Ignition Dimension (ID: chaintruth) original
Produced by Burning Finance
Author | Zhang Lin Cao Yang Kong Yuexin
Feng Xiaoting Xie Zhongxiu Lu Jingzhi
Edit | Cao Yang
"Is there an object?" "When will you get married?" For unmarried young men and women, urging marriage is an inescapable topic in the Spring Festival. In addition to the "double" marriage urging during the festive season, there are also blind dates arranged by the family during the holidays.
Before the Spring Festival, a Weibo topic called #Blind Date Planning by Programmers Rushed to the Hot Search. In the topic, a programmer working in Beijing posted his trip planning table for 7 blind dates in 7 days to the forum, and lamented that it was really "not Versailles, blind dates are more difficult than going to work", which attracted a large number of netizens to watch. The comment area has thus become a "grievance meeting" for netizens: "Empathy, I was arranged 3 blind dates in one day", "Every New Year when I go home, I feel that I am an emotionless blind date machine", "I suffer more on blind dates than when I go to work"...
Coincidentally, during the Spring Festival, the topic of "female white-collar workers were arranged to have 6 blind dates in 7 days" was once again on the hot search, and XiaoXia, a single female white-collar worker in Jiangsu, felt pressure because of the elders' urging marriage, could not sleep at night, and did not have the energy to work during the day. During the 7-day Spring Festival holiday, Xiao Xia was arranged for 6 blind dates. She was diagnosed with "pre-segment syndrome". Experts say that this is a psychological problem, young people should learn to self-regulate, and parents should also fully respect their children's wishes.
The blind date experience of Beijing programmers and female white-collar workers is not unique, and the oranges that are also drifting north are arranged to have 14 blind dates in 7 days, one in the morning and afternoon every day, and it is the father's parents who bring their children to "visit". Orange told Burning Finance that every morning to start dressing up, and then meet with the boy who was "arranged" by his parents, the parents of the two sides chatted in the courtyard, leaving two soulless blind date "tool people" in the living room awkward chat.
"It's either on a blind date or on the way to a blind date." Because she really couldn't stand the multiple blind dates arranged by her parents every day, Yuanyuan simply picked an "honest person" in the eyes of her parents and said to her parents, "It feels good, you can try." But she originally wanted to "liberate" herself but found that it backfired, "My parents asked me every day whether I sent WeChat to each other and when I went out on a date." Yuanyuan said to Burning Finance and Economics that she originally wanted to lie about the past, who knew that the other party was a "mother treasure man", and reported to her parents in every detail, causing her to be forced by her parents to be more tight.
Of course, parents have arrangements, young people have countermeasures, and posts on various social platforms about how to deal with blind dates are endless. On Weibo, #How to deal with blind dates in the New Year#, #What should I do if I am urged to get married by my family during the New Year,, #今年你相亲了吗? #, #Can you get love by dating? # Topics related to the Spring Festival blind date have been repeatedly on the hot search. On the Little Red Book, there are more than 10,000 notes related to the "Spring Festival Blind Date", including many notes related to the "Spring Festival Personal Rescue Guide".
But whether it is active choice or passive acceptance, blind dates have undoubtedly become the norm for most single young people. In this issue of The Tavern, we talk to a few young people who are experiencing or have experienced blind dates, and talk about their journey of blind dates. Many of them introduced the blind date and found that it was the same person; some family gatherings turned into blind dates and "died on the spot"; there were also blind dates who were deceived into "flashing away" with their wives for three days; of course, there were also blind dates that went to high school classmates to directly "see the right eye".
Behind the Chinese-style blind date is both the helplessness and anger of young people, and the eagerness and lack of care of elders. If parents can fully respect their children's wishes, and children will not completely resist rebellion, then blind dates may become a way to broaden their social circles.
During the Spring Festival 10 blind dates, I was "imprisoned" at home for 5 days
Orange | 27 years old Media
My hometown is in a small county town in Fujian, and our girls got married early. Because I was admitted to Beijing to go to university, after graduation and continue to stay in Beijing to work, every day overtime until ninety o'clock, there is no time to fall in love, accidentally became the eyes of others as the "older leftover women", the hometown is as old as me the girl is already the mother of two children.
