01.
Reader's Letter: Kaige, can you help me analyze it?
My husband's circle of friends, only about marriage invitations and updates about me, all blocked his ex.
Send other content as long as it is with the family, I have nothing to do with it, and WeChat has a star, notes for home and the most special friends.
The phone has also changed its name, and it has also been collected, and douyin is also paying attention.
I asked him, he said that it was impossible to be with his ex in this life, I wanted to ask him why he still had contact information, but I resisted, can I secretly delete it?
Before I was found on another WeChat, he deleted, and now his WeChat is almost useless, and he keeps contact information on this WeChat, and also has special notes.
Kaigo, what should I do? Usually get along, go home is to hold the phone, play games, do not talk to me much.
Stay up late until 1 or 2 o'clock at night, either play games, or brush videos, watch the circle of friends before going to bed, and the WeChat movement also pays special attention to the ex.
He did so because he was still thinking of his predecessor.
Kai Zi replied: Hello girl, many women will pay special attention to the dynamics of their husbands and exs after marriage, but let's think about two simple questions:
- 1, if the husband and ex have deeper feelings, why should they marry you?
- 2) Since he has already chosen you, why should he still be obsessed with his ex?
Have you noticed that these two issues are particularly contradictory, and that he must have chosen you for reasons that were impossible to be with his ex.
Looking at your concerns again, your husband doesn't seem to notice any intimate connection with his ex other than keeping his ex's contact details.
As for the circle of friends he sent you about you, he doesn't want his ex to see it, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting his ex to know his current state out of his mind.
But if you don't open the circle of friends he sent one by one and look carefully, how will you know?
You mentioned that his circle of friends sent a marriage invitation, maybe you have just gotten married, then have you ever asked yourself, what makes you so distrustful of your husband?
You can look at his phone so thoroughly, you already know that he didn't actually do anything out of the ordinary, just focused on the ex, so what are you worried about?
Worried about the resurgence of his old relationship with his ex?
Have you ever wondered why you have such worries and concerns?
Is your husband really going to break the connection with your ex, or are you projecting the fear of the lack of security onto your husband because you are insecure and afraid of being hurt?
In general, our relationship patterns as adults are not just about how you get along with your partner, but more on our relationships with our parents in the early years.
When a child does not receive a proper response from his parents at a young age, fear and hostility are easy to develop.
When this hostility cannot be released, it will make young people think that the outside world is going to hurt themselves, and this consciousness will habitually accompany us into adulthood.
This is why a person is prone to wild thoughts after entering an intimate relationship, and once she feels uneasy, she will attribute it outwardly.
She will try to manipulate the relationship because she has to resist the sense of loss of control, and she will constantly verify the other party because she is worried that the person in front of her is unreliable.
As long as the other person can't provide her with continuous emotional support, her heart will begin to panic.
But are these really the reasons for marriage and partnership?
In fact, most of them are not, but come from our own inner hostility towards the outside world.
This hostility will make you start to suspect that the other person is abandoning himself, and will also argue with him because of the desire for more love, so that the relationship between the two sides will be destroyed unconsciously.
I said in my security course that if a person is not secure, then her intimacy will be terrible, and that's why.
And once you project your own panic onto your partner, your communication with him will become questioning, criticizing, and complaining, which will inevitably lead to less and less communication between the two sides.
after
For example, when you ask him about his relationship with his ex, and you and he are struggling with these things that may never happen, just what you imagine, how do you ask him to answer you?
The communication between you revolves around whether he has betrayed you, whether he loves you enough, why should he pay attention to your ex, how should he communicate with you?
He has already explained to you that you don't trust you, so what is your communication around? Does he keep explaining?
Of course, insecurity is only part of the reason, and part of the reason is due to exposure to too many irrational ideas, which is the so-called poisonous chicken soup.
For example, some girls have some absolute requirements for their partners.
- You have to reply to my message right away;
- You have to hand me your pay card;
- You have to show me your phone at any time;
- You have to distance yourself from all the opposite sex and so on.
This is the criterion of taking subjective wishes as reality, and if the other party can't do it, they will feel disappointed, start to be anxious and crazy.
But these bad feelings come from the gap between your expectations and reality, or from the gap between your rational partner and your real partner.
If you want to improve your relationship, I suggest that you take a good look at these anxieties in your heart now, is it your husband or yourself who makes you uneasy?
Is it your husband's ex, or yourself, who is really breaking your relationship?
How you and she are also very concerned about the relationship between your husband and other members of the opposite sex, you can send me a private message, I will help you analyze what is wrong, and tell you what to do.
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