The world is not perfect for the vast majority of people, and the perfect world does not exist. If one can treat your lovers, parents, and children with tolerance, satisfaction, and appreciation, then your world will be a better place.
My name is Xiao Ke. A lot of people say it's a cute and beautiful name, but for me, beauty is not my business card, not my face, not my face. Beauty represents my different understanding of the world, a different love. This is a landscape painting that hides deep in the heart and cannot be told. Beauty in my world is a kind of loss, but also a kind of repentance. It was so cruel and did not leave any trace.
I was born in a very backward ravine. In order to get rid of the difficult environment and live a better life, I chose the current city. But to me, the city is like a jungle, more like a desert, and it's desolate and helpless everywhere.
When I first went into town. My heart was broken, I was despised, I was indifferent, I was ridiculed, the people and things around me seemed out of place, I didn't feel the warmth and beauty of the city, although my appearance was still reasonable, but I had no ability to survive here, so I swore that I would do better than them, and let those who looked down on me look at me differently. Gradually, I had a foothold, a good job, and a temporary residence, and I also met my lover Xiaofeng at that time. We met, fell in love, and dated like crazy. After 5 years with Xiaofeng, no one understands our love. In this era of indifference, only Xiaofeng made me feel love, warmth and sunshine.
Then I got pregnant. Xiaofeng's excitement made me curl up in his arms like a cat. His mother also talks about everything every day, and they are happily planning for the future. However, love is weak, and love without financial backing feels very difficult. Marriage must be tied to money. No money, how to raise children, how to live in a good house, how to buy your own car? So I have stronger reasons. I have reason to fight for love, and I'm going to make more money.
That day we happened to meet the hateful Mr. Zhang at a party. He was a middle-aged man, medium-sized, looking a little fat, and he was looking straight at me, and there were some vague words in the corridor that I had a feeling of nausea. After that day, Mr. Liu contacted me and said that he would take Xiaofeng to do business. I knew in my heart that she had ill intentions toward me, but I had to endure a moment of unhappiness in order to live. If we start a business, isn't there hope in our lives? So I persuaded Mr. Zhang to cooperate with Xiao Feng. In order to buy shares, Xiaofeng began to borrow money everywhere, and also hit walls everywhere. Seeing the anxious little peak, I decided to ask my parents for help. Just like the game of feudal society, I asked Liu Zong for help, and he paid a sky-high price to ask me to leave Xiaofeng to be with him. Before he could finish speaking, he walked up to me and grabbed my hand, and I was struggling. My personality is stubborn and unyielding, and I and Xiaofeng refused to cooperate with Liu Zong.
Later, I went to my father for help, but my father looked disdainful and insisted that I not be with this poor egg, move out of the city and beat up this child, at that time I and Xiaofeng had not yet officially married, and the little life in my belly had been six months. My flesh and bones, he is also Xiao Feng's flesh and bones. But maybe my father was right. He couldn't give me the life I wanted. The child is gone, you can come again. We must have an economic foundation to be happy. I didn't say anything, I was thinking about the current situation, and I couldn't stand running around every day to make a living. I can't stand poverty. I couldn't afford to buy even beautiful clothes, so I finally decided to beat up my children. I plan to raise money to start a business first, after all, I also have some business experience. However, that day Xiao Feng anxiously shouted to me on the phone, if you give up the child, we can say that it is over, but I know that he can't leave me, and he won't ignore me. I'm really confident.
I will never forget that day. I walked out of the operating room alone and saw men waiting at the door of the obstetrics and gynecology department. Crying. Xiao Feng didn't know I was here. If he had known, he would have come to see me like crazy. Oddly enough, I haven't heard from him since that day. I tried my best to call him, but I couldn't get through. I knew he must hate me. I am a vulgar woman, I am a selfish woman, I am a vain woman, I am a cruel woman, but dear Xiaofeng, everything I do is for a brighter future, a bright future that can be with you.
Finally, the phone was not answered by Xiao Feng. On the other side of the phone was the voice of a stranger. He informed Xiao Feng that he had died in a traffic accident. That was the day I had an abortion. He just went to me like he was really crazy after hearing the phone. I think he must have been angry, he must have been in a hurry. I thought, I thought, I cried. I can't live without him. He can't do it without loving me. I have confidence, but sometimes no one can control it. I kept thinking about the voice of The Little Peak on the phone, if you beat the child, we're done.
My self-blame haunts me all day. Life became very empty and confused, and then I got married again, married a man I didn't love, and had a daughter. I don't love him. I just like his money. To me, he's just a tool to make money. Sometimes I feel sorry for this man. I was with him, but he never got my heart. He was too simple and too dull. He couldn't even see that I was bored with him. He didn't notice that I always avoided his intimacy, while I gave loneliness, memories, and little peaks. He just often wandered outside the door, living his own happy life, thinking that he was glad to have a happy family of three. And my daughter is the only reason I'm alive. She looked like a husband, but she was like Xiaofeng's character.
My life is full of many twists and turns. How much I'm upset, how much I hate myself, my world and time are occupied by Little Peaks, but what can I do? There are a lot of strange things in the world, but in the end there is no regret medicine, and there will be no perfect ending.
I've really changed. I don't have the power to love. For my current husband, I only know his money. However, Xiaofeng's death broke my heart and took my heart away. I'm an empty shell, but still mixed with some love. This love is complicated. How much do you miss this love? Pain and regret, I only use a lifetime of care to nourish my children, the character is very similar to Xiaofeng's daughter, let this happiness to make up for the lack of love.
@Xingyu's words: Love, eternal masterpiece, long, beautiful and somewhat cruel, makes us all think a lot. Let's imagine. If she marries Xiao Feng and admits material poverty, will the ending be good? If Xiaofeng can't meet her material needs, will her dissatisfaction break up because of their marriage? The world is not perfect, and life is not perfect. Dissatisfaction only made her more lost. And the core of marriage is that two people care about each other and love each other. Now that she has become a wife and mother, she should better meet the new life, which is not what Xiao Feng, who loves her, wants to see?
Feel free to share your views and share them together.