Problems are not to be solved, but to see the truth of things. Only by seeing the truth of the matter clearly can it be possible to truly solve the problem.
Colleague Zhang's child is in the first grade this year, since the child went to primary school, Zhang's temperament has changed greatly, every day seems very tired, more obviously Zhang's temper is getting more and more grumpy, at any time there is a possibility of explosion in situ.
In the exchange, Zhang sighed vigorously, and his daughter complained with his brow locked: "Oh my God, it's too hard to write, just write a few new words slower than the turtle." ”
"Write a few words and say you're thirsty and want to drink water. To write a few more words, you need to go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet in a daze. Writing a few more words and asking me what I'm going to eat for breakfast tomorrow, there seem to be a million reasons to avoid writing homework. ”
"I took a look at the saliva and looked at it, and before I could finish my language, I was reading my math homework again."
"I finished my homework at 10 o'clock at night, finished my homework reading and reciting at 11 o'clock, and fell asleep on the bed before I finished my homework."
"With just such a grinding force, I have to always prepare a quick-acting heart-saving pill."
Listening to the complaints of colleagues, I think many parents have similar feelings. Accompanying children to write homework is indeed a challenge for parents, but also a test, just like a saying on the Internet: do not write homework mother kind filial piety, a writing homework chicken flying dog jump.
However, the problems that appear in the child are placed here, as the child's closest person, in addition to spitting, angry, complaining, yelling, whether to calm down and think about the reasons behind the problem, through the problem to see the essence, is what we should do.
I remember an old teacher once said that there is no born stupid child, there is no born perfect child, and there must be a reason for the problems and conditions that occur in children.
Why do children procrastinate and rub on the homework, why does it take a long time to complete such homework, and why do they avoid writing homework for various reasons? We might as well look for the reason from 2 aspects:
The helplessness of the child
For children who have just entered primary school, everything in primary school needs to be understood and adapted, after all, kindergartens and primary schools still have great differences in class mode, schedule, teacher-student interaction, and curriculum system, especially the need to complete classroom homework and homework every day.
Because there are more homework items, there are writing homework, reading homework, memorizing homework, pre-study homework, etc., so many homework items are pouring in at once, a little dazzling, but also bring invisible pressure to children, they do not know which one to do for a while, how to do it, and a strong contrast of the next feeling of helplessness also follows.
If parents do not pay attention to the child's pressure and discomfort at this time, and the child does not know how to express his confusion and needs, the sense of helplessness will gradually deepen. When this feeling of helplessness cannot be accurately expressed in words, the child can only manifest itself in action, always looking for something other than homework to allow him to escape for a moment.
Parental anxiety
The overwhelming news on the Internet is pouring into us, parents are constantly urging when writing homework with their children, constantly roaring, jumping up and down, jumping like thunder, angrily smashing furniture, breaking pencils, and even slapping the child's head, as if they want to slap the child awake.
At the same time, many parents stand by their children's side with endless pity and roar:
"If you use your brain, where have you eaten?"
"As long as people like you, will teachers and classmates like you?"
"What do you think, you hurry up and write, what time are you going to grind it?"
"What can you do in the future, how can you get to the front with such a grind?"
Many families have appeared in such a situation, when the parents are not patient enough, they began to roar, followed by scolding, beating, all kinds of urging, irony, all kinds of depreciation, stimulation in turn, some parents said that this is because of anxiety, anxious for the child, and behind the anxiety is actually a deep anxiety.
Worry that the child's homework procrastination will affect the efficiency of the class and the progress of the exam, worry that the child will not seek self-improvement after the habit is formed, worry that the child's homework procrastination will affect the interpersonal communication in the class... It is precisely because of all kinds of anxiety that parents' emotions can easily explode, just like exploding in place.
A few days ago I saw a news that made me very uncomfortable, a 2-child mother in Wuhan tutored her 7-year-old food son to write homework, wrote until 1 a.m., the mother really couldn't stand it, the mood suddenly collapsed, took a kitchen knife to cut the child and hanged herself.
