The lives of many Chinese seem to be a lifetime of struggle for the house. Renters aspire to buy houses, and people with small houses envy big houses.
In 2009, when house prices began to soar, a TV series with the theme of Chinese the dream of buying a house touched thousands of viewers, and this drama was "Snail House".
In the play, the two sisters, Haiping and Seaweed, who live in a small rental house, yearn to take root in the big city and buy their own house.
Dominated by such longing, life gradually slides into a lost path.
In the play, seaweed lost his life because he was pulled by desire, and Song Siming also went to the end of the road because of seaweed, and the two seemed to have been sentenced to "death" by fate.
The audience pitied and hated the heroine Seaweed, pity that she was saddled with her sister's dream of buying a house as soon as she graduated, confused and distressed, and even more hated that she did not know how to advance or retreat, and ruined her great youth by approaching her husband Song Siming for money.
However, what really drives seaweed to this path of life is not the material necessity of poverty and the desire to buy a house.
Manipulating the seaweed is her eagerness to fill the gap in her life, and the uneasiness and anxiety brought about by the sense of scarcity in her heart.
The direction of the story was laid as early as when Haiping and the seaweed sisters came to Jiangzhou.
The lack of life in her childhood made her beliefs gradually distorted
Most of the mothers of seaweed psychology are actually sisters of Haiping.
In the era of family planning, parents were not welcome to the unexpected arrival of seaweed, and it was Haiping, as the eldest daughter, who persuaded her parents to leave the seaweed as a child.
The seaweed who grew up listening to this story is psychologically grateful to his sister.
Growing up, her sister's care and gentleness made her extremely fond and dependent on Haiping.
Because of the limited family conditions, the two sisters did not have a good life since childhood. Growing up in a small town, they had never seen anything in the world.
As the seaweed mother said in the play, the family has no conditions to support them.
When they grow up, the two sisters are reluctant to repeat the ordinary life of their parents and live a life in the small town.
Her sister Haiping was admitted to college first, stayed in the big city of Jiangzhou, and then despite her parents' opposition, her sister also followed her sister to Jiangzhou.
With no money to buy a house, my sister, brother-in-law and seaweed had to squeeze into a small rental house together, working hard for the dream of taking root in a big city.
Becoming a city person, living a good life, and living in a big house is not as simple as imagined.
Looking at the floating light of the big city, slowly in the hearts of the sea and seaweed:
"If I can't put down roots in the big city and buy a house, what face do I have to live?"
It became their obsession to survive in the big city.
And this obsession that could not match their existing abilities cast a vanity on their original intentions, and this desire became increasingly strong in the life of the dweller, and eventually became the main theme that dominated them.
Desires and needs are largely unpowered by human progress.
However, by attaching oneself excessively to the satisfaction of a certain desire, one's beliefs will be distorted.
Once upon a time, Seaweed was a pure and self-loving girl. She grew up in a family of teachers, with a simple mind, and after sensing Song Siming's thoughts in her work, she chose to deliberately avoid it.
However, under the manipulation of twisted beliefs, the two sisters gradually deviate from their original selves, and eventually the seaweed crosses the moral boundary and bows to money.
The gap in her heart dragged her to the wrong path
Objectively speaking, seaweed and seaweed are by no means truly poor.
They have stable jobs in Jiangzhou, and Seaweed and her boyfriend Xiaobei are saving money together to buy a house and get married. After a few more years of hard work, the two should be able to have a stable little home.
However, the original peaceful life was broken by the twenty thousand yuan that my sister bought a house.
Haiping is short of 20,000 yuan to buy a house, and she has already emptied all her savings to ask her sister who has just worked for help.
Seaweed, who also has no money, knows that her boyfriend Xiaobei has a deposit of 60,000 yuan, so he naturally asks him to lend it to his sister, but he refuses.
In the face of her sister's repeated urgings, the seaweed that could not bear to refuse her sister finally opened her mouth to Song Siming.
Twenty thousand yuan, which seemed to the sisters to be even more difficult, Song Siming easily gave it to seaweed. Accordingly, seaweed paid the price and became his lover.
It seems that the seaweed is finally desperate to cling to Song Siming, but in fact, the starting point of the lost is not helplessness, but the sisters' obsession of "must buy a house".
What really defeated her and made her leave Xiaobei was not poverty, not material shortage, but mental lack.
The sense of scarcity makes her impatient, waiting for life to slowly get better, and she needs a sense of "certainty" to fill the gap in her heart and prove her strength.
After she had no intention of telling Song Siming about her brother-in-law's work difficulties, Song Siming said hello and solved her brother-in-law's problem.
Song Siming's powerful ability made the sisters have the illusion of "living like this".
The sister did not prevent the sister from crossing moral boundaries, and even defended the seaweed in front of the mother that "they should love each other".