Before the Spring Festival, I saw a news item mentioning that as of 10:40 on January 10, 2022, 12,831 "post-00s" in Fujian had registered their marriages, including 22 men and 12,809 women. I shivered for a while, thinking about those long-lost three sisters and six wives, seven aunts and eight uncles, in the 10 days after learning that the Year of the Tiger had just begun, the "post-00s" of marriage registration had exceeded 10,000, and I didn't know what it would be like to be urged to marry again this year.
When I returned to my hometown nervously, I realized that I was about to face 10 blind dates, and our local custom was that parents would take the man to the girl's house to go on a blind date, which was a bit similar to the feeling of "mentioning kissing". Knowing that I had to see a blind date every morning and afternoon, I felt like I was "imprisoned." Every morning, I get up and get dressed up, usher in the first blind date, eat lunch at noon, and take a little rest to be the second.
The family was greeted and sent to be busy, but my heart was extremely tormented, and I felt that I was a manipulated "marionette". I couldn't have been clearer in my parents' minds, they wanted me to find a local boy to marry, to stay by their side and teach their children, without having to suffer outside. But the education I received was not just to pursue a stable life, I wanted to change the fate of living only in a small city through my own efforts and struggles.
In the gap of blind dates, I took the time to meet female classmates who played well in junior high school and girlfriends in high school, who had long been married and had children and had a stable life. But I was very envious of my freedom, and I was very sure that their lives were not what I wanted.
Two of the ten blind dates are the type I like, but the other party clearly states that the prerequisites for the relationship are to return to my hometown as soon as possible, and there are three who have a good feeling for me, two of which are the same preconditions, the only boy who supports me to pursue my dreams, said that he can also take into account the development of the city where I am located, so I decided to continue to understand, not necessarily to let each other come to my city, but I think respect for each other is the premise of the beginning of the relationship.
Blind date meets "Ma Bao Man"
Taking a blind date with a mother is not the most excessive
Ya ya | 28-year-old media worker
When there was still a month before the Spring Festival holiday, my parents began to get busy, but instead of busy preparing New Year goods, they began to take stock of the blind dates they had been looking for in the past year, and arranged blind dates for me to return home for the Spring Festival.
I also began to fall into anxiety from that time, and when I thought of going home to rush to the scene, I didn't even want to go home. But it should still come a weekday afternoon, I suddenly received a phone call, is an aunt's voice, "I am so-and-so's mother, listen to your mother said that you want to come back during the Spring Festival, you can first add WeChat, nothing to talk about, familiar with it in advance." Then the aunt began to introduce his son enthusiastically. At this point, I have raised an eyebrow on the other end of the phone, what character boy will let his mother come forward to help meet the girl?
As a courtesy, I added WeChat anyway. After almost a month of awkward conversation, we had our first meeting, but I was stunned again the moment I walked into the restaurant, where he and his mother were waiting for me at the restaurant. Watching his mother's painstaking hot spot, I felt a little sad for her. After ten minutes of warming up, his mother left, leaving the two of us to talk.
When I got home, I told my mom that I thought this boy was a bit "mommy" and didn't want to continue to contact. My mother said that the boy was too honest and a little shy, so I wanted to try it again, at the same time, my mother mysteriously took out five or six photos and asked me which one to see first. When I met the third boy, I really felt a little annoyed, because I didn't want to waste my good vacation on boring socializing, I simply told my parents that I felt that the first boy was not bad, first contact to try.
Although there is no need to rush to the blind date, my parents still ask every day "Did you chat with so-and-so today?" "How's it going?" "Go out to see the movie to eat and eat", holding the "shield card", I naturally opened my mouth to come, and went out with friends in the name of dating, and came back with a sentence of "chat very well", thinking of mixing up the holiday, looking back and finding a reason not to contact.
But I still ignored the personality of the other party's "mom treasure", when my mother took a screenshot of my chat with him and asked me what it was called "chat is very good", I knew that every time we chatted and dated the details, he would report everything to his mother, and his mother asked my mother to talk to me and let me "have a snack".
