To tell today's story, I guess many parents may fall into contemplation.
Last Wednesday, March 2, 39-year-old Guo Wensi was on the hot search. On this day, he was executed.
This is not the first time that Guo Wensi has been on the hot search.
At the end of March 2020, he was arrested for killing the uncle who advised him to wear a mask and was on the hot search.
In 2004, he was sentenced to life imprisonment for strangling his girlfriend Duan Jiani, which became a talk of conversation after dinner.
What impressed me was that in the trial court that year, Guo Wensi's father bowed three times to the presiding judge after hearing the verdict of the trial of "life imprisonment":
"Thank you for giving my son a fair trial."
What is justice in his mouth?
I got the answer from Duan Jiani's mother, Duan Lina.
I want the moon in the sky, and Dad picks it for me
On the afternoon of August 29, 2004, Duan Mu received a call from the police:
"Your daughter was killed."
At that moment, she felt the sky spinning. Because she didn't have a flight that day, she didn't fly from Guiyang to Beijing until the next day.
"After seeing my daughter, I saw several heavy bruises on her cheeks, neck, shoulders, chest, and back, and her bruises were bruised." Seeing the tired scars on her daughter's body, Duan Mu collapsed on the ground and held her daughter and cried loudly.
She is a single mother, because her ex-husband preferred sons to daughters, and when her daughter was more than 1 year old, she resolutely divorced. Since then, she has worked hard to raise her daughter.
Since she was a child, her daughter has enjoyed various cultural and sports activities, rhythmic gymnastics, hosting, singing, dancing, swimming, and she has done her best to create conditions for her daughter to learn. She also brought her daughter to Beijing many times to play and broaden her horizons.
Under her careful care, her daughter grew into a beautiful and lively girl with excellent character and learning, and was not only admitted to Beijing University of Technology, but also became the minister of literature and art. Before she was killed, her daughter also volunteered to be a teacher, helping Dong girls participate in singing competitions and win gold medals.
She knew that her daughter had a boyfriend, was the president of the student council, and was well off. She also knew that her daughter had broken up with this boyfriend. But she never expected that just because her daughter did not agree to the reunion, the boy actually strangled her daughter alive, and also committed violence and rape.
(In 2005, Guo Wensi was sentenced to life imprisonment for homicide.) ）
On the day of arriving in Beijing, Duan's mother met Guo Wensi's parents.
From her daughter, Duan's mother had some understanding of the family. They are Beijing natives and have a house and decent jobs.
Although Guo's father and Mother Guo each have five or six brothers and sisters, Guo Wensi is the only boy in the two families, so he has been pampered since he was a child.
"I just want the moon in the sky, and my dad has to find a way to take it off for me."
"My shoes cost more than 800 yuan, which my dad bought from england."
"I look up to your daughter because I can look up to you, and with my conditions, what kind of girlfriend can't I find in Beijing?"
……
In the few meetings, Duan Mu was deeply impressed by Guo Wensi's "vanity and arrogance".
As an elder, she could tell at a glance that this was a spoiled child.
But until the moment she met the Guo family's parents, she did not know how much the couple loved the children;
Until she understood the reason for her daughter's breakup, she didn't know how hateful Guo Wensi, a spoiled child, was!
I saved my son, and you took 400,000
After the incident, Guo Wensi's parents knelt in front of her, wanting to ask for her forgiveness.
They didn't argue much, and most of the time they kept their heads down and knelt from morning to afternoon. Several groups of people came and went in the middle, but they did not let the parents stand up, and what decency and pride were thrown out of the cloud of nine clouds in front of saving the lives of their children.
The kind Duan Mother's heart softened. She personally got up and lifted the couple up. She understands the couple's love for their son, but she can't say "forgive" for her dead daughter, and her minimum requirement is to die slowly.
The next day, Duan's mother learned that the Guo family's parents had already planned the second step in order to save their children.
Because of her exhaustion, Duan's mother did not hire a lawyer, but the Guo family's parents quickly hired a well-known criminal defense lawyer in Beijing, who was also the defense lawyer of Liu Xiaoqing's tax-related case that year.
The lawyer said to Duan Mu: "Killing people is a matter of course, but both people are only children, and your children are gone, can you spare their family?" The lawyer also offered to give 400,000 compensation.
Hearing these requirements, Duan Mu felt a little absurd, she couldn't tell for a moment, the 400,000 bought was the life of her daughter or the life of Guo Wensi?