I am very sad for this mother, and even more sad for the child, however, scolding and yelling did not speed up the child's homework, but caused repeated blows and injuries to the child's young mind.
Those stinging words are their closest parents to say, children on the one hand to bear the pressure of homework, on the other hand to bear the verbal damage from parents, and even life will be threatened, in the long run, children from fear of writing homework to avoid, and then later resistance and self-abandonment, parental anxiety will eventually make children pay, this will be a heavy burden.
It's not terrible to have problems, it's terrible to find the root cause.
As a parent, the most irrational way to do things when the child has a problem is to complain, get angry, and reprimand the child, focusing on the problem itself will only be counterproductive, the following 3 methods may wish to try to help the child change the phenomenon of writing homework and dragging and grinding.
1. "The Key 20 Second Rule"
The "key 20-second rule" refers to the fact that when an action is activated within 20 seconds, the less energy it consumes, the easier it is for the brain to accept.
The key to getting started quickly about writing homework is that the task should be small enough and the energy for starting should be small enough.
Here are three principles for quick startup:
(1) Turn "big" into "small"
Turn a big task into several smaller tasks, starting with small tasks. For example, today's homework is to write 10 new words and group words, which can guide the child to divide the 10 new words into three parts, and then complete them one by one, and give the child encouragement to continue to complete the next homework.
(2) Start with "easy"
From easy to difficult, from simple to complex is the most basic principle of learning, but also our most acceptable way, the child is the same, which is the easiest for him to complete, from which one to start, each completion will accumulate a motivation to complete the next.
(3) Add the "Meditation" link
Only by concentrating can we embroider flowers, and only by being quiet can we weave hemp. Before writing homework, the child may have just returned from outside and is still immersed in the game with his friends, or maybe he has just left the TV and is still guessing the plot of the next episode...
At this time, you need to take the child to do a small meditation task, such as doing a finger exercise with the music, doing a few body movements to relax, meditating for 1 minute, etc., so that the child's heart can quickly calm down and return to the homework.
2. "List method" emptys the brain
Sometimes, children will still want to memorize homework when completing their writing homework, and they will still think about math homework when writing chinese homework, which will greatly reduce the child's concentration in writing homework, at this time, we will make a list of homework with the child, so that the child can see today's homework tasks, rather than all crowded in the head.
Empty your brain and do only one thing at a time.
There are 4 points that should be noted when creating a list:
(1) Do simple and like it first
(2) The order of the daily list is basically fixed
(3) The child decides the order in which to write the homework
(4) The child organizes and checks the list by himself
3. "Hooking" rewards the brain
When things are done, the brain secretes endorphins, which allow us to experience a sense of pleasure, which is a reward.
The checklist is to strengthen this feeling of happiness, the child completes a task on the list of a hook, until the list is all hooked after it means that today's tasks are all completed, that is a sense of accomplishment, but also a confidence and effort.
It is worth noting that the child needs to tick the list as a way to reward the brain and reward themselves, parents can not be indifferent only to be the audience, parents should give the child a reward in time, this reward can be a verbal reward, such as "Wow, completed a project, you are a hard worker", "Ah, good, this time the writing is much neater than just now, the mother sees that you are working hard." ”
It can also be a non-verbal reward, a thumb, a smile to affirm the child, touching the head, patting the shoulder to express appreciation, are all rewards and affirmations for the child.
After receiving such information, the child will be more confident, because he has been affirmed by the people closest to him, and he has the motivation to continue to work hard.
In this way, as long as we carefully analyze the reasons behind the problem, we can find a solution, and the solution is what children in difficulty need most.
On the road to growth, children need the help and support of their parents, and they need the encouragement and guidance of their parents.
Parents are the guides on the road of children's lives, and this road can only be walked once, so parents are the most important people for children.
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