No way, I decided to talk to my parents seriously, tell them that I really don't want to date a guy who opens his mouth and closes his mouth, "My mom said...", and the rest have no spark, not just because they are what you call "honest people", I will continue. When they learned what I really thought, they also said that they would no longer force me to go on a blind date, but they still encouraged me to make more friends. Of course, I also said that I would grasp it and let them worry less.
Family gatherings disguised as a matchmaker, and I was embarrassed to get out of the sky
Day one | 29-year-old male data analyst
Going on a blind date every year during the Spring Festival holiday, or going on a blind date every little long holiday, has become a default thing in my holiday arrangement. In my parents' opinion, no matter what happened, it was not as big as a blind date. In addition, I have a great aunt who is particularly fond of and is particularly good at matching people, so every long vacation, as few as one or two or as many as four or five blind dates can always be properly arranged.
But this year is a little different, because this year's first blind date is embarrassing to death, and I also made it clear to my parents that I really don't want to be a robot anymore, and I want to take a quiet vacation.
Our company's Spring Festival holiday was released 2 days earlier than the legal time, because I was working in the city where I was born, which did not involve buying tickets to go home, and my parents felt that since they were released in advance, it was better to advance the family gathering, so that it could avoid the New Year period if the epidemic control was upgraded, there was no way to eat together.
But I never expected that my mother, together with my aunt, directly arranged a family-watched blind date for me. In fact, two days before the meal, I felt a little strange, my mother has been urging me to cut my hair, but also asked me if there is a lack of more formal clothes, you can go shopping to help me buy. But I didn't think much about it at the time, just thinking that maybe I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to cut my hair, after all, we still have the custom of "not cutting my hair during the first month".
On the day of the meal, the ordered twelve o'clock meal began to call me at eight o'clock in the morning, let me clean up after myself, and said that I had not seen my aunt for a long time, giving them a good image, without revealing the fact that the family party also "hid" a blind date.
But coincidentally, just as we were about to go out, there was a particularly tricky data at work that I needed to deal with. There was no way, I just had to take care of the work first and let them go first. In the 1 hour I was dealing with work, my mother could be said to have staged a "death-killing serial call" for me. After work, in a hurry, I went out "without an image".
The moment I pushed open the restaurant door, I was dumbfounded. Except for my aunt, the other seven or eight aunts and eight aunts did not see each other, but they saw a girl they did not know and her mother. That scene, combined with the image I was in at the time, is really not an embarrassment that can be described. But my mother's psychological construction is really strong, just like that, you can also praise me, saying that I usually care about the details, today is just too busy at work and so on.
At first, I could barely smile, but I was not prepared to add to the image of a completely family gathering, so that the more I sat there listening to them chatting, the more angry I became, and finally I couldn't hold on, and I fled the scene under the pretext of going to the bathroom.
Of course, I also know that this is very faceless for my mother and aunt, but I also need face. After returning home, I told them very seriously that this year's Spring Festival blind date ended here. They also seemed to realize that the blind date was wrong, so they gave me a vacation.
The world is so small that friends and family introduce the same person
Li Jiabei | 23 years old flexible employment
On the second day of the Chinese New Year, our family and my aunt and family went back to my grandparents' house for a reunion dinner, and before I sat down in the house, my aunt smiled and dragged me and my mother to the side and said, "Babe, your sister-in-law's unit has a colleague's son who is one or two years older than you, and after graduating from college, he went home to work, worked in a state-owned enterprise, looked good, or you will meet at an appointment." ”
To be honest, I had psychological expectations before I came, and I would definitely be arranged for a blind date, but I really hadn't thought about it with a long gun like my aunt. "Big sister, you advise Babe to meet him at an appointment in the next year." Such boys are very sought-after, I also Chinese New Year's Eve went to your sister-in-law's unit to attend the annual meeting with the boy's mother that day to know, the parents are people who know the book, this kind of in-laws will not be angry when they marry in the past. ”
Later, my aunt also talked about the situation in the boy's family, such as what level the boy's parents were, how many years they had retired, how much retirement salary they had every month, and where the family lived in which villa area... When I heard the boy's home address, I was stunned, this neighborhood is not the same neighborhood where my aunt lives, and a few months ago my aunt gave me crazy Amway her neighbor's son, and when she visited her house a few years ago, she also said to me, "My aunt wants you to live next door to me." The implication is, "If you marry the boy, you will become my neighbor." ”
After listening to my aunt say the boy's work unit, I vaguely felt in my heart that "this boy has a 90% probability of being my aunt's neighbor's child." Sure enough, after going to college school for boys and specific ages for boys, I'm sure this is a person.