What attracts seaweed is not only Song Siming's money, what really attracts her is Actually Song Siming's control.
Seaweed lived a life that was unimaginable before, large villas, nanny drivers, beautiful coats and expensive ornaments, Song Siming's financial resources and connections completely conquered seaweed, and the once great difficulties were not a problem here in Song Siming.
Song Siming seems to be an all-rounder who can solve all problems.
This control makes Seaweed feel that life has become "certain", and Song Siming seems to have swept away all the troubles and risks in her life.
Step by step, under the traction of the inner gap, she continued to grab Song Siming, sinking deeper and deeper.
Knowing that such a relationship is not recognized and blessed, he is not willing to let go.
The gap in the heart sighed with satisfaction, but this satisfaction was a poison wrapped in honey, which eventually hurt others and destroyed the life of seaweed.
The sense of scarcity in life makes Seaweed unwilling to give up desire or patience to change her life, and she uses Song Siming as a shortcut and means to change her life.
When a person starts taking shortcuts, there are only shortcuts left in life.
When a person lacks the courage to give up his desires and the ability to change his life, he will only blindly fill the gaps in his life, and eventually be manipulated by obsession and go to a more uncontrollable abyss.
Break the sense of scarcity and improve the quality of life
The inner sense of lack does not come from the outside, but only from the mentality.
Even people who have lived very happily ever since childhood have all kinds of needs and desires within them.
If you can't live in peace with desire, you will feel strongly uneasy because of the gap in your heart, and you will feel a sense of scarcity.
Similarly, there are many people who, although they live in poverty and even encounter misfortune, are optimistic and strong, and their hearts are rich.
The greatest lack does not come from material things, money or time, but from a lack of courage and inner strength.
When a person's inner strength is lacking, they will subconsciously choose a "safe" and determined path, and they will convince themselves:
Only when I have something, to reach a certain state, can I make up for the gap and achieve happiness.
However, this so-called sense of certainty will push people in a more distorted and difficult direction.
When the pursuit of "certainty" beliefs reaches its extreme, they will work only to satisfy one desire, ignoring everything else that deserves respect, attention, and retention.
For example, Haiping imposed the responsibility of buying a house on her sister and forced her sister to get money by any means;
For example, seaweed, whose whole life is only to serve this desire, ignores its own value.
They will subconsciously work hard only to satisfy one desire, or even ignore everything else, and eventually either push the responsibility to others like Haiping and force their sisters to borrow money;
Or like seaweed, the value of life is locked in this purpose, abandoning the lover, abandoning morality, and serving only this desire.
If you want to live your life without being dominated by feelings of scarcity, I have a few suggestions.
First, be aware of your anxiety and fear.
Defen Space often receives such visits for help:
If I can't marry this man, I won't survive.
If my child can't get into a good high school, what can he do in the future? What should I do?
If I didn't have my own house before I was 30, I was a loser.
Are these declarations the truth? Or is it an obsession that comes from anxiety and fear?
I have a friend who grew up wandering with his parents and never had a stable home of his own.
When she grew up, she worked hard, working three jobs, just to earn a big house for herself as soon as possible, and eventually fainted at the bus stop when she was so tired.
As bystanders, we all know that even if she can't buy her own house, her life will not lose its meaning.
But in her heart, the fear of "no house" is infinitely magnified, and she has been dominated by the experience of living in a precarious place as a child and cannot let go.
So when you feel anxiety and fear, when you feel very eager, be aware that your desires are really necessities or pull from gaps in the past.
Second, don't sacrifice yourself to soothe your anxiety.
People who lack in their hearts often live a tragic life.
As I mentioned above, this friend was tired to be hospitalized in order to earn money. Or like seaweed, he gave himself up for his sister's house.
In psychology, this is called the feeling of unworthiness.
In order to satisfy their only gaps or desires, such people often sacrifice themselves.
For example, in order to get married as soon as possible, to start a marriage that is about to be completed, or to sacrifice one's health, happiness, and life for some obsession.
Just as you drink a dove to quench your thirst, you will eventually pay a greater price, and the gap in your heart will become a whirlpool, dragging you into the abyss.
Third, learn to live with gaps and break the illusion of scarcity.
Teacher Defen said that the culprit that troubles us is not the external situation or physical feelings, but comes from within us.
That desire for materiality, for the external world, is probably just an illusion of scarcity, and what you really crave is a hundred percent sense of security, certainty, and control.
Accepting that there is no 100% certainty in life is the key to breaking the sense of scarcity.
Human life is constantly flowing forward, and the gap in life at present can be the source of anxiety and fear, or it can be the driving force for continuous progress.
Letting go of attachment and accepting and changing at the same time really requires our courage and determination.
In this way, you can experience the process from scarcity to fullness, and life is gradually full.
Planning | Hungry fish
Edit | Fish sweet