The success path of "genius" can never be copied, and so can Gu Ailing

On February 8, China's Gu Ailing at a post-match press conference. Photo by Xinhua News Agency reporter Lan Hongguang

■ Reporter Zhang Peng

At the Beijing Winter Olympics, China's Gu Ailing won the championship with his outstanding performance in the final of the freestyle ski jump. Only 18 years old, ski genius, Stanford "school bully", love basketball, cross-country and other sports, can dance ballet, or the darling of the fashion industry... While Gu Ailing is among the "national idols", she is also praised by many netizens as the ceiling of "other people's children".

In the past two days, various posts that dig deep into Gu Ailing's growth experience and introduce Gu Ailing's mother Gu Yan's parenting experience have "dominated the screen" on social media, almost setting off a phenomenon-level wave of parenting learning.

This scene is familiar. From the former pianist Lang Lang, the poetry talent Wu Yishu to the Peking University mathematical genius Wei Dongyi... Whenever "genius teenagers" or "other people's children" emerge around them, there are always countless parents who seriously study the family education stories of "geniuses" and try to summarize one or two parenting scriptures or success codes that can be copied.

Can the "genius" parenting treasure book be copied and promoted? In this regard, many academic experts agree that a family's parenting concept is essentially a reflection of the living environment and cultural habits, but the impact on the child's growth experience and even the road to success is actually "minimal". Instead of spending time to reproduce the path of "genius", parents should follow the laws of education and follow the trend.

As Ren Yuan, a professor at Fudan University's School of Social Development and Public Policy, said, "Every child is different, but they need encouragement in the process of growing up." Let children in any life background be able to achieve their own continuous breakthroughs and continuous growth through the efforts of the day after tomorrow, which is what education should do."

"Parenting Success Learning" over and over again? Many parents' thinking is a bit "biased"

Gu Ailing's mother graduated from Peking University and Stanford University; her father graduated from Harvard University; her grandfather also graduated from Stanford University, and even her grandparents graduated from 985 University... On the Internet, compared with Gu Ailing's own efforts, its luxurious version of the high-IQ family structure has become the talk of many netizens.

There is also a detail that has been disclosed, which has also impressed countless parents. "Every summer vacation, my mother would fly back to Beijing from the United States with Gu Ailing to study the Olympic Mathematics in Huangzhuang, Haidian. The so-called Haidian mathematics study for 10 days is worth a year of study in the United States. Gu Ailing's mother Gu Yan has also been described by netizens as "the ceiling of Haidian mother".

With Gu Ailing winning the championship, her study experience and family structure have been "pickpocketed" by the vast number of netizens. On the Internet, for children who have succeeded in a certain field, the family parenting treasure book is as fast as "standard", which seems to be the norm.

Interestingly, in the face of all kinds of "parenting success learning", parents read it with relish, but the feedback was mixed. Taking Gu Ailing as an example, some people claim to "lie flat" after seeing Gu Ailing's family structure: "The success of one generation depends on the efforts of three generations" "The gene is too strong, and her starting point is the end of ordinary people"... This group of parents believes that no matter how hard their children work, they cannot jump out of the shackles of the original family.

There are also many parents who bluntly say that they are "encouraged" and are ready to emulate Gu Yan and use all the resources in the family to "strive to lift their children". They found that in order to support her daughter's dream, Gu Yan would prepare food and drink in advance every weekend, regardless of wind and rain, and personally drive 8 hours round trip to send Ai Ling to training. Just as the phrase "chicken babies are not as good as chickens themselves" in the circle of friends, many parents have also begun to fall into reflection.

The role of over-exaggerating the concept of parenting is a manifestation of educational impetuosity

Parents' eagerness to learn is commendable, and the social sentiment of pursuing and worshipping "success" is also a common sentiment of people, but many scholars have issued a kind reminder: blindly learning the growth experience of "other people's children" and exaggerating the role of parenting concepts is actually a manifestation of educational impetuosity.

"I hope to make some kind of parenting summary of Gu Ailing's success and replicate it to more ordinary children, which is itself a 'placebo' imagined by parents." Ren Yuan, a professor at Fudan University, tried to analyze the "Gu Ailing phenomenon" that is brushing the screen from a sociological perspective. He quoted a famous saying by the French master of thought, Pierre Bourdieu, "The environment and habits of life determine the growth and achievement of individuals", and the success of Gu Ailing is also inseparable from personal efforts and the result of cultural habits composed of his living environment, including the differences in human achievements, personalities and development brought about by differences in educational opportunities. In short, Gu Ailing's success is by no means created by the so-called "successful parenting concept".

In fact, in the media interview with Gu Ailing, her sentence moved many people: "What I want everyone to know is that I am not relying only on talent, otherwise it would be too unfair, because I work very, very hard." ”

Sun Yunxiao, vice president of the China Family Education Society and researcher at the China Youth Research Center, found that the Beijing Winter Olympics set off a "whirlwind of Gu Ailing" and is expanding from the sports world to the entire education industry, which seems to bring unimaginable stimulation and pressure to many parents. "It is recommended that parents should not be confused by some simple appearances, but strive to discover the laws of children's growth and education." First of all, we must recognize the differences in talent, and secondly, we must discover the potential advantages of children and give appropriate education. ”

Let the child release the potential, is the beneficial enlightenment brought by the "Gu Ailing Whirlwind"

Compared with the study of the success paths of some "other people's children", what is more worthy of parents to "taste" is the motivation to support children to surpass themselves.

At this year's Beijing Winter Olympics, Gu Ailing's last jump was a difficult move that he had never challenged before. She once revealed after the game: "I talked to my mother on the phone after the second jump, my mother let me go to 1440, if I play well, I can get a silver medal, but I said I don't want it, I want to go to the difficulty, my mother said well, the choice is your own, I hope you can enjoy the game." Gu Ailing said that the reason why she did this is to let the world see that she is not afraid or afraid, and has been challenging herself and breaking through the limit.

"Success needs to be driven by success, and a series of successful experiences give Gu Ailing a strong internal drive, allowing her to confidently and bravely challenge new heights." Sun Yunxiao also talked about the law of talent growth: for many children today, they live in an environment with relatively abundant material conditions, but they also carry high expectations from their families and high pressure from their studies. "In fact, children need more respect and more colorful experiences in order to release their true potential, which is the beneficial enlightenment brought by the 'Gu Ailing Whirlwind'."

"Family education is particularly important because each family's own structure, environment, and interaction methods are different, and they have their own unique models, which are difficult to replicate." Yu Qinfang, director of the Family Education Research and Guidance Center of the General Education Institute of the Shanghai Academy of Education, found after contacting and studying many family cases that Chinese parents are always good at using the advantages of "other people's children" to unrealistically spur their children, especially in today's developed network, and the role model of spurning has also expanded from neighbors to the entire social network.

After reading one "genius growth record" like Gu Ailing, many scholars, including Ren Yuan, issued an appeal: the most important parenting concept that parents should establish is that each child has its own path to success. "Your children don't need to be Gu Ailing, let the children become themselves."

Source: Wen Wei Po