compromises and sacrifices that Miao Jinru made in the marriage were erased.
The plot comes from life, around us, how many people are living like Miao Jin rust, without their own social circle, fully for the family, husbands, children, parents and so on. Before marriage and after marriage, it is not only about men but also women, the change in appearance and body shape is not terrible, what is terrible is the change of attitude bipolarity.
Sacrificing or giving up something for the family is a relatively common phenomenon in real life, and this sacrifice exists not only between husband and wife, but also between parents and children, and we often hear: If it were not for you, what would I do.
And the other party, as the person being questioned, often replied with such words: Did I let you do this?
Their subtext is: Your sacrifice is not consented to by "I", it is an act of your own volition, and why do you morally kidnap "me".
You see how "thankless" you see, in life there are people who have never experienced it personally will really feel the same as you, most people are from their own point of view and solve problems, even themselves.
If your sacrifice is only in exchange for the other party's gratitude in return, then it is stupid, it is not an equivalent relationship, even if you have the courage to have nothing for the family, you are not afraid that the other party will dislike you without the ability to add icing on the cake.
In marriage, do not put yourself in an absolutely passive position, and live a happy and high-quality life, not to expect or educate the other party on what to do, but to plan yourself.
As the saying goes, women should never be "third-class" women: wait for their children to finish school, wait for their husbands to leave work, and wait for the TV series to start.
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