Their sons killed people, but they didn't repent, they didn't feel guilty, they just thought their son shouldn't have died because of it. Keeping their children's lives is the justice they want.
The chilled Duan Mother refused to show the letter of understanding, and she still insisted that the minimum requirement was to die slowly.
Probably after finding that the lure "didn't work" here in Duan Mu, the Guo family's parents turned to seek other ways.
According to media reports, in the trial court, Guo Wensi's attitude was extremely sincere, he said: "Today I am sitting here as a murderer, I want to say to her mother: 'Auntie, I really love her very much, I am very sorry. This act of mine has caused great suffering to the families of both sides'. ”
However, in fact, before the trial, Duan Mu, as a family member of the victim, did not receive the call and notice of the trial at all, and did not appear in court that day. She neither heard Guo Wensi's confession, nor did she see his tears, and Guo Wensi's confession may just be a performance.
But apparently, the "efforts" of Guo Wensi and the Guo family's parents are effective. Judges chose to give a lighter trial because of their voluntary surrender, positive compensation, and sincerity.
Guo Wensi's life was saved, and the justice that the Guo family's parents wanted was realized.
But on Duan's mother's side, not only did she lose her daughter forever, but the "true face" that the Guo family later revealed also made her feel cold:
"In 16 years, the Guo family has never called me. It can be seen how insincere Guo Wensi's apology in court and Guo Wanpu's kneeling in the hotel are. ”
After the verdict, the repentant actions of the Guo family came to an abrupt end - until Guo Wensi, because he refused to wear a mask, beat the old man who dissuaded him to death on the spot, and once again appeared on the hot search.
In the video on the Internet, Guo Wensi was like crazy, after pushing the old man to the ground, he even picked up a long pole and beat the clerk.
15 years of imprisonment does not seem to have removed the hostility in him, he is still so arrogant, tyrannical, cold-blooded, and flying.
Watching the murderer who killed her daughter take another human life, Duan Mu had a feeling that "kindness was eaten by dogs". Although she was dissatisfied with the verdict, because of her pity for the Guo family, she chose to calm things down.
But after reading the media reports, she learned that in the 16 years of missing contact with the Guo family, the parents of the Guo family did not reflect on the harm of their doting children, and they were only busy implementing the next plan - taking the fast lane of commutation.
Nine commutations, more than the great aunt
How busy are the Guo parents? This can be seen from the change in Guo Wensi's sentence:
On June 25, 2007, after Guo Wensi was imprisoned for 2 years and 4 months, his life sentence was commuted to 19 years in prison and his deprivation of political rights was reduced to nine years' deprivation for life;
On September 20, 2008, the sentence was commuted by 10 months.
On November 20, 2009, the sentence was commuted by 10 months.
On January 20, 2011, the sentence was commuted by 11 months.
On March 20, 2012, the sentence was commuted by 11 months.
On April 26, 2013, the sentence was commuted by 11 months.
On July 17, 2014, the sentence was commuted by one year.
On October 29, 2015, the sentence was commuted by one year.
On October 22, 2018, the sentence was reduced by 6 months.
Until July 24, 2019, he had reduced his sentence nine times, for 6 years and 11 months, and actually served less than 15 years.
According to media reports, Guo Wensi could have reduced his sentence 10 times, including one because prison staff did not deliver information in a timely manner.
Because the first eight sentence reductions were each time a year apart, the accurate card point was jokingly called "more accurate than the great aunt" by netizens.
The reason why the ninth commutation and the eighth commutation are three years apart is because in 2016 the Supreme People's Court promulgated a provision that the interval between the two commutations of criminals sentenced to more than 10 years and 6 months is not less than 1 year and 6 months.
A professional legal practitioner commented on this:
It can be seen that from the time Guo Wensi was sentenced to life imprisonment and entered the prison to serve his sentence, someone was worried about him at every link.
In order to control each of these links, Guo Father spent at least 2 million yuan.
He took many tricks and tried his best to get his son out of prison. However, only 7 months later, his son returned to the prison with "strength", and incidentally sent the people who had "worried" and "worked hard" for him to either be sent to prison or lost their official hats.
This time, Guo Wensi's death sentence could not escape. This time, no matter how powerful his father was, he was helpless.
The notice shows that Guo Wensi met with his parents before the execution. It's hard to imagine how embarrassing this scene would be.
The mother of another bully, Sun Xiaoguo, once said: "My mother has failed to do it?" Very failed. ”
Will Guo Wensi's parents also ask themselves: "Am I a failure?" Or, "How come I can't save you this time?" ”
Bottomless coddling and unprincipled protection ultimately harm the child.