Coincidentally, this boy and my girlfriend are in the same unit, and naturally, my girlfriend has also introduced this boy to me. "I became a leader at a young age, and I am friendly and friendly, and I am very compatible with you." My girlfriend with a boyfriend has always assured me of my "life events", and also patted me on the chest and said, "According to my observations for half a year, this is a good person." ”
To tell the truth, before I did not believe in "friend introduction", "blind date" and so on, but now I still have a little interest in this boy, after all, boy colleagues, boy parents colleagues, boy neighbors, people from all three parties have said to me "be early, don't go to the treasure", then it seems that this boy is really good, maybe you can really meet in the next year.
Blind date cheated into the same wife, 3 days after marriage I "flashed away"
Xiao Lu | 29 years old civil servant
I'm a "surfer" and I occasionally see posts on the Internet about blind dates encountering cheating gays, but I always thought it was far from real life, and I didn't expect it to come to me one day.
I grew up as a well-behaved girl and have been studying work and life step by step. After graduating from university, I also obeyed my parents' arrangement and was admitted to the local civil service.
Dramatically, shortly after I worked, I was greeted by my parents, elders, senior colleagues, and even department leaders, and I was obviously regarded as a "flood beast" by my parents when I fell in love during college. As a result, less than half a year after graduation, I did not fall in love, as if I had become an "old girl that no one wanted".
Forced by all kinds of pressure, I had to listen to my parents' arrangements to start a blind date, although there is a compilation of work to make me in the local blind date market become very "sought-after", but due to the local age of young men are relatively small, coupled with my personality is relatively slow, and there are many blind dates have stepped on my "minefield", so I have been in the blind date market for more than a year, still have not found a suitable object.
My parents and other people around me started to feel anxious about me, which made me feel more and more stressed. At this time, my ex-husband and I were introduced to each other by an acquaintance, who was a teacher at our local city no. 1 middle school, and was also facing the situation of "being urged to marry at an older age".
After meeting, we had a good impression of each other, plus the conditions and family of both of us were relatively matched, so although I did not feel moved, I still tried to start a relationship.
In the most of the year we have known each other, although my ex-husband is very polite and considerate, and I and my family are quite harmonious, I always feel that there is no closeness between us, but considering that the blind date is just to find a partner to marry, I also reluctantly persuade myself to be relieved.
After we met for a year, because of the tight urging of both parents and the fact that he was also good to me, we had a wedding. What I never expected was that my nightmare also came with the wedding. After marriage, his attitude towards me suddenly became very cold, and he still did not want to have an intimate relationship with me. Under the "persecution" of my family and me, he finally admitted that he was gay, and his parents did not know about it, so they forced him to marry.
Not only did my parents and I collapse, but even his parents and my relatives and elders were angry. The day after the wedding, we went to his unit and made a big fuss, directly asking him to "die in front of colleagues, leaders and students". Eventually we divorced on the third day after we got married, and the farce came to an end quickly.
After that, I was depressed for a long time before I came out, and my parents still did not dare to "blatantly" urge marriage as before, and I felt free and relieved. As for my ex-husband, I heard that he moved out of our city in a hurry after we divorced.
Blind date to "white moonlight", since then quit the "blind date world"
Lion 丨 25 years old copywriter
I was in 1996, and strictly speaking, I had just turned 25 years old. But since I graduated in 2018, my mother has been giving me blind dates every Spring Festival.
Although I have always been single, I am not in a hurry, after all, I feel that I am not old and married early. Unfortunately, my mother was too anxious and always mentioned this matter to me before graduation. So in the three or four years since graduation, I have met a dozen boys, but I have not met satisfied. The main thing is that it feels inappropriate and can't talk, for example, there was a boy before, he didn't know what I liked, and I wasn't interested in what he liked.
