Gu Ailing's mother's top chicken doll technique: the courage not to be hated by others

—— 1 ——

At the Winter Olympics, Gu Ailing, the holder of the American-Chinese permanent residence, won the big jump competition. The gold medal sparked a lively chicken discussion.

Almost all the remarks revolved around how rich Gu Ailing's family really was, and how much background her parents had, as a father of two children, Gu Ailing attracted me, and it was her answer at the press conference.

That face that has not been bullied, a stretched expression, a reply without hatred, blooming with a full mental state,

This is the highest state of the chicken baby: a child with full emotional energy, able to adjust to himself, adapt to a complex environment and emotionally stable.

People who emphasize the wealth of Gu Ailing's family deliberately avoid: Gu Ailing comes from a single-parent family.

Money, or the integrity of the family, does not prevent Gu Ailing from being strong.

—— 2——

On February 8, a reporter from the British newspaper "Guardian" confronted the winning Gu Ailing and asked a sharp question: how she views the questions she has received on American social media.

Check the relevant background information, this is not a good question to answer.

Gu Ailing hardly hesitated, and naturally burst out a series of positive answers. (Chinese translated below)

I don't want to satisfy everyone, I'm just an 18 year old girl and I just want to be able to enjoy my own life.

In fact, I don't really care what other people think of me, I feel like I'm doing my best and enjoying the whole process.

If someone doesn't believe me or doesn't like me, then it's their loss. They can't be Olympic champions.

I know that my heart is good, and I know that the decisions I make are in the common good of as many people as possible, and I feel that this will bring greater benefits.

If someone doesn't believe that this is what I meant, then it just means that they don't have enough empathy to understand the kindness of others, probably because they have different values than me.

Nor am I going to waste my time with people who are not educated enough.

—— 3 ——

I saw, in this instant, that she demonstrated 4 abilities:

The ability to control emotions

When confronted with sharp questions, she did not show any unhappiness, did not show an instinctive fighting mood, fought back, did not show a strong sense of avoidance, and played various diplomatic rhetoric. Her reply, that is, answered the question, was not induced by the question. When she controlled her emotions, the accidents that appeared in her life were nothing more than a natural wave.

--The ability to separate topics

Europe has a story of a quick knife chopping mess, a geldios knot. Legend has it that "whoever unties the knot becomes the king of Asia Minor." Alexander the Great drew his sword and said, "In my Alexander way!" "A sword cut the knot in two.

In the face of an unexpected question, Gu Ailing's best reaction is that she makes a quick judgment, and she does not need to make any response to others questioning her. With a mouth on someone else, there is no end to responding to questions. She just needs to tell her own story. In the face of sharp questions, she confronts the topic directly, but does not follow the topic set by the questioner. To this end, the Guardian reporter's question was cut off by Gu Ailing and simply unraveled.

- Self-acceptance, proper self-awareness

The reputation of social media often greatly affects a person's words and deeds, and its roots lie in self-awareness. Self-awareness, which comes from the depths of the soul, has some needs and fears that are rooted in the deepest part of the heart, such as the need to be loved, the fear of losing the love of others; the need to make oneself meaningful, the fear of meaninglessness. Self-consciousness is always tied to oneself and severely bound by one's own words and deeds. But an emotionally stable person, with the right sense of self, can not care about external evaluation, choose to do the right thing, and express himself freely.

- Ability not to expect recognition

If the purpose is to get praise, then eventually you will choose a lifestyle that caters to the values of others. When confronted with sharp questions, the first reaction of traditional Chinese students is to pander to the approval of skeptics. It is worth reflecting on why people should seek the approval of others? In many cases, this is due to the natural reaction of the influence of reward and punishment education. Pandering to recognition is rewarded, and not being recognized is punishable. People who do not expect approval do not need to be so constrained.

—— 4 ——

Gu Ailing is indeed extraordinary.

At the age of 18, she published an article in the New York Times titled "I Confess, I Fell in Love with Fear," I Admit It. I’m in Love With Fear.

She said:

We don't ignore fear, but rather build a unique relationship with it by cultivating a deep sense of self and conducting a deliberate risk assessment. Whether athletes lessen or exacerbate their inner desire to "prove themselves" depends largely on confidence. When I was just an adult, I was proud of the work I did to cope with stress that boosted my self-esteem and minimized my need for external affirmations. I focus on gratitude, vision, and the joy that the sport brings to me, whether I'm alone or in front of a global television audience. While my view of myself and the world is constantly changing, one thing is certain: no matter how long time passes, I will always be a hopeless romantic in the face of fear.

Yes, it is her strong self-confidence and stable self-awareness that make Gu Ailing have a relaxed and stable performance at the press conference.

—— 5 ——

So, in addition to accumulating experience in sports, what is unique about her family education?

Gu Ailing's mother, Gu Yan, said,

"What education do I have?" I don't care about her."

"I just let her sleep enough... To talk about the concept, I remember two sentences, the first sentence is what their teacher said when Ailing entered the school, do not correct their typos, do not hit the child's creativity. The second sentence is the concept learned, praise them less for their intelligence, more praise for their efforts. ”

—— 6 ——

Being as rich as Gu Ailing's family is an unattainable goal. This does not prevent us from learning to correctly chicken babies, so that children have a face that is not bullied like Gu Ailing, how should we parents learn?

Enough love, tolerance, tolerance, to give up the parents' narcissistic desire to control. Give your child freedom, give your child the right encouragement, and encourage them to work hard.

-- Supporting children to participate in competitive sports. People are like playing games, in the competitive sports to play more monsters, experience more, they will grow.

Rich parents can give their children more choices, and parents who are not so rich can still give their children enough choices.

Skiing is expensive, love and sport, not expensive.

(About the author: Junior emotional coach, moderate anxiety recoverer.) Bachelor of Political Science and Law, Cheung Kong Graduate School of Business EMBA, Visiting Scholar of Columbia University, Visiting Scholar of Central European University, Think Tank Researcher, Columnist. ）