From the president of the student union to the death row prisoner, it seems that Guo Wensi's impulsiveness is caused. But in fact, this momentary impulse, in countless small details, has long been traced.
Because the dishes ordered were not to taste, Guo Wensi picked up the iron rod and slammed it on his girlfriend, abusing his girlfriend at least 5 times in 1 year. This kind of tyrannical behavior of beating people without saying a word must have been seen by the Guo family's parents.
Because his girlfriend was busy volunteering, Guo Wensi was dissatisfied, and even insulted " What a broken place this is!" And sneered, "I thought you were doing something fancy." This kind of selfish and indifferent behavior must have been seen by the Guo family's parents.
Because the conditions at home are good, he said to his girlfriend's mother: "Looking up to your daughter is to give you the face of the family", this kind of vain and arrogant behavior, the Parents of the Guo family must also be familiar with it.
But they turn a blind eye, listen to it, and allow their children to break through the boundaries of human morality and the law, and become murderers spurned by everyone.
What's even more ridiculous is that until the children go to jail, they still don't wake up.
After 15 years in prison, they neither recognized their mistakes nor let the children realize their mistakes, and finally lost the child's life.
Coddling is poisonous, and parents lift stones and drop them on their own feet
It's a cliché about "don't spoil children." Almost every parent understands that spoiling children is a harmful and unproductive thing, and it is necessary to discipline, be strict, and let them understand right and wrong.
We all understand the truth, but in fact, there are too many parents who are doting on their children without knowing it. There are many seemingly harsh but in fact doting behaviors that happen every day.
Parenting expert Jean Clark once defined "coddling" this way:
Coddling is something that looks good, giving the child "too much", "too fast", "too long", these things or experiences, do not match the age of the child, or the interest does not match, the talent does not match, this is just to meet the "needs" of adults, not the needs of children.
The so-called too much is to give too much in substances or attention such as eating and drinking, so that children do not know how to cherish and be grateful;
The so-called too fast is to do too much for children, depriving them of the opportunity to grow independently;
The so-called too long is that the child has not been set up rules, too soft in the face of conflict, so that the child has no bottom line, no principle, weak sense of morality, and even no conscience.
Think about it, do we have a lot of behaviors that can be seated with the three points of "too much", "too fast" and "too long"?
Of course, we will not be like Guo Wensi's parents, who spoil their children's bottomless indulgence. But our self-righteous godson may be superficial, but in fact it is a kind of coddling.
The harm of coddling is not only to let the child be arrogant, but more importantly, it invisibly deprives the child of the ability to integrate normally into society. A self-centered, selfish, and shirky person is not welcome anywhere.
(Stills from the TV series "Little Parting")
It is said that "parents love their children, and they have far-reaching plans for them." What parents expect most is that children can have the ability to stand on their own feet, have healthy and harmonious interpersonal relationships, and manage their lives well, which are inseparable from the correct education of parents.
And the right posture to love a child is to give him what he really needs, not what parents think the child needs.
But how much is more, how much is less? The scale in the middle needs to be carefully pondered by parents and truly understand the characteristics of children before they can truly grasp it.
The Guo Wensi we mentioned today is only an isolated case, but from his story, we can still get a lot of caution. For example, when a child makes a mistake for the first time, parents should stop it in time.
"Stop" here has two meanings:
1. Respond to the child's behavior, clearly point out that it is not right, and let the child know where the boundaries of the behavior are;
2. Give the child constructive advice, let the child know what to do, establish the correct three views, and become a person who can think independently.
In English, there is a more precise expression of this "stop", called "constructive feedback", constructive feedback. Good discipline is to let the child know that he is wrong, but also let the child know what to do is correct and is willing to make changes.
(Stills from the TV series "Little Joy")
Everyone makes mistakes, not just children, but adults as well. Only when a child has the ability to distinguish between right and wrong, and has the willingness and behavior to change sincerely, can he grow into a better person. And isn't that the greatest relief of parents?
All love in this world is for the purpose of aggregation, and only the love of parents is for separation. Because no matter how much parents love their children, they cannot accompany them for a lifetime, nor can they protect them for a lifetime. Helping children learn to think independently, establish a sound personality, and become a person who is useful to themselves and society is what parents should do and what parents can do.
Such "godson secrets" are hidden in our daily relationship with our children, hidden in our words and deeds, and hidden in our current actions.