But my mom wasn't influenced by me at all and still enjoyed it. During the Spring Festival this year, my mother told me that there was a matchmaker who wanted to introduce me to the object, but it was from the same village, and I was particularly shocked when I heard it, because the matchmaker intended to introduce my "white moonlight" - my junior high school intentional boy. But my mother said that it was too close, the villagers, afraid of embarrassment, so she refused. As soon as I heard this, I quickly made an excuse and told my mother that I was not embarrassed and that it was nothing to see.
Hence the blind date. On January 28, he returned home from out of town, and the first thing he did when he came back was to ask me to meet. When I was in junior high school, I liked him because he looked clean, and although he was quiet, he felt very gentle and gentle, and he smiled very well. Before we met, I was still a little afraid, although the online chat was good, but I was also afraid that time had passed so long, people had changed and so on. But everything was surprisingly beautiful, and I met at a local restaurant with a good environment, and he also prepared me a bouquet full of stars, which was particularly beautiful. At dinner, although he is very straight and not very good at chatting, he still tries to find a topic. It was a great feeling to meet on the day.
The next day, he also prepared breakfast and specially delivered it to my place of work. Although I was overjoyed, I also provoked my colleagues to coax me. That afternoon, his sister returned from out of town, and we made an appointment to eat hot pot together, and we made an appointment to go back to our hometown in town the next day.
Everything went very smoothly and very quickly, and after sending me home the next day, he even took out the fruit gifts prepared for my parents from the trunk. It's just that although my parents tried their best to keep him for dinner, I felt that it was not right to eat Chinese New Year's Eve meal together, and drove him back to his home. We have been spending the past few days together, and we have a common topic of mutual satisfaction.
I learned later that he might have been thinking about me. Because after the blind date he told me that if I refused, he would continue to chase me. Up to now, my friend has recommended blind dates to me, and I am indifferent. At least for now, the blind date has "nothing to do with me."
My mom introduced me to the object
As a result, his father became her good buddy
Lola | 30-year-old self-media worker
I had already practiced the anti-marriage dafa, but when I was nearly thirty years old, I still did not resist my mother's eloquence and agreed to go on a blind date.
The other party I am like me from the northeast to Beijing to work hard, I was still in the last company to do the market, the other party is in a Beijing art university doctorate, because the temperament of the art man can not resist, I can not help but have a little expectation.
The meeting place was a Western restaurant on the first floor of the hotel, and I opened the menu with a little shiver and chose a unique three-digit pizza. The other party was completely different from the art student I remembered, with a large body, many words and dense words. Because I personally don't like boys who talk too much, I am indifferent to the two hours of gushing of the other party.
I can also see that the other party is not interested in me, so after the separation, the two sides said with a fake smile that there was time to make another appointment next time, and then they tacitly did not contact again.
Later, in order to cope with my mother, I did not say anything out, but perfunctorily said that the other party was always on a business trip, and if I had time next time, I would make another appointment. I didn't expect my ambiguous answer at the time, but it made my mother like a "male girlfriend." ”
In order to further match me and my blind date, my mother and the other's father kept in touch, exchanged information, inquired into our minds, and told each other about our tempers and preferences, hoping that the other party would play our emotional role.
As a result, my mother and the other party's father had a very good conversation. Originally, these two had known each other before, but they were not very familiar with each other, and they had only met once or twice. Later, the two people chatted more and more energetically, because my mother opened a Chinese medicine hall, and the other party's father also went to give my mother a show, which was quite a taste of the netizen line.
A few months later, my mom asked me again if I was making progress with my blind date, and I felt that things could not continue to be confused, so I told the truth. As a result, my mother did not think of being lonely or angry, but said, "I almost guessed it, and the other party's father also said it, and he didn't mean that to you." ”
I was surprised to ask, are you two still through the gas? My mother said proudly, "I am in a good place with people now, two days ago he also took his wife to our Chinese medicine hall, and both of them have a membership card for a year." ”
I was momentarily gagged, introduced me to the object, but found myself a buddy, if I could have half of my mother's social, I guess I would have taken off the single hundred times.
*The caption and the text illustrations are from Visual China.
*Xiaoxia, Yuanyuan, Orange, Yaya, Tianyi, Li Jiabei, XiaoLu, Lion, and Lola are pseudonyms
*Disclaimer: In no event shall the information herein or the opinions expressed herein constitute investment advice to any person.