Across from me sat an ordinary mom.
Her brow furrowed slightly, her body leaned forward, and there was a little anxiety in her eyes.
"Teacher Yuan, you don't know how much I have paid for Nian Nian"
"I quit my job last year just to take better care of him."
"I don't have any personal entertainment time now, I just watch over him every day"
"But he's really getting more and more disobedient now."
"He's starting to talk back now"
"Why can't he understand me?"
“......”
Moved? Touching, the selflessness of maternal love is touching.
Is it useful? It's useless, because the child can't accept your love at all.
I am an education practitioner, and at this time I have a polite smile on my face and listen to her spit bitter water.
Her complaints are the same as those of other parents.
She gets along with her children in much the same way as other parents.
"Nian Nian every time I come to your class to behave completely differently than at home, I see that your class is also very strict, why are the children willing to come to your class, I am at home to him a fierce he began to resist"
"Teacher Yuan, what do you say, the child can't go on like this!"
Yeah, that's not going to work.
But I am 80% sure that this parent will still use the previous method to get along with the child after he goes back, and the child will fight in the same way, and after a week or half a month, the parent will still spit almost exactly the same words with me.
What to do?
It's not that hard.
Parents, please put away your "selflessness" and stop letting your "great unrequited love" push your child farther away from you.
If you say these things less often, you'll find that it's not so easy to be friends with your child.
"I'm doing this for your own good"
There must be someone who wants to jump out and retort to me and say, "How can there be parents who are not good for their children", don't get excited, there are indeed no parents who want their children to have a bad life.
But the biggest misunderstanding caused by this sentence is how to define the word "good".
I've seen a story.
He and she are a pair of passionate lovers, but in the end the two sides are not happy.
He said, "I have found the most beautiful roses in the world for you, and I have traveled to the mountains and rivers to eat and sleep for these roses, so why are you so cruel to leave?"
She said, "I just want a lily, and why do you have to force me to like those roses?"
Do you think from the other person's point of view for the other person's "good", or do you just think "good" wishful thinking.
If you impose what you think is "good" on others, it is natural to cause the other party to resist.
You're afraid of your child falling, so you never let him play various sports.
You're afraid of your child learning badly from others, so you never let him play with other people of the same age.
You're afraid your child won't be able to adapt to the new environment, so when your child tells you he wants to attend school camp, you refuse without even thinking about it.
Later, the child grew a little older, and slowly the rebellious period came and began to talk back to you.
You are tit-for-tat.
The final sentence "I'm here for your own good" ends an unpleasant conversation.
Whether the child can accept your kindness is obviously impossible.
Don't let your protection become a child's bondage.
It is not a good thing to let go of your hands properly. After all, no parent can take care of their child for a lifetime, right?
"I've walked more bridges than you have"
For parents, the most annoying thing is not that the child resists, but that the child resists and you can't talk about him.
When parents begin to pose as people who have come over and say, "I have walked more bridges than you have walked," most children will not listen.
Besides, today's young people may not have as many roads as you. Nowadays, the traffic is so developed, the places he has traveled are really no less roads than you.
What the? Do you want to say, "I've eaten more salt than you've eaten," please, eat less salt, too much salt is not good for your body.
In fact, as a parent, I want to use my experience to help my children take fewer detours, but one thing that parents don't realize is that the previous road is really different from the current road.
In the past, you had to take money with you when you went out, but now you can pay with a mobile phone without even using a mobile phone.
The journey, which used to take about ten hours, can now be reached in three or four hours or even shorter.
Before you could only buy things from the street kiosks, now the whole world is in front of you.
Newspapers used to be a window into the outside world, but now you can know all sorts of things happening in the world, big and small, if you want to.
Playing games in the Internet café is an Internet addict, and now some people who play games have represented the country to get back the honor.
The road you used to walk is now basically connected to the high-speed rail.
A small fishing village that you used to visit has now become the city of Shenzhen.
The world is changing really fast, and there is a difference between last year and this year, and it is difficult for parents and elders to use their previous experience to help their children gain a foothold in this rapidly changing era.
Sometimes, "letting go" is also helping your own children.
As long as it is not involved in illegal or very dangerous things, give the child a little right to choose, even if one thing is not done well or fails, it does not matter, it is not, he will learn a lot from the middle.
When I was 24 years old, I decided to leave a TV station in Anhui to become an entrepreneur without any guarantees, and my parents only gave me a sentence of "you can think it through yourself."
It was my first time starting a business, and I failed unsurprisingly, and even the second and third times and the fourth time, but I learned something from the four failures and recognized what I was suitable for, and now I am finally on the right track and working with things I like, and I feel very satisfied.
I am thankful for those failures, I am grateful to my parents for "letting go" of me, and even more grateful for the encouragement my parents gave me after failing again and again.
Some detours are indispensable, and the role of parents should be the strong backing of their children, rather than the pathfinder full of scars.
It is often said that "poor parents in the world", poor parents give everything for their children? Apparently not. The love of parents transcends everything, and they are willing to give everything for their children.
The poor thing is that children simply cannot receive the love of their parents.
Educating children is like flying a kite, parents are kite flyers, children are kites, and parental love is the line that flies kites in their hands.
The line must not be too heavy, otherwise the kite will not fly.
The line should not be dragged too tightly, and it should be gradually relaxed so that the kite can fly higher.
Don't worry about the wind and sun on the high ground. It is true that the kite is locked in a box without any harm, but that is not the meaning of the kite's existence.
Proper relaxation, appropriate time for yourself.
For the child, parents are all he has, and he will not deliberately alienate you.
And parents, don't let their children bear more pressure in the name of love.
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