The author of this article to share with you today is a friend I admire very much - Yang Xiaomi.
She failed to study for graduate school twice, missed the golden period of finding a job, started from ordinary sales, achieved top 1 performance, and was known as the "big single killer".
For the sake of love, he resigned and planned to go to Beijing, but he had no choice but to break up, and impulsively changed his sign to Shanghai and started over. In 3 years, she went from ordinary staff to marketing director, and now she has started her own business and owned her own company.
She is the author of the book "Action Realization", has been ranked first in the Dangdang and JD New Book Inspirational List for many times, and is also a partner of the 30-day basic writing training camp, training 5,000+ students.
Her articles are all summaries of her own experience, involving the workplace, emotions, psychology, etc., to hit the heart and help you grow.
"My husband's house was demolished and divided into 7 suites, and I resigned and went home to have a baby..."
Wen 丨 Yang Xiaomi
01
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It's not the end of the year, I'm not so busy at work, and every week I will meet some friends, classmates and alumni from the university to exchange and learn from each other.
Among them, one gets an alumnus of the university and is also a lawyer.
This time, he shared a story, I listened to not a new story, but very emotional, in real life, there are quite a lot.
I don't know if you have this feeling, time passes really fast, in the blink of an eye, 3 years, 5 years have passed, and life will undergo unexpected changes.
In 2017, he had an intern, Fang Fang (pseudonym), who did not graduate from graduate school and came to intern with him and gave her 120 yuan a day (the general salary of interns in law firms is 80 yuan-150 yuan / day).
Fangfang's experience is very inspiring, she is from the countryside, admitted to the university, the school is not bad, but not 211, 985, the undergraduate tourism management, she was actually cross-professionally admitted to a famous law school in Shanghai.
From this point, it can be seen that Fangfang's learning ability is very good.
Lawyer is a very practical profession, even if you graduate from a prestigious school, you need to get started a little, and your learning ability is strong, which is nothing more than to make the process faster.
In the process of internship, FangFang also lived up to his expectations, and her performance was relatively ordinary at the beginning, but she had a big advantage, teaching it again, and next time she would not make a mistake.
In the case of changing the contract, at the beginning of throwing her a contract, she will change the typos and grammar, but give her a direction, the second time to change, the first problem is gone.
She will begin to think about the security and legal risk aspects of transactions from the perspective of transactions.
Fang Fang is more meticulous in her work, usually sending contracts and invoices, etc., and has never made a mistake.
In addition, she is quiet and quiet, very affinity, usually let her run errands, send a document, very popular consultants like, friends are very optimistic about her future development.
In the year of graduate school, Fang Fang was a little entangled between becoming a lawyer and going home to take the civil service examination, and in the end, she chose to go home and take the civil service examination, but the score was a little worse.
Fang Fang did perform well at work, and friends also liked to take her, suggesting that she should not work in the law firm first, and the salary could also be given to her, about 7,000 yuan. (After the judicial examination, it is only a qualification certificate, can not do the case independently, need to intern for 1 year, and get a lawyer practice certificate.) ）
Fangfang, who does not belong to the kind of person who is particularly good at interpersonal relations, can easily get customers, but she has a solid foundation, does a good job for 2 years, and will not lack cases.
In this way, after FangFang graduated from graduate school, she continued to work with this friend.
02
Later, a boss of the consulting unit saw that Fangfang this girl was very good, and also introduced her boyfriend, Fangfang 92 years, boyfriend 86 years, 6 years older than her, this age gap, can also be accepted.
The boyfriend works in a securities institution in Shanghai, the financial elite, it is easy to make people feel good, and the two people have not long known each other, and they have established a relationship.
The boyfriend's family also likes Fangfang, think she has a good personality, very diligent, and then the boyfriend is 168cm tall, Fangfang is also so tall, the family has always hoped to find a tall daughter-in-law to improve genes.
Later, the two got engaged, went to the boyfriend's house, and after returning, Fang Fang changed a little, the work was not as serious as before, sometimes doing something, forgetting, and often taking leave.
Not long after this, my friend communicated with FangFang and asked about the latest situation, but I did not expect her to offer her resignation.
It turned out that she went to her boyfriend's house, she knew that her boyfriend had good conditions before, she didn't expect so much better, the family actually demolished 7 houses, although it was not a house in Shanghai, and the local house price was 1-15,000 flat.
Boyfriend's social security has long been enough, because it is not a Shanghai hukou, there is no qualification to buy a house, after receiving a license, you can write her name, but the boyfriend is older, I hope she can resign, have children early, she feels that the boyfriend's family is very good to her, the economic conditions are also allowed, and she agreed happily.
Fangfang's parents also agreed with her decision, and indeed most people's expectations for their lives are to get married and have children, have a car and a house, and she gets them all at once.
People who are lawyers have certainly seen all kinds of samples of life.
Many people in the law firm advised her, especially those who were married, "We who have been married don't think so, how can we completely put our fate into the hands of others." ”
There are also people to calculate the account for her, you see there are 7 houses are very good, calculate the total value, although there are tens of millions, the other party also has a sister, a younger brother, it is impossible to completely come to you.
