We often hear people say that "having another child regrets three years, not regretting a lifetime", which shows that mothers feel that in the period from 0 to 3 years old, taking a child is the hardest thing.
The feeling of hard work will make mothers have the idea of going through these three years quickly, and we often say, "When my child goes to kindergarten, I will be much better."
These ideas make us overlook the most important mission of the moment – to accompany our children through this stage and develop the qualities needed at this stage.
This is what Erikson calls the first and second stages of the eight-stage theory of personality development.
To understand this theory and apply it flexibly, let's first understand Erikson as a person. By knowing him, we can help us understand his theory and the value of its existence.
Erikson, who had never gone to college, and his theory
Eriksen was born in 1902 in Frankfurt, Germany, to Danish parents. His biological father ran away from home before he was born, and his mother married someone else when he was 3 years old.
His mother and stepfather were Jewish, but he inherited his biological father's lineage—tall, blonde. So at school people thought he was Jewish, but in his stepfather's circle, people called him "pagan."
This particular life experience prompted him to think deeply about his future theoretical research. Many of his views also have a lot to do with his life experience.
Erikson did not go to college, and as a student of Freud's daughter, he only received a training certificate, but his unique insights in psychology were recognized by society, and he was hired as a professor by Harvard University and Yale University.
The reason why Erikson's theory is widely recognized and circulated is because he emphasized the influence of social and environmental factors on the basis of Freud's theory.
According to his theory, our lives are divided into eight stages, each of which has a specific development crisis, each of which involves a conflict between positive and negative choices.
The nurturing environment is directly related to whether the crisis can be actively resolved, and if it can be actively solved, it will form a good self-quality.
On the contrary, it will affect the development of the next stage or leave problems.
Therefore, as parents, how to better accompany our children through every turning point is what we should pay attention to.
Today, let's look at the first two stages of the theory, that is, the time when the child is 0 to 3 years old.
Phase I
(0--1 years):
Development tasks and crises – basic trust and basic mistrust
Self-quality - hope quality
This stage corresponds to Freud's lip period.
In the first year of life, the child is very weak, isolated, and almost entirely dependent on the care of the caregiver. Note that the nurturer is not necessarily a parent, but anyone who cares for him.
If the nurturer is able to meet the needs of the young child just right, the child can feel safe and warm during the care process.
For example, when the child is hungry, he will eat, when he is thirsty, he will have water to drink, when he wants to hold it, he will be hugged, and when he wants to sleep, there will be a quiet and comfortable space to rest fully.
Then the child will trust the nurturer, forming a basic sense of trust, which includes trust in himself and others.
In this way, he gains courage, and naturally he acquires the quality of hope. Once the quality of hope is formed, individuals will pay more attention to their own development and have a beautiful vision and hope for the future.
If the nurturer is unaware of the needs of the young child, or is very flustered, then the child will often worry that his needs will not be met, and a sense of distrust will be formed.
In this way, the child may later have anxiety in the face of the new environment, and may become timid in personality, or selfish, or even greedy.
It should be noted that the resolution of the crisis does not mean that one state completely overwhelms the other, and as long as the sense of trust exceeds the sense of distrust, then the crisis of this period is solved.
Because a certain degree of distrust is conducive to survival. Just think, a person who trusts anyone and everything is bound to get into trouble. The "silly root" in the movie world is a person who trusts others too much.
Therefore, it is good to be a "good enough" parent, not to pursue a perfect parent with 100 points, so that the child will also fall into an existential crisis in the future.
Stage 2 (1-3 years):
Development tasks and crises – autonomy and shyness and doubt
Self-quality – the quality of will
Corresponds to Freud's period.
At this stage, children have developed many skills, can climb, can walk, the mobility has been greatly improved, and the language has begun to develop. Children have some control over things and are able to decide whether to do something or not to do something.
As a result, there will be conflicts and contradictions between the wishes of the child himself and the will of the caregiver.
For example, children will explore a lot of novelties in their eyes, and they will also want to take the initiative to eat the food they want to eat. At this stage, they can easily emphasize the word "I", the most said is, "I want to eat this", "I want to play this", do not give him food and do not play him will lose his temper and cry.
At this time, the parent should restrain the child in accordance with the requirements of society, and must not harm the child's sense of self-control and autonomy. Therefore, the grasp of this period is particularly important.
If the parent can first clarify the rules, tell the child what can be done and what cannot be done, put away the items that may hurt the child, and let the child explore and discover within the rules. Then the child has a sense of autonomy and independence, so that a good quality of will can be formed, which is the internal driving force of people to success.
But if the parent is overly controlling or overprotective of the child, such as a child falling while learning to walk, the parent is overly anxious and worried, or does not let the child touch anything, thinking that unhygienic is dangerous. This way the child will feel self-doubting.
In addition, if the parenter is excessively indulgent and neglectful of the child, such as letting go, doing whatever he wants, or even defecating on the ground, the child will feel unappreciated and extremely detrimental to the establishment of shame.
Therefore, the balanced relationship between establishing a child's autonomy and dependence on the nurturer can successfully pass this stage.
Understanding this, we find that every stage of life in Erikson's theory is important.
Ignoring the most important transition period of the child because of a momentary effort is bound to affect the child's development. Just like a child's piano exam, if this stage is not completed well, it will inevitably affect the passing of the next level.
Moreover, unlike the exam level, once the child has passed a certain stage, it is impossible for us to turn back the clock and come back to make up for the regrets.
Therefore, living every present moment well should be what we seek.
Next time we will move on to the third and fourth stages.