More bluntly, to put it bluntly, before marriage, do not blindly believe in the commitment of your mother-in-law and husband.
Now, I am satisfied with you because you are a graduate of a prestigious school, a lawyer, young and beautiful, and when you do not work, you are a woman who relies on her husband when you are at home with children.
Besides, resigning at home to prepare for pregnancy, the pressure will also be great, in case you can't get pregnant for a year, you will be very anxious.
At that time, the girl who fell in love could not be persuaded to come back.
My friend saw that she had made up her mind, and for her own good purposes, he said to her, if you are really tired in the law firm, I will introduce you to a company legal affairs job, and you will have a child after 1 year of stability.
Either, you take the civil service exam, the civil servant in Shanghai, the salary is lower, but a good job.
Fangfang's past growth experience is still too simple, the current life, once her imagination of life, just graduated students, is also very simple, she believes that she is lucky, these suggestions, did not listen, she resigned and went home.
Probably, I really don't want to work myself.
It's certainly happy at first, but that happiness can't last.
Time pulls back to the present, how is Fangfang's life?
The rest of the story, I don't have to write, Fang Fang gave birth to a child, alone with the child, it is very difficult, she also undertook all the housework.
Husband work is very busy, the time to take care of the family is very small, she complained, the husband was very patient at the beginning to coax her, later, I think I am very hard outside, I am raising a family, what else do you want?
The mother-in-law's attitude has also changed, Fangfang gave birth to a daughter for the first time, and the mother-in-law hopes that she will have a second child soon.
Another night, Fang Fang saw several ambiguous WeChat messages from her husband's mobile phone, questioned him, and the other party did not take it too seriously, saying that a customer was joking.
Fang Fang did not have the courage to ask any questions, she called a friend and asked if she could make an appointment, she was now a little confused and a little regretful.
What kind of story will Fangfang write in the future? Maybe go back to live your current life, or maybe it's another script.
We don't know.
03
Fangfang's experience, to put it simply, is the story of a girl who seems to be well married, slacks her career, and her life after marriage is not satisfactory.
In fact, I see more of the problem of women's choices, many times, when we make a choice, we will fantasize about a future that is ten thousand times better than the current life.
For example, working women face the pressure of their careers, and after the in-laws ask to be full-time mothers, they will feel that they are very lucky, have excellent husbands, have a house with their own names, and can't earn much money when they go out to work.
If you are at home full-time, you can better take care of the family, support your husband, and give your children better and better companionship, and live a quiet and harmonious family life from now on.
But the actual situation may be what Fang Fang experienced when she returned to her family.
In the past, in the workplace, full of vitality, from head to toe exquisite, you presented a unique charm in his eyes, you and him discussed workplace issues, there are more common topics.
And now, every time my husband comes home, he sees you who are exhausted by housework and children. Your hard work is not easy, he can't see.
That's not to say that women must not be full-time mothers, of course not, make any choice, think about the responsibilities to be assumed, and analyze the chips in their hands.
Behind every choice, adults have a truth that they know but choose to ignore.
Fangfang, along the way is also very inspirational, education, ability are good, is a very able to bear hardships of the girl, lack of life experience is too simple, lack of social experience, did not experience too many things.
When she made this decision, many people gave her advice, and she didn't listen.
Now with children, the civil service examination is certainly not as easy as when I first left school, and then go back to work, I have been out of the workplace for 2 years, it will never be as easy as finding a job when I graduated, and I have to balance work and family.
I have seen many girls, obviously personal conditions are very good, but do not believe that they can live well on their own, subconsciously, still hope to rely on men to achieve their goals in life.
Men are not unreliable, just not the only ones to rely on. Playing iron also needs to be hard, you have your own strength, the other party will pay attention to you.
Now, I start my own business, the company is small, less than 10 people, currently all girls.
Most of them are post-95s, and I never instill in them the idea of relying on themselves and not rushing to fall in love.
Instead, I will encourage them to fall in love, tell them that work and love do not conflict, and that love will grow in wisdom.
I will see if there are new people around Mr. Liu, and Tianyi also stares at the single colleagues or classmates around the boyfriend Dr. Doctor, suitable, to introduce to other colleagues.
Life is staged, at the age of struggle, you have to struggle, you want to fall in love, you can, to talk, but, long skill, this thing, can not stop.
When you are young, you can have more confidence in your career and economic independence.
For example, when I go shopping to buy clothes and bags, I will also symbolically ask my husband for advice, but this is my respect for him, and he also understands that I am spending money and telling him. He made me angry and would buy another bag to compensate me.
In my mother's words, if I don't make money and still do it, I don't know how many times I have quarreled.
I'm not going to do the "if so" hypothetical question, and if you don't have a career, would you still love me?
The major events in life, we have to combine to see, rather than looking at them one by one, it will have a cascading effect.
We have seen so many life samples, we can learn from the lessons of others, we can make small mistakes to increase wisdom, big life choices, or be cautious, such as work, marriage, and having children.